To think a lot of parents of very young children become quite selfish

[allthewaythere]

I am expecting to be flamed but here goes.

Yesterday I was walking on a really narrow street and a couple were walking with a very young baby who’s only just started to take a few hesitant steps, maybe 11 months, so he had dad on one side and mum on the other.

Because the street was so narrow it meant everyone behind them either had to walk at toddler pace or step into the road to get by.

I’ve seen this in a lot of my friends with really young children. Is this a thing and does it pass?

I’m having a giggle imagining an old fashioned rumble outside a pub with each rival gang brandishing their bugaboos !

Yes they have a right to use the path the same as everyone else, they should also use tne same consideration and awareness of others needs as everyone else on the path. Several posters on this thread are not doing this.

I'm assuming you have little experience of young children OP. You'll remember this post when you get some .

Why do you assume that longwayoff?

I'm not the op, I have lots of experience of young children and I completely understand where op is coming from this wasn't a toddler walking it was a tiny baby who didn't need to be walking at that point in time. Yes it's difficult walking g with children, I get that but babies in arms do not need to be walking painfully slow down a busy street with parents oblivious to everyone else.

There’s some really strange posts on this thread!

People in general are more selfish. The toddler is just trying to walk so who is more selfish, the parents of the toddler or the person who tells the toddler to stop walking. Same with the runner, who is more selfish the runner who demands everyone walks in single line whilst they pass or the walker who walks slowly chatting, ignoring the runner, forcing them on the road. Each party thinks the other is selfish because both are thinking only of their own needs.

Maybe selfish is the wrong word, they do become quite absorbed into baby land and nothing really seems to matter round them.
Was in a very busy boots a few days ago, a new mum was wheeling a pram and the new dad was holding the baby and sort of wandering very slowly round the shop..he got in my way a couple of times..I just wanted to get in and get what I need and out. He seemed totally oblivious to anyone round him. I've seen it before so yea I think you're kind of right.

Meh! There are selfish people everywhere and you can’t ever please everyone.

I don’t like dogs and hate having them romp up to me on the street. I find dog owners to be the most selfish in this regard.

BUT I realise this is because I don’t like dogs and my perspective is skewed. They have every right to walk their bloody dog in public. I’m not going to list all the selfish dog owner behaviours (there are many) because I understand that a few people aren’t representative of a whole group.

I can see why people who don’t have children and don’t like children could feel the same about parents. But it would be churlish to make a sweeping statement about a whole group.

We were on holiday once and was somewhere you have to sign the book with your name and room number to get into the restaurant for breakfast. A longish queue and yet some goon was holding it up further by letting his small child practice his writing.... “That’s it... now a curly C.... lovely.... then a kicking K.... remember how we do that one?.... and now a number 1....” all the while beaming around at everyone, oblivious to the muttering and glares. Performance parenting at its most irritating.

Wait @Londongirl86 I thought you said your toddler was being a drama king and you were pleased nobody judged you for him not being quiet and still? Now it turns out he was just quietly walking around holding your hand? Of course nobody judged you - you weren't doing anything that'd warrant it. Totally different to the OP's situation.

Anyway, OP, I think the answer is demonstrably yes - some people get selfish and many of them are on this thread.

And if anyone has the my husband can't be trusted to buy jam thread, I need it.

@lingwayoff. What a strange post. Many many parents have agreed the op INBU.

If there's a trend i've noticed over the past few years it's the growing inability of perfectly articulate people to use the simple phrase "excuse me, please."

It's perfectly polite and much more rational than hovering closely behind people for miles hoping they'll magically grow eyes on the back of their heads and move out the way for you.

I think the thought process behind the self absorbed behaviour of the couple in the op is becoming very clear from some of the defensive posts on here, not to mention the disingenuous 'can't understand why you just didnt say excuse me' comments despite it being explained that the op couldn't bloody see what was causing the delay.

So how did she know what was caused the delay? Could well have been someone (and this sounds likely) standing behind the couple with this toddler.

Because she went out onto the road eventually to get past the crowd and saw what was holding everyone up.

How many more times......

And not one of those people we're capable of saying excuse me? All of them just silently fuming? Really?

That's either total bollocks or they all deserve a delay for being such passive-aggressive idiots.

Iv noticed that before it’s bloody annoying! In a busy shopping centre and I mean packed. Couple with tiny child walking and the mother pushing the empty buggy? Get a grip put the child in the buggy!

I do think it’s selfish. I have a young son who has not long been walking and I make sure when out to be aware of others around me, and always apologise if I see at any point we have got in someone’s way or delayed them

However, I get annoyed by the attitude of some of the “been there, done it” generation. Well done, youve raised your kids. Have you forgotten how hard it can be?

Let’s be honest, raising small children now and raising them 15+ years ago was very different. I have a friend who is an academic on the subject (child development and social policy), and 15+ years ago there was non of the social media, hyper judgmental, parenting philosophy, competitiveness there is today. Parents didn’t worry about having SS knocking on the door because the neighbours heard them lose their temper in the drive way. Their children didn’t have more rights than them and others didn’t stick their noses in. It didn’t happen in the same way.

Unfortunately, all of this ^ creates a culture of ‘performance parenting’ where discipline and consequence are difficult to manage well. Hence we have a generation of children who lack resilience and are poorly behaved and a generation of parents who fear judgment and care more how it looks on the surface than having strong foundations.

If you raised your small children 15+ years ago and think you therefore understand modern parenting - it’s like saying you know how to use an iPhone because you had a Nokia brick back in the day!

I have noticed that people are using their prams as a weapon, particularly men. They just plough their way through with a clear indication that they will not move

Unlike driving where there are clear ‘right of way’ indicators, in pedestrian areas and especially in crowds you can have lots of ‘established streams of traffic’ merging with equal right of way.
Prams, not unlike wheelchairs or mobility aids, are much harder to manoeuvre than someone walking normally, so there is an expectation that you get out of their way.

If you step in front of a pram, it probably won’t stop for you and if it does it will no doubt cause several people behind it to bash into the person pushing. Because they take up substantially more space than one single person, meaning they cause blockages much more easily. Having worked in road insurance claims for many years I can understand logically why prams/wheelchairs/mobility aids should take priority. It’s like a car coming up against a lorry in heavy traffic and expecting the lorry to manoeuvre out of its way. It’s more inconvenient for everyone.

Men do this much more blatantly though as they don’t seem to have the inbuilt ‘apologise for existing’ trigger that a lot of women do 👍🏻

@WorldsOnFire

I would like to recommend your post x1000. I wish there was an update button on Mumsnet.

It's PFB at its worst. I say this as a mum of 3 young children who was probably a teeny bit like this myself. You soon learn
I absolutely cringe now when I see /hear parents being precious. The National Trust is a good organisation to join if you want to see these twunts in action.

Bing how do you know that one or several of those people didn't say excuse me ? Many people don't move even after you have asked them. And judging g by several parents self entitlement on this thread that they carnt possilly pick up their child because it will temporarily upset them that's proof that some parents don't actually move when asked, they would much rather get in tbe way of many people than upset little tarquin for a few seconds.

Definitely agree re the supermarket experience. Why on earth take the whole family? It’s a pain the butt when they do this. Kids knock over things, they start crying, they get In the way, they get bored, I have recently had some experience in this area. If you tell the kids to mind their fingers when the conveyor belt is moving rarely do the parents back you up. They don’t even seem to notice and don’t get me started on kids literally sitting in the main part of the trolley

@WorldsOnFire Excellent post