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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To barricade bedroom tonight?

148 replies

SulSul · 30/12/2019 21:00

DFH has been in a silent mood with me for past two days. Won’t tell me what’s up. Tonight he served up popadoms on two plates. I pointed out that the last time I did that he had a go, started an argument and said they should all be on one plate to “share”. I asked why it was different this time. He said it was “no big deal” and he “wasn’t getting into an argument about it”. Well it was a fucking big deal last time ... he made sure of it.

Anyway. I let it go.

He then let’s the dogs out. Somehow he “stubs his toe” during. This enrages him. He then makes some snide comment when he gets back in about “oh well, I’ll let your dogs ravage Each other cos I can’t be arsed now”. After telling me nothing is wrong??? Well I’ve lost it well and truly. Have screamed “what the fuck are you getting at me for?? My fucking dogs??? I’m not your verbal fucking punch bag you absolute tosser.” He’s made a quick retreat and is now playing on his stupid fucking game (the one that is helping to destroy our marriage) by himself. I’m so fucking angry. Months of frustration has poored out of me and I want a divorce. In the meantime, AIBU to take “my fucking dogs” to bed with me and barricade him out of the fucking bedroom?

OP posts:
midsomermurderess · 30/12/2019 21:39

And you are not being gaslighted about the poppadoms.

Lovemusic33 · 30/12/2019 21:42

Your feeling depressed because your living with an abusive c*nt. please leave him, use all the anger you have now to tell him it’s over.

Whatsername177 · 30/12/2019 21:42

Leave him. The only thing you have to lose is the shitty situation you are currently in.

Original poster
SulSul · 30/12/2019 21:45

Oh and I no longer have a full time job as he convinced me I’d be better off part time. Luckily I’m a nurse so no shortage of jobs going. I shall apply for full time tomorrow.

OP posts:
speakout · 30/12/2019 21:47

Why are you choosing to live like this OP?

Original poster
SulSul · 30/12/2019 21:48

I’m not. I’ve spent the past few weeks knowing something want right with my life. Now I know what it is

OP posts:
Original poster
SulSul · 30/12/2019 21:48

*wasnt

OP posts:
Bluebutterfly90 · 30/12/2019 21:49

You do sound like you've truly had enough. And a relationship where your partner goes moody and ignores you for days is no relationship at all. Obviously you guys shouldn't be shouting at each other, but things have obviously come to their conclusion.
Just keep your distance from him emotionally and get your ducks in a row for divorce. Neither of you seems happy here.

GaraMedouar · 30/12/2019 21:50

It sounds like you know what to do for 2020. You’d be happier single - life’s too short to put up with this passive aggressive shit. Flowers

Pinkette06 · 30/12/2019 21:54

Start afresh for 2020 op, getting your job back full time sounds like a good start too Flowers

Cluelessbeetroot · 30/12/2019 21:59

The pension stuff is not on.
The gaming is a clear indication he has checked out of your relationship.
Thankfully seems more like your sons had enough of the atmosphere in the house + wanted to move out for own reasons as well; rather than your husband being actually abusive to them in anyway.

Eustacecraig · 30/12/2019 22:04

And you are not being gaslighted about the poppadoms.

She plainly is. He causes a huge argument over how they're served, then serves them that way himself and says it's 'no big deal'. Why would he do that, if not to cause her to doubt her memory and perception of events? He is using contradiction to destabilise and delegitimise what she feels and felt about the previous argument. He's done it on purpose.

Choccylips · 30/12/2019 22:10

Are you taking the dogs into the bed because your afraid of him? if so you need to get out of the relationship which doesn't sound very happy at all. Are you both burying your heads in the sand you with your dogs him with his computer games. Life is to short to live in misery.

Dieu · 30/12/2019 22:16

If you're at the stage of arguing over things like plating poppadoms, then yeah, it's maybe time to cut your losses. You both sound very reactive, yet defeated at the same time. But I can totally see how it could come to that Thanks

maddening · 30/12/2019 22:17

Make it real and tell someone in rl so they can be your sound board while you line up your ducks, you've found the strength to make the decision now don't lose momentum 😊

puds11 · 30/12/2019 22:21

He’s an arsehole. Divorce him as soon as possible. And the poppadom situation is classic gaslighting. The not speaking to you is emotional abuse too. People don’t get how damaging being ignored can be.

LunchBoxPolice · 30/12/2019 22:23

You both sound like a nightmare tbh.

BarbourellaTheCoatzilla · 30/12/2019 22:26

I’ve spent the past few weeks knowing something want right with my life. Now I know what it is
You didn’t realise that when your sons said they left because of his behaviour? I’m glad you’ve finally wised up, but remember this if you ever doubt your decision. It’s one thing saying you’re leaving and another doing.

WinterSunglasses · 30/12/2019 22:28

Amazed at lots of these replies. Better late than never when finding your anger OP. Yes, sort out going back to full time work tomorrow. Whose name is the house in? You'll feel so relieved to have space to yourself.

Inanothertime · 30/12/2019 22:28

New year, new life. Get out OP. He's driving you mad.

Clutterbugsmum · 30/12/2019 22:34

Sounds like you have truly reached the end of your rope.

Luckily you have the means to sort out a new full time job, and new life in the new year.

And yes barricade the bedroom door, and stop doing things for him.

midsomermurderess · 30/12/2019 23:32

Gaslighting is a sustained course of behaviour not someone being a contrary arse. If you are going to bandy these terms around, at least know what they mean. You hollow them out of all meaning otherwise and do more harm than good. What did someone say the other day 'learned Mumsnet responses'. Knee-jerk, half-understood nonsense, trotted out witlessly.

JammyGem · 30/12/2019 23:45

You both sound as bad as each other. So he treats your sons so bad they leave home, but it's a stupid argument about poppadoms that's the final straw?

Sounds like you'd both me better off and happier if you split up.

JammyGem · 30/12/2019 23:46

Also, please don't undermine those who have actually suffered emotional abuse by throwing around terms you don't understand.

notanurse2017 · 30/12/2019 23:49

If only your sons had known that you would finally rake action because of a poppadom.

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