Can’t get over being left by DH for a younger woman

[Flowerbombs6]

Last year DH (45) ended our marriage of 20 years. He’d been having an affair with a 25 year old woman and eventually left to be with her, after a year of going behind my back. We have one child together (conceived at 38 after IVF). Throughout our marriage, DH was rarely around due to focussing on his business which required him to work at home until the early hours and go abroad often. Money was tight and I was the one financially supporting us both, along with all of the mental support DH needed to encourage him to keep going with the business through hard times. We didn’t have holidays, no fancy things, rarely any quality time together... but I supported him because I loved him.

DH’s business became very successful and financially lucrative, he’s now taken a back seat from the day to day running of the business and is effectively semi-retired. Since leaving me for his new girlfriend, they’ve been on endless luxury holidays, have a beautiful house, fancy cars and he appears to be spoiling her with high end gifts left right and centre (I know all of this because embarrassingly, I can’t help myself from stalking her public social media pages). I feel as though his new girlfriend is getting to enjoy his best years, whilst I’m left to raise our DC at home with barely enough time exercise or do anything for myself and it really hurts. I’m in my 40s, not in great shape since having DC and lost my looks years ago. Meanwhile DH has shacked up with a stunningly beautiful woman half my age who has everything I don’t and are living a life of luxury.

Today DH dropped off DC after having her for a couple of days. DC told me that Daddy’s girlfriend is beautiful like a princess and asked why I didn’t look like her and whether that was why Daddy left us. It broke my heart and I can’t stop crying. AIBU for feeling sickeningly jealous of DH’s new life and for thinking that I’m never going to get over what’s happened?

Gosh how awful, I'm so sorry.
I know it's just the tip of the iceberg but one thing you said - I'm sure you haven't "lost your looks". Why not treat yourself to a nice haircut sometime to boost your confidence? Maybe even go on a date one day, if you feel like it? Definitely better than looking on his social media

He's a shit, but I hope you got at least half of all assets in the divorce settlement ?
And good CM ?

Can you afford to indulge yourself too, e.g. PT, hair, nails, face makeover, new wardrobe etc
and also enjoy luxury holidays with DD ?

Just want to say that sounds awful but I’m sure you won’t feel this wretched forever. Kids don’t understand what they are saying, please be kind to yourself.

She will leave him when he's older; what common frame of reference can they have? When she is 40, will being with a 60 year old he a good thing?

Make sure you take him for everything you can when you divorce, and that you and dc are taken care of financially.

My bil has just done this with a 25 year age gap. I pointed out that when I was the same age as his new woman, my Dad was bils age, but it didn't sink in.

Sounds like you are still married. Make sure you get everything you're owed out of the divorce and move on. It's clear why that woman is with him but relationships like that rarely last. You have your DC. Focus on her. You are the most important person in the world to her, whatever she says about the GF.

Thanks everyone, we are still married at the moment.

Ugh. That's just horrid. I am so sorry. May they both fall over and break their teeth (nothing fatal but painful and expensive)

When is the divorce? Hopefully you’ll have more after that. Surely you must be entitled to a fair bit having supported him all those years.

What an arse, honestly you’re better off without him. It’s tricky as your dc needs to know how shallow her thoughts are without running her dad down.

I am sorry :(. Make sure you and the kids get everything that you are owed. Also make sure to make it very clear he only got into the financial luxury he is in now because you supported him by raising the kids, had financially supported him, and other sacrifices you made

How horrible.

Here's to new beginnings OP.

First, stop looking at the woman's social media, nothing but harm to yourself happens from it. Stop hurting yourself. You'll find this frees you up massively.

Second, she's a 25 year old, probably can't leave the house unless she's caked in makeup, and she's the kind of woman who has an affair with someone else's husband, knowing there's a child at the centre of it too. Not much there to be admired, a pretty ugly princess in fact.

Third, exercise. It will make you feel fantastic and increase your energy levels. Join a gym, it'll feel odd at first, but you'll get into the swing of it and feel marvellous. 100% guaranteed.

Fourth, create your own life of luxury. There's a great world out there, get out into it. Your happiness does not depend on anything he does now.

Men are really fucking trash, aren’t they

Sounds like a midlife crisis and she’s enjoying his money! It probably won’t last, op, but I can see why you feel like shit.

How often does your ex have dc? How old is your dc? 7? If so, old enough to be reminded about being kind and not saying hurtful things...

Make sure you have a bloody good solicitor. You’re entitled to half of your joint assets, so no reason for you and dc not to go on luxury holidays too!

Look forward, what do you want to do this year? Make sure you take time for you, and do things you enjoy. Self care. And keep off your ex’s social media! No good will come of that...

💐

Don’t take a backseat here OP.. I’d be inclined to hit him where it hurts-his wallet!

I’m so sorry to hear that OP, what a shitty thing your soon to be ex husband has done. I agree with the posters who have said to make sure you get what you are due financially.
The more you can focus on yourself and not what they are up to the better you will feel. I know this is easier said than done. Do you have any friends you could arrange some nice activities with? How about booking yourself a beauty treatment or having a home spa day. Do you like going to the cinema or for walks. All of these things will help you a bit. It may also be worth having some counselling and getting some strategies to deal all of this.

Focus on getting through the divorce with a good settlement, then getting on with your life.

Oh dear - that’s a kick, it really is. What a rat (and it will most likely end up like that tv celebrity baker and his young lady friend).

I’ve seen it a few times - men of a certain age running after young women and blowing all their money. The women have, in the main, not hung around (a generalisation I know, but it’s what I’ve seen in real life).

He is a fool. I hope you have a good lawyer and - if this is your choice - end it for good.

As for the new girl - we were all stunning pre-kids at 25! I can’t for the life of me imagine going out with someone young enough to be my child - I work with a lot of people that age and they are (to my old eyes - and I do like them as colleagues, they really are nice people) shallow, self centred and over indulgent. No interest in the world around them, the arts, books etc. I’d go mad within an hour if I took up with a 25 year old.

Your ex is an arsehole, and men are such idiots.

I tell dh if he did this to me no way would I cover his dicheakness to our DC.

I’d hurry that divorce along and claim your half or more.
Then treat yourself to the makeover and clothes and relaxing holidays that you didn’t have before. Get back in shape for yourself and your daughter. 2020 is when you start rebuilding xx

As PPs say, where are you on the financial settlement? That’s the primary issue here IMO!

Oh god OP, what an absolute scumbag!

You deserve to be financially compensated for this, please get the best divorce solicitor that you can afford and get some advice ASAP.

Unfortunately you will not be able to move on whilst checking her social media pages. We’ve all been there and it’s hard, but for your own sake block them - out of sight, out of mind. Which I understand will be hard to believe right now but trust me you WILL get over this and there will be a point where you won’t give them a second thought.

You say you’re out of shape and have lost your looks. Whilst your weight and looks are not everything, maybe use your anger and hurt from this situation to get in better shape and look after yourself more. Not to compete with her, but for you to feel good in your own skin.

You’ve got this OP! 💐💐💐

Divorce proceedings? Take him for everything he is worth. That shall ease your pain a little.

Divorce him. Get a really good settlement. Put this shit behind you and concentrate on making your life great.

You’re not old, and I expect you’re just tired rather than having lost your looks (which is a ridiculous thing to think - we change and that’s natural).

He is a prick. Find your anger then find a lawyer.

The new gf may have her looks - for now - but she is an OW who chose to sleep with a married man
and break up a family containing a young child

Selfish irresponsible bitch
and your DH is an even more selfish irresponsible shit for choosing her over his family

You need a good lawyer to ensure you get at least half of all assets you helped create - house, business, pension etc - so you and DD can share the luxury

Well isn’t he a scummy bastard?!

Have a sit down with your child, and explain that how people look on the outside doesn’t always reflect who they are on the inside. Some people look like princesses but aren’t very nice, and some people don’t look anything like a princess but they are beautiful on the inside. I think Roald Dahl covers that sentiment in one of his books, if you want to hammer it home.

Take him to the cleaners and start moving forward OP, he’ll realise what he’s lost when it’s too late, the utter twat.

Think yourself lucky that he’s made his money now, and you can get a decent divorce settlement.