Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend's obsession with Frida Kahlo

145 replies

anewnetter · 30/12/2019 23:34

New account. Want advice. Do not know if this is right place to post. but I think it is because I am wondering if I am being unreasonable.

To start, I am a 23 year old expecting mum. I have a little boy too he is 2 {smile}
I think my boyfriend is being strange. he is an 'artist'. aka he goes to art school and draws as a hobby. He is very into an artist named frida kahlo, who I think was from around the seventies. anyways he tells me a lot that I look like her {confused} dont know if I should take that as a compliment. seen a few photos.
anways my boyfriend goes on non stop about her. I suspect he may have aspurgers as my dad has it. With the obsession.
It has gotten to a point where he buys me flowery dresses and makes me wear them 'like frida'. Sounds fooking mad doesnt it Shock
well I thought the same.
I am not even Mexican, I am arabic!!!!
Anyways,
would I be unreasonable to ask him. or even break up with him as this 'art hobby' is getting out of hand. used to be a lovely man but I think frida is taking over his life.

OP posts:
Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 01:28

iborgia,
thank you so much. it is controlling. I have realised now.
he doesn't seem in a good mood today. I will talk tomorrow.
thank you.x

OP posts:
Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 01:29

cocoacan,

but I feel like it is more than a phase now. it's harder everyday.

OP posts:
lborgia · 31/12/2019 01:34

You're more than welcome. My closest friends would realise what I'm about to say, but I wasn't uppity to know I understand.

I had a partner who insisted on buying my clothes, choosing my make up etc. etc.. I was so torn. On the one hand he had good taste, and good ideas, on the other, it made me a prize, or an object, and the skirts were much shorter than I was comfortable with. He wasn't even trying to make me someone else, just the person he wanted.

It was distressing, bizarre, and left me in pieces.

Please don't worry about the baby.. they are born in all sorts of stressful circumstances (wars, famines), and that didn't mean it's a void thing, but it won't directly harm them. But it really can harm you.

Are you close to your parents? Can your talk to a sibling?

ViciousJackdaw · 31/12/2019 01:34

Tell him she was riddled with syphilis, that might put him off.

lborgia · 31/12/2019 01:35

Not uppity! "I want you to know I understand"!!!

Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 01:38

Iborgia,

My mother was off about him from the start. 'weird vibes'. I didn't understand at first. now I do.

I'd be embarrassing myself to tell her. that she was right alll along. I should have listened. Sad

so sorry for your experience. that sounds appaling.

OP posts:
Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 01:38

vicious jackdaw,

is that true! EnvyShock

OP posts:
AriadneAufNaxos · 31/12/2019 01:45

Believe me, you'd have very different reactions if your husband was asking you to wear overtly sexy underwear every day, or short skirts

Or equally if he were insisting that you wore long sleeved, long skirted, "modest" clothes.

The fact the style he is trying to force you to adopt is very individualistic, idiosyncratic and for many women, very stylish, is totally irrelevant. I agree with lborgia- this has to stop. The fact you are worried he will be angry if you raise it is worrying.

Can you get support from parents/ family?

Ludways · 31/12/2019 01:48

She was gorgeous, not classic but gorgeous all the same. Diego Rivera was a blob, just awful.

'Tis true, she had syphilis.

Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 01:49

I'm actually going to have a go. at talking to him. I will hopefully update soon, or tomorrow. thank you for support,
Flowers

OP posts:
MiniGuinness · 31/12/2019 02:08

she's quite masculine looking isn't she
she looks like a bloke tbh
Can you explain this? She was tiny and although she had strong and attractive features, she looks very delicate and feminine.

Iamtooknackeredtorun · 31/12/2019 02:24

I also have a bit of a thing for FK and would love to wear the dresses and flowery headbands. But if you’re uncomfortable with it then you need to tell him.

The biopic is a good watch btw

draughtycatflap · 31/12/2019 02:26

Tell him you’d rather be Tracey Emin and stop making the bed.

goodluckdontdie · 31/12/2019 02:40

Tell him you're in love with Salvador Dali and want him to dress like a Spansih surrealist from now on. Moustache and all.

JolieOBrien · 31/12/2019 03:18

I am a bit of an artist and I am obsessed with Klimt and have several of his prints scattered around my home ... I do not have aspergers btw

My boyfriend's obsession with Frida Kahlo
Coyoacan · 31/12/2019 04:30

Diego Rivera was a blob, just awful

Diego Rivera was frankly ugly, like a toad, but he is my favourite muralist so don't mess with him.

JolieOBrien · 31/12/2019 04:35

@Coyoacan

Was he suffering from some illness?

My boyfriend's obsession with Frida Kahlo
JolieOBrien · 31/12/2019 04:37

I liked Toulouse Lautrec

My boyfriend's obsession with Frida Kahlo
lborgia · 31/12/2019 04:42

Get over your embarrassment, and take refuge with your family.

If she's actually going to be unbearable about it all, you'll need to talk to agencies for help, both with children and longterm plans.

Hope the talk goes well.. do think about whether toy wasn't someone with you, or want to do it by phone. Flowers

stupidtabloidheadlines · 31/12/2019 05:12

Coyoacan I do hope you live there, in the Casa Azul ;)

JolieOBrien · 31/12/2019 05:14

@stupidtabloidheadlines

In the blue house?

Branleuse · 31/12/2019 09:11

I think having a special liking for you to dress up as Frida Kahlo is one thing, but if you're worried he will get angry at you... what do you think he will do?
I dont know, this sounds pretty bizarre. You both sound a bit vulnerable to me.

PineappleDanish · 31/12/2019 09:29

Does he ask you to call him Diego and get a monkey as a pet?

She was a great artist. But his obsession with her and projecting it onto you doesn't seem healthy.

Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 09:40

hello.

I talked yesterday. it is nearly night now. in Australia.
I said
(boyfriend name) i need to talk. I can't do this anymore. you might not realise, but this is getting out of control.

he got upset. said it didn't harm anyone. don't be overdramatic. have not talked for rest of the day and went.
I'm in the bedroom now. he is downstairs.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 31/12/2019 09:43

Its ok for him to be upset. You dont have to live a lie or modify your behaviour for him. He doesnt mind you being upset, so why do you worry about him being upset. Youre not a dress up dolly. Youre an adult woman. A whole person. He doesnt own you