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Original poster

To feel disappointed about the attitude towards age gap relationships on MN

756 replies

Daxilove · 30/12/2019 22:52

Noticed a thread on here earlier about a woman whose DH left her for a much younger woman. Not condoning that particular scenario at all but I noticed so many of the comments were about the fact that there’s no way the relationship would last due to the age gap, they can’t have anything in common, OW must be a gold digger to be interested in an older man and so on.

I’m young (26) and don’t find myself attracted to men my own age at all. I usually choose to date men between 40-50 and am currently in a relationship with a 47 year old. We have lots in common, plenty to talk about and genuine mutual attraction. Yes DP is a high earner, but I am too and I’m certainly not after his money, I have my own! We love to spend our money on luxurious holidays, eating out at special places, shopping for nice things etc. As a feminist, it makes me disappointed to think that people must see us out and about together and assume that I’m some sort of gold digger or he’s a “sugar daddy”. Is this really still what people automatically think of age gap relationships in this day and age?! Confused

OP posts:
Techiemummy · 31/12/2019 14:54

*I personally find any age gap >10 years revolting, and assume there is something wrong with both parties

Wow, what a delightful comment*

Why do this care anyway?

Crack on love. Dont come running back here when your old man starts eyeing up the younger ones. Its biology after all.

SerenDippitty · 31/12/2019 14:54

I personally find any age gap >10 years revolting, and assume there is something wrong with both parties.

That comment says a lot more about you than it does about anyone in an age gap relationship.

GinDaddy · 31/12/2019 15:00

"I personally find any age gap >10 years revolting, and assume there is something wrong with both parties"

What a perfectly narrow minded view of the world. Wine

Lozz22 · 31/12/2019 15:24

*When I see a man with a gf 20 years younger than him. I think sad bastard. It makes him look pathetic
*
🙄 there's 18 years between me and my Fella. That doesn't make him look pathetic when we're together. We'd have being having our first Baby when I was nearly 35 and him nearly 53 had we not lost her. Would being an older first time Dad make him pathetic too!!

HotSince82 · 31/12/2019 15:28

From a personal perspective I quite concur that I nearly wasted my youth selling it to old men.
I've always been baby faced, make of that what you will and my exDH was eleven years my senior, we met when I was sixteen and he was twenty seven. Long story short is that we were together for ten years, during that time he took drugs, cheated umpteen times and physically/emotionally/financially abused me.
My next LTR was with a man of forty five when I was twenty seven. My goodness he was a piece of work! He told me that at twenty seven I was the 'best looking woman in any room at least nine out of ten times' but also that this wouldn't be the case in ten years so I was lucky to have an older partner who wouldn't leave me as my looks began to fade...Hmm
He freely admitted to aiming to date women around the age of thirty as they 'still had their looks' and when I was at his house I found a hugestash of teenage porn in the bottom of the wardrobe, plus his internet history was very telling... he suffered from death grip from wanking to redtube so often, I could go on but I'm sure you get the picture that he was an entirely revolting specimen.
I met my now DH when I was 28 and he almost 21. He was twenty nine last month and I turned thirty seven yesterday. I have honestly never been happier than in this relationship. Yes he is almost eight years younger but we have the same points of reference from childhood, he pulls his weight at home, is a good father and worships me, if I may say that without coming across as conceited.
I question my younger self and really think there must have been something wrong with me to have gone for such older men.

I certainly don't look at women in their twenties with much older partners and feel envy, quite the reverse.

corythatwas · 31/12/2019 15:29

Two images spring to mind here.

One is of my 63yo MIL and 80yo FIL partying with the neighbours: as far as I can see, he never held her back in any way: they enjoyed life, travelled for as long as they could and socialised for much longer. Very happy memories of her turning the floodlights on so we could waltz in her suburban garden one New Year. FIL was not able to waltz, but as he had been lame since his teens (TB) that can hardly have come as a surprise.

Nor did she have to do much nursing: she was the one who developed cancer in her mid-70s, though she went into remission. He did quickly of a heart attack aged 93. Otoh it may well be that my own DM will have to deal with my DF- only 3 months older than her- developing dementia.

The other memory is that of visiting a friend in her early 20s in her first home with her controlling and frankly terminally boring boyfriend. I could see her ageing before my eyes. That lad had never been young.

NameChangeNugget · 31/12/2019 15:51

I personally find any age gap >10 years revolting

Helpful, to the debate.... Xmas Biscuit

AlexanderHalexander · 31/12/2019 16:05

The OP asked what people thought of large age gap relationships, that's what I honestly think.

People who are twenty yers younger or older than me, (i.e. 12 year olds or 52 year oldsShock) are not people I would look at as a potential partner.

In my experience, older men look to younger women to 'regain' their youth (my dad did this), and end up paranoid about their age and impending death, walking around in superdry hoodies in their 50s looking like grade A cunts.

Women who go for much older men tend to have sacrificed love/attraction/compatibility for someone who will pay the bills and doesn't want to go out clubbing anymore.

Can't comment on a much older women/younger man relationship as I don't know any, but Caroline Flack isn't a good poster woman really.

www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/relationships/everyone-in-restaurant-hoping-those-two-are-father-and-daughter-20181211180388

AlexanderHalexander · 31/12/2019 16:08

I also think that these older man relationships are part of the infantilisation of men, who subconsciously absorb the message that they can fuck around and be a teenager until they are 45, then find a 25 year old to breed with.

Yuck

ForalltheSaints · 31/12/2019 16:10

OP you may be in a minority and you are looking at it from the younger woman's perspective.

The kind of man who leaves his wife or has an affair with someone ten or more years younger is usually someone who sees women as playthings or just sexual objects, and does not value women highly. We have one as Prime Minister, for example.

Pinkarsedfly · 31/12/2019 16:12

This thread is horrible Sad

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 31/12/2019 16:15

Alexander I obviously can't speak for everyone but I haven't sacrificed anything for my relationship and I pay my share of the bills - not everyone fits your ridiculous stereotype.

Oh and DH wasn't looking for someone to 'breed with' (awful description) he knew from day one I didn't want children.

It must be awful going through life being as narrow minded as you!

dottypotter · 31/12/2019 16:16

so long as the couple are happy what does it matter nobody elses business.

Many people of the same age or similar age are breaking up all the time!!

dottypotter · 31/12/2019 16:18

The OP asked what people thought of large age gap relationships, that's what I honestly think.

People who are twenty yers younger or older than me, (i.e. 12 year olds or 52 year oldsshock) are not people I would look at as a potential partner.

In my experience, older men look to younger women to 'regain' their youth (my dad did this), and end up paranoid about their age and impending death, walking around in superdry hoodies in their 50s looking like grade A cunts.

Women who go for much older men tend to have sacrificed love/attraction/compatibility for someone who will pay the bills and doesn't want to go out clubbing anymore.

Can't comment on a much older women/younger man relationship as I don't know any, but Caroline Flack isn't a good poster woman really.

What an awful post. Such a stereotype as well.

AlexanderHalexander · 31/12/2019 16:23

Well, srry if I've offended you but that's I think. I imagine a lot of other people think the same.

I don't see a problem with anything up to a 10 year gap (so 22 to 42 for me) as I would see the couple as belonging to the same 'generation'.

OwlBeThere · 31/12/2019 16:29

@beautifulstranger101 of course no one wants their spouse to have dementia, but that’s not the same as begrudging or being bitter about caring for them.
And I would wager that there are just as many spouses with a partner the same age with dementia who are bitter about it. The age of the spouse has little to do with it.

Look, at the end of all this, people are different and value different things. Just because you wouldn’t choose to live a certain way doesn’t mean that someone else is wrong for making that choice.
As long as both people in a relationship are consenting adults, then it’s really not anyone else’s concern.

ilovethickboys2 · 31/12/2019 16:31

exactly. I'm 32 and hubby is 54, I dont care as I love himSmilewe've been together since I was 18.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 31/12/2019 16:44

Again I can't speak for others but I'm not offended, just thankful I'm not like you Alexander, believing all the stereotypes.

AlexanderHalexander · 31/12/2019 16:55

Pinksparkly - glad your happy. I’m also so so happy I’m not married to someone 20 years older, and looks like 69% of voters on this thread are too.

A happy new year for all!

Scarsthelot · 31/12/2019 17:05

ilovethickboys2 so since he was 40 and you were 18.

Even now you dont think that's odd?

Sh0na · 31/12/2019 17:14

That is awful. A forty year old getting together with an 18 year old! Wow.

IcedPurple · 31/12/2019 17:24

No matter how 'mature' the teen likes to think she is, a 40 year old dating a teenager is grim.

AlexanderHalexander · 31/12/2019 17:27

I remember 40 year old men trying it on in clubs when I was 18, they were universally awful.

Envy
IcedPurple · 31/12/2019 17:37

A 40 year old - even a handsome, relatively youthful looking 40 year old - would have seemed utterly ancient to me as a teenager. Which given that he would be more than twice my age, is quite reasonable. What kind of 40 year old man considers it OK to date a teenager?

motherheroic · 31/12/2019 17:41

Forty year old getting with a teenager is an absolute loser in my eyes.