To feel disappointed about the attitude towards age gap relationships on MN

[Daxilove]

Noticed a thread on here earlier about a woman whose DH left her for a much younger woman. Not condoning that particular scenario at all but I noticed so many of the comments were about the fact that there’s no way the relationship would last due to the age gap, they can’t have anything in common, OW must be a gold digger to be interested in an older man and so on.

I’m young (26) and don’t find myself attracted to men my own age at all. I usually choose to date men between 40-50 and am currently in a relationship with a 47 year old. We have lots in common, plenty to talk about and genuine mutual attraction. Yes DP is a high earner, but I am too and I’m certainly not after his money, I have my own! We love to spend our money on luxurious holidays, eating out at special places, shopping for nice things etc. As a feminist, it makes me disappointed to think that people must see us out and about together and assume that I’m some sort of gold digger or he’s a “sugar daddy”. Is this really still what people automatically think of age gap relationships in this day and age?!

How can you compare human behaviour to a stag's. We are a different animal....

I say let people do what they want, but a big age gap (on either side) is not for me or my daughter.

Interesting to hear both sides.

It was a potential reasoning for why some female choose older mates, genetic strength. I'm not going to explain or defend the theory.

We are obviously different to stags 🙈. We both have natural instinct but humans have the (supposed) intelligence to act or not act upon that.

It was a potential reasoning for why some female choose older mates, genetic strength.

But given that the vast majority of females don't choose older males, why the need for a 'reasoning'?

And deers are a very different species from humans, as any zoologist will know very well. Why didn't he base his daft theory on those primates which are much closer to humans? Are female chimps gagging over older male chimps? I doubt it.

@HelenaDove

(from 00.19am)

I wonder how many nasty fuckers on this thread are struggling with a drink problem and cant deal with the issues this throws up on NYE so are looking for someone to take it out on.

Gone quiet since you spouted this vitriolic gem eh? Ashamed and embarrassed? If not, you should be.

Feeling better now after a night's sleep?

@PinkSparklyPussyCat has gone quiet too, and a couple of others too. Probably realised the vast majority of people aren't buying their story of how happy they are in their age-gap relationship, despite how much they protest.

Personally, I wouldn't be here protesting, and trying to convince everyone how 'happy' I am, if I was genuinely secure and happy in my situation. I wouldn't give a shit what people thought.

People spouting venom on here (like Helena) are showing the we have hit a verrrry raw nerve.

I mean, by that rationale, shouldn't we be attracted to 100 year old men? They have longevity in their genes after all

Oh come on it’s self serving rubbish. There may be things about older men which offset their relative disadvantages. Yes they are likely to have more assets and power. This offsets relative lack of physical attractiveness, energy, and because you are younger you can be persuaded of that more easily than if you are older and looking further ahead.

Older men hitting on teenagers is so common that we all know why they do it. It is not because of sparkling intellectual conversation or devastating social maturity. It is for the opposite reason.

I don't know Icedtea, you would have to ask him, I would hate to presume I knew a reasoning for a persons choice whom I didnt know, before actually speaking with them.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat has gone quiet too, and a couple of others too. Probably realised the vast majority of people aren't buying their story of how happy they are in their age-gap relationship, despite how much they protest.

What makes you think these posters give a shit about whether people "buy their story" or not? I don't give a damn what you think of my relationship. It's right for me and my husband and that's all that matters.

Tigger001 old stags are more experienced at fighting so win more does. Female deer don't choose their mates, they're essentially rounded up, their previous partner if there was one (the adult males don't live with the females outside breeding season so sometimes there was no previous stag) beaten up, then they're raped.

Obviously that language is anthropomorphic and doesn't really apply to the animal kingdom, but female deer don't choose the male with the best antlers - they don't choose at all.

Older men hitting on teenagers is so common that we all know why they do it. It is not because of sparkling intellectual conversation or devastating social maturity. It is for the opposite reason

Well, quite.

Gone quiet since you spouted this vitriolic gem eh?Ashamed and embarrassed? If not, you should be.

Maybe she was drunk and struggling to deal with issues that NYE brings for her

There may be things about older men which offset their relative disadvantages. Yes they are likely to have more assets and power. This offsets relative lack of physical attractiveness, energy, and because you are younger you can be persuaded of that more easily than if you are older and looking further ahead.

Exactly.

The reason some older men may be attractive to some younger women isn't because of biology, but in spite of it. Generally speaking, a man needs to have something special to offer if he is to attract a well-balanced, attractive young woman with decent prospects in life.

We're always told - and indeed were reminded in this discussion - that men are biologically 'wired' to prefer younger women. There is surely some basis in this, given that older women are less likely to produce healthy children and at a certain point will not be able to produce them at all. I would say that the same argument applies - though perhaps to a lesser extent - to men. Since young men are more virile and better able to produce viable offspring, then surely women are 'biologically wired' to prefer them over older men?

What makes you think these posters give a shit about whether people "buy their story" or not

Well, mainly because one of them had an apparent angry meltdown earlier and told people that disagreed with her that they must have a drinking problem. Not quite sure why anyone disagreeing with her means they are an alcoholic but alrighty then.

I think we were also told that we were bitter and jealous.

So that could be why...

And for fucks sake there no biological reason for women to choose older males.

beautifulstranger101 perhaps the grandsons/ great grandsons of hundred year old men? That's why it's a great idea to take a centurion on all your first dates and introduce them as your great-grandfather. Even better take along four very elderly people to introduce as your grandparents, to show that you've a solid genome with long lived ancestors on all sides.

Even better take along four very elderly people to introduce as your grandparents

Imagine that on a first date!

I also agree with an earlier poster who said that one of the attractions of older men is that they are less attractive, so to speak.

A handsome, charming young man with a decent job is going to have his pick of woman and less incentive to limit himself to just one. A man in his 40s or older - even if good-looking and otherwise attractive - much less so, and will likely be hugely grateful that an attractive young woman would consider them. So in that sense, they are much less of a challenge to a young woman.

@MrsMillerbecameababy you mean a centenarian. A centurion is a Roman soldier. It would be rather impressive if someone brought one of those on a date, real proof of longevity.

I don't give a damn what you think of my relationship. It's right for me and my husband and that's all that matters.

You're absolutely right. If you are happy and secure in your relationship it doesn't matter a toss what complete strangers think.

So why keep coming back to this thread?

Yes, why bother dignifying the opinions with a response if you don’t care? Weird.

SerenDippitty autocorrect, honest gov' ! Actually I am slightly concerned that I am losing my ability to use the English language in my old age (live in a non English speaking country, spend my days speaking and writing a different language).

A still healthy centurion ancestor is obviously the ultimate proof of being excellent breeding stock and would certainly have potential mates lining up 'round the block, obviously.

Why do you?

SerenDippitty

@MrsMillerbecameababy you mean a centenarian. A centurion is a Roman soldier. It would be rather impressive if someone brought one of those on a date, real proof of longevity.

You knew what the poster meant so why the green biro response?