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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let me DPs family look after our kids

106 replies

An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 16:23

Me and DP getting married in a few weeks, only us & witnesses. Because of his family.

They smoke weed around the kids, have ago & are ridicule me for not giving them pop ( coke, Dr pepper etc) and chocolate because they're 2 and the other 9 months.
Like always drop comments like, "well when I get to look after you and your mums not about I'm gonna give you all that kinda stuff"...

They taught another family child to say things like "daddy is a dickhead" and to roll cigs.

I'm talking every single family member is like this.

My mum is my only family and she's away in Florida.
Iv suggested we get hire a baby sitter (obviously meetings prior) and DP is refusing and said we can just give the kids to his family.
This means over night at our house. However they're incapable of giving proper meals, so both children wouldn't be fed properly. E.g. just a packet of crisps and some toast.

I might sound like I'm over reacting but they're literally the family from hell.

aibu? Do I just give in? They've never had in supervised contact

OP posts:
Winterdaysarehere · 29/12/2019 16:25

And you really want these to be your new family members why??

HardofCleaning · 29/12/2019 16:26

Errr they sound horrendous. No way would I be sending my 9 month old to be smoked all over and given coke.

Merryoldgoat · 29/12/2019 16:27

Ffs.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2019 16:27

Why aren’t your DC coming to the wedding?

No way is hell would I leave a child with those people and you can’t trust your DP to put them first if he would. Worrying.

MakeItRain · 29/12/2019 16:27

No, don't give in. If you absolutely have to book someone you don't know, try to find someone who's highly recommended preferably by people you know. But don't leave your children with these people. Does your mum know anyone who might help out?

Folicky · 29/12/2019 16:30

They sound like the cast of Shameless. Of course you cannot leave your children with them. Friends of yours, childminders, if it comes to it bring them with you

HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 29/12/2019 16:31

So they’re not good enough to be invited to your wedding (they do sound grim tbf), but they’re good enough to leave the most precious people in your lives to be taken care of by them while you get married? Maybe it’s because I’m full of cheese but I don’t get it?

Savingforarainyday · 29/12/2019 16:32

Your mum isnt coming to your wedding?

Original poster
An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 16:35

We didn't do a proper wedding because of his family been horrible and me not having alot of family. They're the type to steal the cutlery from a venue. Luckily DP is nothing like them. My mum's not coming because she already booked to go on holiday. I don't have any friends to look after them. The wedding is paid for & only for two people so we can't take the kids

OP posts:
NorthernLightsInWinter · 29/12/2019 16:36

I wouldn't marry anyone with a family like this who wasn't willing to ensure his child didn't turn out the same. And that means no unsupervised access at vulnerable ages.

Rethink your life.

BrickTop999 · 29/12/2019 16:38

Why did you book your wedding for the same time your mum is on holiday ?? That makes no sense
The whole family sound vile - god knows why you are marrying into it !

HairyDogsOfThigh · 29/12/2019 16:42

If your dp is nothing like them, then i assume he is on the same page as you not wanting them to be smoked over and fed fizzy drinks etc, so why would he want his family to look after them?

spingly · 29/12/2019 16:43

I'd rather not get married than leave my children with them! Did you not prioritise your children and care arrangements over your wedding? You just booked it and then realised you'd no one to look after the children? Really? How is it for only two people?

BaolFan · 29/12/2019 16:43

WTF? So your DP doesn't want them at the wedding because they are vile and untrustworthy, yet he's quite happy to leave his very young children in their care?

If he seriously doesn't see a problem with this then I'd be re-thinking about marrying him full stop.

Original poster
An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 16:45

I didn't realise my mum was going away then, I thought she was going away months after. My sister has agreed to watch them during. He said he'd rather them watch the kids then a stranger.

OP posts:
fishonabicycle · 29/12/2019 16:45

Your husband sounds dodgy. As do his family.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2019 16:46

Why did you book anything without sorting safe appropriate childcare?! What did you think would happen?

FraglesRock · 29/12/2019 16:46

Nope. They go with you. I can't think of a venue that would say no. Baby in a pram, dc on a seat with a kiddy camera.

WizardOfAus · 29/12/2019 16:46

Sorry, why are you marrying this guy?

Violetparis · 29/12/2019 16:47

Why did you book the wedding without ensuring you had someone decent to look after your kids ? If you can't find a responsible babysitter you will have to cancel the wedding.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/12/2019 16:47

Your sister can’t keep them? Is she okay with not being invited?

Just have the kids with you. We had a small wedding but my then quite young DSC were with us the night before, the day and that night.

ohwheniknow · 29/12/2019 16:48

Your partner can't be that different if he would be happy to leave your children alone with them.

Violetparis · 29/12/2019 16:48

You all sound totally irresponsible and as bad as each other.

ohwheniknow · 29/12/2019 16:49

How is your sister a stranger?

BettysLeftTentacle · 29/12/2019 16:50

Luckily DP is nothing like them.

Well he is because he’s be happy for his vile family to look after your children Hmm