To feel disappointed about the attitude towards age gap relationships on MN

[Daxilove]

Noticed a thread on here earlier about a woman whose DH left her for a much younger woman. Not condoning that particular scenario at all but I noticed so many of the comments were about the fact that there’s no way the relationship would last due to the age gap, they can’t have anything in common, OW must be a gold digger to be interested in an older man and so on.

I’m young (26) and don’t find myself attracted to men my own age at all. I usually choose to date men between 40-50 and am currently in a relationship with a 47 year old. We have lots in common, plenty to talk about and genuine mutual attraction. Yes DP is a high earner, but I am too and I’m certainly not after his money, I have my own! We love to spend our money on luxurious holidays, eating out at special places, shopping for nice things etc. As a feminist, it makes me disappointed to think that people must see us out and about together and assume that I’m some sort of gold digger or he’s a “sugar daddy”. Is this really still what people automatically think of age gap relationships in this day and age?!

Why do you?

If that question is directed at me, the reason I keep coming back is that I'm enjoying the discussion. But you have written several 'I don't care what you think' posts which is odd since surely if you didn't care, you'd be busy doing other things rather than reminding us all just how little you care?

When the 25yr old is 50 and the 50yr old is 75 the age gap suddenly becomes much more than an age gap. One becomes the carer, than the partner.

It depends entirely on what you want from a relationship long term really.

I do look at older men with much younger wives and think "that's fucking grim" though. Same as older women with much younger men. If it's about sex then fair enough, but a woman in her 40's has about as much business being with a lad in his 20's as an old man does with a younger woman (not envy).

astralweaks I don't mind. I live my life in a second language aquired in adulthood and seem only to have brain capacity to use one language well or two badly - I need help to keep/ reclaim my English!

@IcedPurple I have contributed several times but I have only written one "I don't care what you think" post. Other posters have been criticised for not coming back, I have been criticised for doing so. It seems we can't win. I shall not be posting again anyway.

Scars ive never been drunk not once. And am teetotal. Ive mentioned it several times in my posting history over the years. Drinking has never appealed to me.

"Other posters have been criticised for not coming back, I have been criticised for doing so"

Exactly. They cant quite make their minds up whether they want a whipping girl(s) or an echo chamber!

The accusations that a poster is “drunk” is just a nasty attempt to humiliate or derail.

...are just nasty attempts...

@Scarsthelot

Maybe she was drunk and struggling to deal with issues that NYE brings for her.

What, you mean her DH wanting a warm milk, and a cookie, and a hot water bottle, and his bed at 9-10pm on New year's Eve, because he's a generation older than her, and can't stay up??? 😂

@IcedPurple

You're absolutely right. If you are happy and secure in your relationship it doesn't matter a toss what complete strangers think.

Exactly this There are a few very^ defensive women on this thread. If they were so secure in their relationship, they wouldn't be so fiercely angry and defensive.

DH and i were both up until 4am.. He used to work nights when younger as did i So they are the timings we are used to.

But keep posting derogatory comments about older people

"Me and my DH are going on a trip to NZ, Australia, and Oceania for our 30th wedding anniversary, in a couple of years"

The reason not everyone can do this is not due to age but due to the fact they cant afford it.

And yet many insist on here that its the pensioners who have the money.

But keep it coming Id like you to.

It is disappointing to see people judgments on age gaps, as really, it is no one else's business and weird that people get over invested in others relationships.

If two people are happy with their relationship and it's a happy, safe and caring who's business is it,

I think it's narrow minded to throw all these relationships into a category of poor little younger woman is with strong influential man. Yes that happens, but it also happens that people just fall in love, so I wouldn't judge.

My hubby is older than me and due to genetics will probably be my carer, but he loves me non the less and would be there to do that (thankfully he didn't see that as a terrible thing and divorce me) and me for him if needed.

A side note, come on people. why are you lowering yourselves to be so goady and crash, if a person has left the thread, take it they have had enough and leave it be, name calling after them is just horrible. It should be a discussion board not a cat fight.

@HelenaDove

DH and I were both up until 4am...

Yeah, of COURSE you were.

You mean he got up for a wee at 4am, after 6 hours in bed, and woke you as he tripped over his carpet slippers, on the way to the loo.

@HeIenaDove you were being criticized for your behaviour and tantrum. And accusing people of being drunk because they wont agree with you.

It was a joke about you being drunk. I dont think you actually were. Though it would explain your outburst.

I rarely drink too. Not the total but had one glass of wine over christmas. I still think anyone who consistently seeks out relationships with people far older or far younger have issues. Thata my opinion. It doesnt actually impact you or your relationship.

I don't think there is any need ro be taking the piss out of people relationships though. From either side.

I think the phrase “the lady doth protest too much,” fits perfectly when it comes to the people getting quite so defensive about their age gap relationships. If they didn’t have doubts about it, they wouldn’t come on to a thread to post about how sooooo very happy they are, or resort to accusing those who don’t agree with such relationships of being drunk and/or jealous.

IME people who gush about their relationships in any form e.g. “we’re sooooooo in love/he/she’s the love of my life,” etc on public forums/social media are the ones who you wonder who they’re trying to convince.

It is disappointing to see people judgments on age gaps, as really, it is no one else's business and weird that people get over invested in others relationships

For the last bloody time- the OP ASKED for opinions on age gap relationships. Its not like the OP started a thread about the weather and people just barged in with their opinions on age gaps, it was asked what people thought of them and so people answered. I'm a bit baffled why people now keep saying "why do you care?!" or "why are you so invested in what other people do"? We aren't. The OP started a discussion on it and people are therefore......discussing it, on a public forum where everyone is welcome to express their opinion. If anyone doesnt want to read others opinions on the matter then they dont have to engage do they? or even look at the thread.

Its not like anyone is running up to randoms in the street and telling them their views on their relationship. You can discuss a subject rationally, without being "invested" in it.

If they didn’t have doubts about it, they wouldn’t come on to a thread to post about how sooooo very happy they are, or resort to accusing those who don’t agree with such relationships of being drunk and/or jealous.

Yes.

Plus all the 'Why are you judging? What's it to you?' comments, forgetting that our opinions were elicited by someone in an age gap relationship, even if she flounced off when she didn't get the type of responses she was presumably hoping for.

The only thing I'm a bit surprised we haven't had more of is the usual "Oh but I'm so mature and the husband is so youthful, nobody can believe I'm young enough to be his daughter!"

Oh yes they can.

For the last bloody time- the OP ASKED for opinions on age gap relationships. Its not like the OP started a thread about the weather and people just barged in with their opinions on age gaps, it was asked what people thought of them and so people answered

Absolutely opinions were asked for on age gaps in relationships and this whole forum would be nothing without everyone's opinions.

My opinion was that it is weird that people make judgments on age gaps at all, others were that it is right to be judging them. And discussing that is fine, but it starts to be weird and overly invested when people are coming back with nothing new to add just being rude, personal about others relationships and goady to other posters.

There is most definitely no power inbalance in my relationship, I have no daddy issues and most definitely know my own worth and have no insecurities

The point is, would you know it though? That is one of the appeals of a very young partner for many older men. The relationship becomes your 'normal' and the younger partner can be subtly manipulated in many ways. It truly isn't because of your (general 'your') 'maturity' no matter what he may say.

CJsgoldfish I could see why you may try and draw that conclusion as some people are unaware when it's actually them in the relationship.

I think however I will comment about my relationship people draw a negative.

If I say the truth...which is I am very aware of myself and my DH and we are just a happily married couple, with a good relationship, who happen to have an age gap......I'm seen as being defensive, gloating or have something to prove.

If I ignore, people accuse others of running off from the thread.

Composure lost.

Leonardo DiCaprio seems happy with his age gap romance

www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-7843285/Leo-DiCaprio-45-frolics-bikini-clad-beauty-Camila-Morrone-22-St-Barts.html