To think a lot of parents of very young children become quite selfish

[allthewaythere]

I am expecting to be flamed but here goes.

Yesterday I was walking on a really narrow street and a couple were walking with a very young baby who’s only just started to take a few hesitant steps, maybe 11 months, so he had dad on one side and mum on the other.

Because the street was so narrow it meant everyone behind them either had to walk at toddler pace or step into the road to get by.

I’ve seen this in a lot of my friends with really young children. Is this a thing and does it pass?

The scenario you refer to is selfish. It's not something I would do with my infant. What makes you think all parents of young children would do this?

I've also noticed parents talking VERY loudly to their toddlers in public spaces/ladies toilets. What is all this selfishness about?

Do you mean performance parenting in general or women trying to distract / drown out toddlers before they announce to the room that you are doing a poo?

I'm hyper alert to not letting my toddlers annoy others, probably because of threads like this and I've been told off for it by strangers because 'they aren't doing any harm'.

DP on the other hand thinks that everyone finds our toddlers as delightful as he does and lets them run amok if I'm not there. I cringe when he tells me done of the stuff they have done, so I can well believe there are people out there that think this is acceptable.

You sound delightful. Babies have just as much right to the road as you do. Plus stepping into the road for a few seconds to get back onto the pavement isn't that big a deal.

part of the thrill of Mumsnet is not knowing if youre going to be flamed or not, just as young lads chase each other in their cars at over 100mph for the thrill, so I come on Mumsnet.

its a pain in the arse and you can bet your bottom dollar until they had kids they probably said they hated kids and had no tolerance for them

I agree with the OP regarding parents of young children.
I will go one step further and say, imo, it tends to be people who are late/older first time parents too.
We found that some friends of ours, who had little or no interest in our children when they were small, became completely ott and precious when they had their own.
The selfishness was often to the detriment of our kids.

why not say excuse me?

YANBU 100% but then I find a lot of people selfish & rude these days tbh 😖

I booby stepping into the road is a big deal, esp when it puts your own kids at risk and traffic is busy. Noone would have to do this if everyone was considerate.

I hate this performance parenting bullshit. I talk to my toddler in public as loudly as I do anywhere else. I guess it might be a bit louder and clearer than usual so he can understand words etc. For example, in the supermarket... Shall we get some Brocolli? If he's in the trolley and I'm moving away a little then it needs be reasonably loud and ckear

I think you are being entitled to expect people to walk at your preferred pace on narrow streets. Slow walkers have as much right to the road space as fast ones, as do children who need support in the form of their parents hands. Would you also also complain if a slow user in a wheel chair or on crutches slowed you down? And I speak as a very fast walker who sometimes has to adapt to other road users.

And yes, parents can become so consumed in their children that they don’t notice other things around them. It might be a nuisance for other people but it’s good for the child. Google ‘primary maternal preoccupation’.

I agree it's more likely to be selfish people in general rather than selfish because they've got small children. They're also likely to be the cyclists going three abreast on a public highway, the motorists not indicating when coming out of parking spaces, junctions etc, the shoppers pushing in in queues, the people talking loudly in cinemas. Some people are just entitled.

But I also think it's got worse over time. I can't remember people not indicating for instance. Now it happens all the time. They just pull out. Or just stop in the middle of the road. Weird.

I move their trollies to get past with a very cheerful EXCUSE ME PLEASE

I do this 😀Except my EXCUSE ME isn’t cheerful. If they say sorry, I always say no problem but if they don’t then I just carry on with my business completely ignoring if they got the bump with me or not.

Fully agree OP. Lots of People nowadays are too self absorbed to notice anyone else around them . Good job I haven’t got a problem with saying a firm and loud EXCUSE ME to get them moving 😂 Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I’ve held someone up unknowingly in the past but I always apologise when I realise.

I've been a mum and a granny to all ages. I'm now what I imagine some people refer to as elderly. I live in a busy suburb and the pavement in places is narrow. It was the last place I'd walk a very small child who us just learning to walk. We'd do that on the quiet, wider pavements with less passing traffic.

Common sense and awareness seem to be lacking across all ages. As a usually single pedestrian, nowadays I just stop if people are coming towards me spread across the pavement! It works.

In her defence I understand small children need to hold a parents hand but when tne path is narrow and done one needs to walk past they can still walk in front or behind you while still holding hands for them few seconds. This way no one has to walk into tne road. It amazes me that people just don't seem to get that.

I was once walking on a narrow pavement next to a relatively busy road. Two women were walking towards me side by side pushing prams (filling the whole pavement). I didn't fancy stepping into the road so just stopped forcing one to go behind the other. One of the mothers then proceeded to tell me how rude I was. ¯\(ツ)/¯

What would you say about someone walking next to a person who needed support because they couldn't walk very well, or someone walking slowly on crutches? Surely we need to be patient with those more vulnerable than we are. In that situation if I was in a hurry I would say excuse me or walk round them into the road for a second.

I bet they were so tired they didn’t even notice they were blocking the street, sometimes a simple “excuse me” can bring them back to the world around them.

the baby was obviously walking very slowly which meant everyone behind them was forced to walk at that pace, or step into the road with cars and cycles how were they "forced" to do so? I do as a pp said and loudly say "excuse me please" and I've never had a problem. Now someone will come on to say " what about those od us with anxiety". I've always had anxiety however put the onus on myself to get help with every day encounters such as saying excuse me.

I think many people are selfish. The most situations like this I've encountered have been from couples of all ages not wanting to give up holding the others hand for a few seconds to let people pass. But again a loud "excuse me please" does the trick. If they don't move I'll just let them keep walking towards me if they're coming that way. They chicken out first.

@Nonnymum vulnerable people as you've described need to get from a to b somehow so that's different in my opinion. What need is there for an 11 month old to be walking for ages in the street? They can be carried or go in the buggy when it comes to street waking and walk where it's quieter until they are a bit older e.g park, indoors, less busy outdoor spaces generally.

Nonny that's obviously completely different to able bodied parents and children being inconsiderate to everyone around them.

Why are cyclists who think they are Bradley Wiggins (probably members of cycling clubs and wearing tight lycra etc) always riding 4 abreast along the country roads where I live. They won't even move into single file when they know you are behind them! Even when you sound your horn! They are so entitled.

Totally makes my blood boil and they don't even pay road tax!

@potter5, Normally they ride 4 across when there is not enough visibility for a driver to over take them. That protects them from being run over by a car avoiding a frontal collision if there is another car coming in oposite direction round the bend or before a dip.

I’ve noticed so much of this OP and it makes me think back and wonder was I the sameness with DD.

So many people just seem so not self aware while cooing over their dotey children but almost tripping people up and holding them up left right and center.

I think having children has been so publicized and glamourized now with 101 blogs and vlogs that it’s only the further I get away from that stage in life I see how peculiar the whole obsession is.

YANBU op, babies can learn to walk confidently at home. Both of mine were only allowed out of the pushchair in certain places where we wouldn't get in anyone's way such as the park. Can't stand when parents take their young toddlers out of the pushchair and let them walk in busy shopping centres/supermarkets etc. It's just such an easily avoidable inconvenience for everyone else around them.

When I first had DS we went to the lakes. The paths are quite narrow and most people walked side by side therefore forcing those walking in the other direction onto the road. Someone barged my pushchair off a path and it nearly tipped onto a fairly busy road. And yet I was screamed at for being selfish for daring to take DS out in his pushchair midweek, out of season, early in the morning because it's not fair on the locals.

But yes, it's parents who are selfish.