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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let me DPs family look after our kids

106 replies

An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 16:23

Me and DP getting married in a few weeks, only us & witnesses. Because of his family.

They smoke weed around the kids, have ago & are ridicule me for not giving them pop ( coke, Dr pepper etc) and chocolate because they're 2 and the other 9 months.
Like always drop comments like, "well when I get to look after you and your mums not about I'm gonna give you all that kinda stuff"...

They taught another family child to say things like "daddy is a dickhead" and to roll cigs.

I'm talking every single family member is like this.

My mum is my only family and she's away in Florida.
Iv suggested we get hire a baby sitter (obviously meetings prior) and DP is refusing and said we can just give the kids to his family.
This means over night at our house. However they're incapable of giving proper meals, so both children wouldn't be fed properly. E.g. just a packet of crisps and some toast.

I might sound like I'm over reacting but they're literally the family from hell.

aibu? Do I just give in? They've never had in supervised contact

OP posts:
ooooohbetty · 29/12/2019 17:32

I can't see the problem. Get married. Pick the children up. Go home. I'm cutting your OH a bit of slack here because if he's grown up in that environment he won't be as aghast as everyone else is at them spending a night with his family. I'm not saying they should though.

Original poster
An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 17:32

They're not going because we booked the town hall literally just for us and the two witnesses. No one else in the room, there was no sense in paying hundreds more for me 2year old & 9month old to be there for 10minuts

OP posts:
NotExactly9 · 29/12/2019 17:32

This is one of the most frustrating threads I’ve read in a while...

Bluerussian · 29/12/2019 17:32

In fairness, the op has said that the arrangement is now that her sister will watch the children before going to college, it's not going to be a long ceremony.

I've never heard of children not being allowed at the registrars though.

Agree with what everyone says about your future in laws.

2020BetterBeBetter · 29/12/2019 17:34

Your DP sounds like he fits in with the rest of his family just fine based on what he thinks is acceptable for his children.

Christmasnamechange19 · 29/12/2019 17:41

OP they will not turn your children away. One is literally a babe in arms. Children under 5 don't tend to count when it comes to these things.

Why does it need to be an overnight? You're not answering the questions.

So your sister has them during the ceremony,
and then what?

Your ceremony is at 0930, so then what will you do? Why do you need an overnight babysitter?

Original poster
An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 17:41

Iv been with him since I was 13, so at 13 what is family was like wasn't really a big issue. He's never left the kids with them and they've never had in supervised visits, I won't even go to the toilet while I'm there.

He doesn't want his family to look after them he's literally just saying he'd rather that when's random person off the internet

OP posts:
JoeysTurkey · 29/12/2019 17:42

I don't see the issue if your sister is looking after them while you get married? But if there's an issue I would ask the venue if the witnesses can hold one baby each. I know it's 2 people plus you and DP but they might allow you to bring in two little kids

I'd rather leave my kids tied up outside than with his family!

Original poster
An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 17:42

We wanted a baby sitter cause it's not exactly the nicest to just go home on our wedding night like nothings happened.

OP posts:
Dogno1 · 29/12/2019 17:43

So where do the kids needing to be overnight with a sitter come into it all? As for no kids allowed - the wedding packages for the couple plus two witnesses, are different to the ones with 10 or 20 people attending. But I wouldn't think they'd exclude the kids as say flower girls/page boys (or just plonked on a seat/in a buggy)? Surely the whole point of the witnesses is that it's two people over 18.

OddBoots · 29/12/2019 17:44

I would have a chat with your mum and see if she would be happy to have the children when she is back from holiday so you can come home on the day but have a delayed honeymoon night or two to look forward to.

HolyheadBound · 29/12/2019 17:44

They’re babies!! Do not leave them with these people.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/12/2019 17:45

Do either of the kids go to nursery? If so is there a member of staff there who sidelines as a babysitter, so it's not a stranger?

ohwheniknow · 29/12/2019 17:45

You weren't obliged to continue seeing him or have children with him.

Popfan · 29/12/2019 17:48

So your sister can have the children during the ceremony but not over night. You can still get married but are considering leaving your children with people you describe as 'vile' just because it 'isn't nice to just go home' after getting married. What is wrong with you both ???!!! Come on!! This is actually making me furious! Your poor kids.

Dogno1 · 29/12/2019 17:51

So book a family room at a hotel? You're moving your own goal posts here OP.

Cornish2 · 29/12/2019 17:52

So what happens if the marriage doesn't work out? he then has parental responsibility and can take and leave the kids with the family whenever he likes.
Think very carefully before you marry this guy.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/12/2019 17:53

@Cornish2 they've been together since they were 13. I'd say there's a very good chance he has PR too.

She loves him. She has children with him. She's marrying him.

She just needs to be more sensible about where and when, realistically.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/12/2019 17:58

I think you should leave them with the burglars from home alone. They’d be safer than your soon to be in laws. Delay the overnight honeymoon or delay the wedding.

GabriellaMontez · 29/12/2019 18:01

OMG! Just realised you mean overnight! When normally you won't even go to the toilet while you're there!

No are you insane?

HairyDogsOfThigh · 29/12/2019 18:01

OP, I don't understand why you say your dp is nothing like them and yet is happy to leave them there overnight. He either thinks their behaviour is ok (and is therefore happy for them to spend time there) or he doesn't think their behaviour is ok and wouldn't leave them there. Can you really not see this?

Dogno1 · 29/12/2019 18:07

So why can't you book a family room at a hotel? Is your DP the one saying 'it's not very nice to just go home', or are both of you? If your sister is looking after the kids during the ceremony then that's sorted and you'll get your wedding. As pp suggested you can arrange for your mum to look after the kids overnight when she's back from holiday, if you don't want to take the kids to a hotel.

Original poster
An0nym0us2011 · 29/12/2019 18:07

The kids wouldn't of gone to their house 🤦. All he said is he'd rather not leave them with a random baby sitter.

OP posts:
HannaYeah · 29/12/2019 18:07

It sounds like you two really need to work on building a network of people you trust.

Leaving them with his very dysfunctional family or a stranger are not actually the only choices you had. There’s always the choice to reschedule! Even if you lose some money, better than putting your babies at risk.

HideYourBabiesAndYourBeadwork · 29/12/2019 18:10

My DP wouldn't leave the kids with his family if there was no other choice and to him he'd rather leave them with his family then a stranger.

But there IS another option. Reschedule the wedding for when you do have secure, safe childcare from someone you trust.

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