To feel disappointed about the attitude towards age gap relationships on MN

[Daxilove]

Noticed a thread on here earlier about a woman whose DH left her for a much younger woman. Not condoning that particular scenario at all but I noticed so many of the comments were about the fact that there’s no way the relationship would last due to the age gap, they can’t have anything in common, OW must be a gold digger to be interested in an older man and so on.

I’m young (26) and don’t find myself attracted to men my own age at all. I usually choose to date men between 40-50 and am currently in a relationship with a 47 year old. We have lots in common, plenty to talk about and genuine mutual attraction. Yes DP is a high earner, but I am too and I’m certainly not after his money, I have my own! We love to spend our money on luxurious holidays, eating out at special places, shopping for nice things etc. As a feminist, it makes me disappointed to think that people must see us out and about together and assume that I’m some sort of gold digger or he’s a “sugar daddy”. Is this really still what people automatically think of age gap relationships in this day and age?!

Course he does. Again, she wouldnt be interested in him if he worked in a local supermarket or as a bus driver. You know, any completely normal job.

@Scarsthelot

Ha ha I know that but he doesn't look too bad for his age does he?

Well with all that money people rarely look bad for their age. When they do its cause they have gone over board with cosmetic surgery.

@Scarsthelot

He seems to have a bit of a beer belly to me

Yeah, he is mid 40s. Its quite common. Money still enables people to age less. Wether he spends time in the gym is personal choice.

Not really the point but I don't think Leo Di Caprio looks good at all. Men with 'pretty' faces like his tend not to age well. His latest contract girlfriend is welcome to him.

Not really the point but I don't think Leo Di Caprio looks good at all

Me neither. Look at his female peers who are the same age as him- they look way better. He looks like he's completely let himself go- huge beer gut etc shudder She's welcome to him as far as I'm concerned.

Not only female stars who are his peers but those who are a fair bit older - the likes of Cate Blanchett, Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston, Julianne Moore, all of whom are in their 50s, not 40s - look way better than Di Caprio.

A female star who'd 'let herself go' like he has would never get work in Hollywood.

Yes- so damn true.

I look at Leonardo DiCaprio and think: I wonder what is wrong with him? What issues/personality problems mean he is so keen to be seen with women so much younger than him, who are clearly just there for the money?

I find it all a bit pathetic to be honest.

There have long been rumours that the 'girlfriends' are for show only, if you get my drift. But that's probably a discussion for another thread!

His relationships with young models and actresses are as genuine as Cristiano Ronaldo's.

I think he looks decent for 45, tbh.

But yes, a woman who had the same signs of aging wouldnt be working at all.

I posted earlier on in the thread and wanted to address the point of why a younger woman would find a man in his 40s attractive. I was initially attracted to my DH’s personality as we share the same sense of humour and were friends first, so fell in love with him for that, but it helped that he had an amazing body too (he still does in his 50s) and took better care of himself than my younger ex and a lot of men I knew in their 20s. He was at his fittest in his 40s and got his best triathlon times. He’s slowed down a bit since then, but he’s still fitter than me!

The biology points are interesting. I knew DH was a brilliant dad already as he was separated with a kid when we met and took his responsibilities seriously. That just developed the attraction further for me. He’s essentially an amazing man. We’ve both had periods of ill health and times when we’ve needed support (financially and emotionally) where we’ve taken care of each other. We’ve also had difficulties like any other couple, but our relationship has developed and grown as a result. I’m very lucky. DH is too of course

@pixieN

Your H sounds awesome and I dont think anyone was judging relationships where people just happened to fall in love when an age gap was present. Thats normal, and people fall in love all the time without consciously thinking "im going to seek out X person". It just happens.

I think the judgement was for men who specifically seek out and will ONLY date women who are 15-20 years younger than them. To me, that is really, really creepy and says a lot about their character and need to control etc etc

I agree, @beautifulstranger101 - it’s those who only date with a large age gap, not those who happen to fall in love with someone older/younger that are creepy/sad/have issues to many of us.

Just because the op asked for opinions it doesn't make some of the opinions on here any less shitty.

The health/caring row is a non point imo. My oh is 15 years older than me and far fitter and healthier. My grandad was 20 years older than my grandma and he was her carer! Age is no reflection on health.

Very judgemental and quite immature to brand all men who date younger women as weird or creepy.

"Very judgemental and quite immature to brand all men who date younger women as weird or creepy."

Are you new to Mumsnet?

For many women that's the sole point of Mumsnet.

@siring1 no I've been here a while and sadly familiar with the unnecessary nastiness that occurs but usually there is at least some objectivity to it. This is one of the most unpleasant threads I've read in a while as it's got no real substance behind it other than people saying it's 'creepy'. Shallow and judgemental not to mention idiotic.

The comments about DiCaprio are vile. I think the posters making them are pathetic as are the many women on this thread who judge people in age gap relationships.

Women need to mind their own business more. No man could care less about about 55 YO women dating a 23 YO man.

Men who only come on to very young women ARE creepy- what's so awful about saying that? You dont think a 45 year old man who only asks out teenagers or women age 18-19 isn't creepy? Because I do.

Young women who come on to rich older men are creepy.

@beautifulstranger101 why do you think that? Age isn't always a measure of maturity or intelligence or experience. 18/19 is still an adult. You seem to be going down the route of assuming all older men are preying on young, thick, vulnerable girls which isn't always the case. And a relationship between a thirty something and a 40/50 something is a total non issue to me.

People need to get a grip. Stop being so nasty and judgemental about the choices of others.

why do you think that?

I think its due to men wanting to control women and the younger a woman is, the easier it is. As a teenager I was asked out by men 45+ and they were most definitely gross.

I'm actually shocked that people are implying this is normal and fine. If I had a 17/18 year old daughter and she was being pursued by a 50 year old man I'd be horrified and I think you'll find most people would be.

I’m going to be blunt but this is how I see it. A lot of older women are so strongly opposed to men their age dating women younger because it hurts. It’s like they’ve been traded in for a younger model who is fitter, less wrinkly, perkier boobs, slim. I find it interesting that when a man leaves his wife for a OW who happens to be a lot younger that becomes a massive focal point.

From the view of a young woman: dating an older man has benefits. They are often more mature, are more financially stable.

Either way, each party has something to offer each other & if they are genuinely happy the rest is irrelevant.

That’s the plain truth to me honest. Why young women often date older men & why older men generally prefer younger women.