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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let me DPs family look after our kids

106 replies

An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 16:23

Me and DP getting married in a few weeks, only us & witnesses. Because of his family.

They smoke weed around the kids, have ago & are ridicule me for not giving them pop ( coke, Dr pepper etc) and chocolate because they're 2 and the other 9 months.
Like always drop comments like, "well when I get to look after you and your mums not about I'm gonna give you all that kinda stuff"...

They taught another family child to say things like "daddy is a dickhead" and to roll cigs.

I'm talking every single family member is like this.

My mum is my only family and she's away in Florida.
Iv suggested we get hire a baby sitter (obviously meetings prior) and DP is refusing and said we can just give the kids to his family.
This means over night at our house. However they're incapable of giving proper meals, so both children wouldn't be fed properly. E.g. just a packet of crisps and some toast.

I might sound like I'm over reacting but they're literally the family from hell.

aibu? Do I just give in? They've never had in supervised contact

OP posts:
ohwheniknow · 29/12/2019 16:51

Hang on, how can you have no family except your mum but also have a sister?

spingly · 29/12/2019 16:55

So..,. You just booked your wedding and didn't ask your mum are you free on Xx date babysit ....... ok then!

Dogno1 · 29/12/2019 16:57

I don't understand. Is this like a Gretna Green wedding package? In which case I'm sure the kids will be welcome and you'll just have to pay extra if you're having a sit down meal for 4 adults after. Or you can feed the kids before the meal?

littlepaddypaws · 29/12/2019 16:57

all sounds a dodgy as fuck tbh. if this is true i wouldn't be marrying into this disgusting family, find it hard to believe dp is more 'refined' than his scummy relatives. why rhe heck did you have dc together when you know what the family are like ?
i bet you didn't dream of this life happening whenyou were little.

tired456 · 29/12/2019 16:58

I couldn't have a family day especially a wedding without my kids being there. Wouldn't you want them to be involved?

ChristmasSweet · 29/12/2019 17:00

Your soon to be husband is exactly like his family. He's happy for them to treat his kids that way. He's not saying no to it, he doesn't care, he thinks it's fine.

Wake up and see the signs. You're about to make a big mistake in your life.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/12/2019 17:01

Phone the venue and tell them you're bringing the kids. Or cancel the wedding. It's that simple.

Dogno1 · 29/12/2019 17:02

Plus if it now involves an overnight why don't you just book a local registrar's office? I'm sure the witnesses would happily have the kids sat with them for the 10min ceremony and then you could go home after. No babysitters required 🤔

Original poster
An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 17:11

Its literally just us going to the registry office, we've paid for it to be just us and two witnesses that's all they allow. He's nothing like his family that's why I'm marrying him 🙄

OP posts:
Popfan · 29/12/2019 17:13

You still haven't explained properly why your DP doesn't want his family at the wedding but is happy to leave his 2 small children with them? Doesn't make any sense at all.

Original poster
An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 17:15

We just have a booking at 9.30 to get married at the town hall, with two witnesses, that's what we've paid for they won't allow the kids in.

My sister is going to watch them before going to college, whilst we get married.

I booked when my mum was on holiday because I didn't know that's when she was going, I thought it was April she was going not February.

My DP wouldn't leave the kids with his family if there was no other choice and to him he'd rather leave them with his family then a stranger.

He isn't like his family and we try distance our self from them as much as possible.

OP posts:
littlepaddypaws · 29/12/2019 17:16

op seems to be wearing rose tinted glasses as she doesn't see what is obvious to nearly everyone elseposting on here.

fishonabicycle · 29/12/2019 17:22

Distancing yourselves is not the same as leaving your children with them! I should think some random off the street would be a better option!

blackcat86 · 29/12/2019 17:24

Why are your children even in contact with people who openly smoke weed around them and teach other children to swear? Surely the only acceptable outcome is NC and if your DP isnt willing to do that then he clearly doesn't agree how serious and unsavoury it is. I would be looking to move far away from them.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/12/2019 17:24

You're clearly going to let his family have them because you're arguing with every alternative suggestion.

Cancel or change the date to when your moms back.

I can't imagine a town hall refusing children. That makes no sense.

spingly · 29/12/2019 17:24

So you just booked without checking your mum was free that day........even if she was on holiday it's no excuse.

So go get married, let your sister go to college and go straight home.

Leaving your children with people that will smoke weird around them is negligence, if you're negligent parents then crack on. However it may lead to further repercussions and that's on your head.

ohwheniknow · 29/12/2019 17:25

Why is your sister a stranger?

Why do you say you have no family except your mum if you have a sister?

Why do you think your partner is totally different from people whose behaviour you abhor but he condones and accepts?

If anybody should be rolling their eyes here it's not you.

Popfan · 29/12/2019 17:25

Well there's no way I'd leave my children with them. Cancel the wedding and rearrange it so you can have the children with you or you have proper child care. Your children must come first and you aren't protecting them by allowing them to be some where unsafe for them.

stophuggingme · 29/12/2019 17:26

Cancel the wedding

Popfan · 29/12/2019 17:27

And tbh I wouldn't be marrying someone who would be happy to let this happen.
As a pp said you are both being very neglectful.

Palavah · 29/12/2019 17:28

Why are you marrying a man who thinks it's ok to leave your children with people who will smoke over them, not feed them properly, and teach them to swear at you?

Absolutely do not leave the kids with them. They've never had supervised contact, let alone had them overnight.

MollyButton · 29/12/2019 17:28

Sorry but you have a DP problem - and I would be thinking very carefully about if I was going to marry him.

He doesn't see any problem in his family looking after the children

Please think about that. He may seem fine in comparison, but is he really? Do you really have the same standards and expectations?

Nevermind - why aren't your DC going to your wedding?

GabriellaMontez · 29/12/2019 17:29

As others have said. If your dp is happy to leave your young children with these people you have a serious dp problem.

Aquilla · 29/12/2019 17:30

The only bit I would raise my eyebrows at is the smoking weed to be honest. Everything else is part of life's rich tapestry surely?

SilverySurfer · 29/12/2019 17:32

The in-laws sound unbelievably vile. If your DP agrees with you, what on earth would possess him to want them to look after the two most precious things in your lives? A childminder or experienced babysitter would be immeasurably better.

Let your sister care for them during the ceremony and then take them with you, lunch etc.