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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My boyfriend's obsession with Frida Kahlo

145 replies

anewnetter · 30/12/2019 23:34

New account. Want advice. Do not know if this is right place to post. but I think it is because I am wondering if I am being unreasonable.

To start, I am a 23 year old expecting mum. I have a little boy too he is 2 {smile}
I think my boyfriend is being strange. he is an 'artist'. aka he goes to art school and draws as a hobby. He is very into an artist named frida kahlo, who I think was from around the seventies. anyways he tells me a lot that I look like her {confused} dont know if I should take that as a compliment. seen a few photos.
anways my boyfriend goes on non stop about her. I suspect he may have aspurgers as my dad has it. With the obsession.
It has gotten to a point where he buys me flowery dresses and makes me wear them 'like frida'. Sounds fooking mad doesnt it Shock
well I thought the same.
I am not even Mexican, I am arabic!!!!
Anyways,
would I be unreasonable to ask him. or even break up with him as this 'art hobby' is getting out of hand. used to be a lovely man but I think frida is taking over his life.

OP posts:
Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:11

ariadne, it is like he just switched! never liked it before. loved me for who I am.

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Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:13

would you all leave him? how would I say it.

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coffeeoclock · 31/12/2019 00:13

@AriadneAufNaxos I would consider her masculine looking personally. She had a very 'strong' looking face, the brows didn't help that. Therefore I wouldn't take it as a compliment if my partner thought I looked like her.Hmm

Nothing to do with her fashion sense/talent.

Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:14

is being masculine bad. I'd say I have a manly face. big cheekbonesSad

OP posts:
coffeeoclock · 31/12/2019 00:16

@anewnetter it's not bad, I just wouldn't like to look that way.

Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:17

coffeeoclock

I understand.

OP posts:
JesusMaryAndJosepheen · 31/12/2019 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bananafish · 31/12/2019 00:19

close, but no cigar Hmm

Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:19

how would I even begin to explain it to him

OP posts:
Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:19

banana fish,

what does that mean? did she smoke.

OP posts:
Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:23

Jesus Mary and josepheen,
that took me a minute or two to get.Grin

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Evilmorty · 31/12/2019 00:23

JesusMaryAndJosepheen Grin

Evilmorty · 31/12/2019 00:24

Let your eyebrows grow back in or buy a sharpie to save time

Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:24

evil forty I am currently growing them for him.

OP posts:
iwantavuvezela · 31/12/2019 00:26

Agree with 1/10

Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:26

1/10 as in my boyfriend's behaviour? {confuse)

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Choccylips · 31/12/2019 00:27

I'm sorry you are going through this you are very young and in a difficult position with 2 children. How long as your boyfriend had this problem. Do you think the responsibility is all to much for him so he diverted his attention into this obsession, he needs to get a hold on reality and you need to be strong for yourself and your little children he is obviously making you feel worthless at a time when you need him the most, don't let him do this to you, he has a problem, you need to tell him to sort it out as running of to the bedroom like a wayward teenager won't sort it he needs a doctor. Stay strong. and good luck

EvilHerbivore · 31/12/2019 00:29

Say you've had a think and that you've decided you both should embrace dressing like artists - you'll be Frida as long as he dresses up as Grayson Perry

Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:30

choccylips,

thank you.

around two months it has been going on. the bit about responsibility, being too much, that sounds fasinating.
it is a possibility.
it is very pathetic. what is going on.
thank you. would a doctor help.

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Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:32

I am also only around a month expecting!! I dont know what this stress could do to baby.
Wondering if maybe it's that. the stress.

OP posts:
JustASmallTownCurl · 31/12/2019 00:35

If this is real then you need to reframe your thinking.

You wouldn't be leaving him because he likes frida khalo, you'd be leaving because despite you saying you don't want to he is pushing you to do something you've told him you find uncomfortable.

And because you feel he guilts you by giving puppy eyes instead of acknowledging you're an adult who has the right to make choices and say no.

And because you've realised that by pressuring you into changing your appearance in such a big way - your face - he's making you feel you are not "enough" just as you are.

And because he prioritises his interest over his kids which is preventing him from enjoying quality time with them and also preventing him from working with you as a team by sharing the load.

It's about the principle not necessarily the specifics.

Nancydrawn · 31/12/2019 00:36

Frida Kahlo wasn't pretty, but she didn't want to be pretty.

Instead, she was gorgeous and entirely chic.

I'd much, much rather be gorgeous than pretty. Pretty is boring.

NeckPainChairSearch · 31/12/2019 00:39

would a doctor help

Yes. It's very common. My doctor holds an open clinic on Thursdays for people in the grip of artistic fervor. He saw four Van Gogh's and a Pollack last week.

It can be a bit pricey for treatment but it might be Frida students?

AriadneAufNaxos · 31/12/2019 00:39

I'd much, much rather be gorgeous than pretty. Pretty is boring

Well yes, I don't disagree with any of that but it isn't really the issue here.

Original poster
anewnetter · 31/12/2019 00:39

Nancy yes this is real. this is real and I need help.
of course I would not leave him for simply liking somebody.
but it has gone too far.
I'm upset. I wish I could go back and stop it from the beginning. now it is pathetic.
you are right.
I need to talk to him.
but I dont know how. do I sit him on the sofa and say
look
this is getting out of hand

because if I do. he'll get angry. he hasn't before but I just know he will, and it is not right.

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