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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected use of holiday home

445 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 11:17

Not quite Mexican House Thief - at least not yet! - but I'm trying no to get dragged into this and would welcome anyone's advice

Friend A has a holiday home in Florida and was persuaded to offer it to son of Friend B for a free fortnight's holiday with his girlfriend
Friend B's son (23) invited a load of mates to go instead, claiming his GF couldn't make it, but didn't tell A about this
Friend A - who's only just discovered this - has said no to the mates, some of whom are very dubious (a couple have convictions for affray)
Both B and her son insist flights to Orlando are all paid for, so it's now not fair to refuse them

As C I'm close to all of them, and though I'm trying to stay out of it I'm getting my ear thoroughly bent by everyone, expecting me to take sides. FWIW I believe B's son has been pretty deceitful over this and shouldn't expect to dictate who stays at someone else's home, but would be interested in the MN verdict

YABU = since flights are now paid for they should be allowed to go
YANBU = A should say no because she wasn't told those going had changed

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
FlaviaAlbia · 29/12/2019 12:15

I also can't understand why you don't want to take sides on this. The behaviour of B and her son is so rude and our of line. Are you so used to it you don't see it any more?

Wouldn't you be a bit pissed off if you were A and your friend was fence sitting instead of agreeing that your kindness was being taken advantage of?

Singlebutmarried · 29/12/2019 12:15

If they don’t want to cancel flights then for a small fee they could change them to a different destination.

If they do end up going I pity the people on the flight that have to sit near them for 8+ hours.

MzHz · 29/12/2019 12:16

Hell no to letting him use it

Tell him to look on Airbnb if they don’t want to lose their flights

He’s a very young cf. unless he’s dealt with very harshly now, he’ll only be encouraged to try this shit again.

Dishonesty should never pay, and to his own mother! Shocking

KnightandDay · 29/12/2019 12:16

Over 700 votes and still 100% Yanbu - if you were doubting yourself I think you now know the answer. Stand up for friend A, don't let B and son bully her into giving in.

Fr0g · 29/12/2019 12:17

I’d definitely be telling B that a shower of cheeky bastards!
I'd be letting A tell B that they’re a shower of cheeky bastards - and keeping well put of it!

Well - back up A if B whinges at you - but keep out of it as far as you are able.

Pinkyyy · 29/12/2019 12:18

His behaviour sounds learned from B.

Cornishclio · 29/12/2019 12:18

No the friend A should not have to put up with it because Friend Bs son has already paid for flights. They can book somewhere else to stay. They were being thoroughly deceitful by not telling Friend A it was going to be him and a load of rowdy mates rather than him and his girlfriend. I would not let my house for free out to a son of a friend and his mates. I don't like the term "persuaded" either. Did Friend B put pressure on Friend A to let the house for free? Does she normally do this for friends? Friend B and her son are CFs.

MzHz · 29/12/2019 12:18

Ahh.. not son of house owner. Friend B is an absolute twat, A should tell A to sort herself out, sort her cf son out and not bother to contact her again

This isn’t a friend!!

macaroniandpizza · 29/12/2019 12:22

A is within her rights completely to tell them to get lost

Laughterisbest · 29/12/2019 12:23

I don't see that it's fair to blame Friend B for her embarrassingly entitled son's behaviour

She's supporting his deceit so I do blame her as well as her son.

If I were friend A I'd be disappointed in both friend B and the OP.

BlouseAndSkirt · 29/12/2019 12:23

If you are getting your ear bent by B I think you should say what you think.

It isn’t taking sides’ , it is giving a truthful answer to a question asked. Speak for your own beliefs.

If A is pressing you you can then tell the truth: “I told B I thought it was unreasonable to swap one Gf for 5 lads and I wouldn’t want that in my house”.

That is then telling the factual truth rather than slagging B off behind her back.

“Staying out of it” isn’t always the good way.

needsahouseboy · 29/12/2019 12:24

Not only will they fail the ETSA requirement, you also need to get a police report from the police/court they were convicted in. Then they need to arrange for an interview at the embassy. This is not going to get done within 3 months.

elmosducks · 29/12/2019 12:24

Yikes. Poor A

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/12/2019 12:25

Puzzledandpissedoff
The convictions were in another EU country, and I suspect they're hoping they won't appear on the UK records to cause problems at immigration

Surely they will still be recorded?

If not and if they still insist on trying to bully A in to letting them go.
I would be reporting and getting A to report the group to immigration with details of the offenses.

Elphame · 29/12/2019 12:26

No way would I let them have the keys to my holiday cottage.

HairyFloppins · 29/12/2019 12:26

The ones with a conviction won't get an ESTA unless they lie. But I really wouldn't want to do that. A visa will take months, which will be unlikely anyway due to affray.

A should tell them to bugger off.

Jinglebellissimo · 29/12/2019 12:28

Even if B’s sons friends were lovely - there’s a huge difference between a couple and a group of blokes.

DownTownAbbey · 29/12/2019 12:30

I know it'll make you unpopular with B, but you're not doing her any favours enabling her to be an enabler. You risk falling out with both friends if they get annoyed that you won't agree with them so you may as well back A (the one in the right).

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 12:30

Well, that seems a pretty conclusive vote, and don't get me wrong I feel the same way myself - I'm simply trying to avoid WW3 breaking out, in the (probably vain) hope that B will come to see for herself that her DS has been very deceitful

I'll also add that I had a horrible suspicion this might happen and said the same to A when it was first "booked", but being a lovely lady she sees the best in everyone and just thought the DS/GF might have a lovely time on their own

Anyway I'm seeing B later so will try to mention diplomatically that this just isn't going to work. It'll probably cause ructions which I'd rather not be part of, but I can only hope a calm voice might help ...

OP posts:
MoaningMinniee · 29/12/2019 12:31

Someone's voted yabu!!!

fascicle · 29/12/2019 12:32

Puzzledandpissedoff
The convictions were in another EU country, and I suspect they're hoping they won't appear on the UK records to cause problems at immigration

So the convictions relate to a previous holiday, or working away from home? Very difficult to find any reason why friend A should let this go ahead. Just wondering if the flights have actually been booked, or whether that's a bluff to get friend's agreement. Given the convictions, very risky to book flights when ESTAs have not been granted.

HopeItComesWithBatteries · 29/12/2019 12:33

As a holiday home owner myself there is no way on God’s green earth I would allow this. I’d have been dubious from the first but under the “revised” arrangements it’s a hell no from me. I don’t generally allow most young people from my own family and friends to stay, and I actually like them! Sadly there’s just too much scope for things to go wrong/others to behave badly - and that’s without this lot’s delightful background. I also wouldn’t do it to my neighbours.

Hopefully they don’t know where the property is. If they did I’d be making sure I or someone I trusted was staying there during the relevant period.

Support your friend A, and distance yourself from B, she’s bad news.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 29/12/2019 12:33

If I were A under the described scenario, there is zero chance they'd be staying in my home. And I'd be very angry at B for supporting her son against me pushing for it.

Is B going to pay for the cleaning and damages if the house gets trashed as it likely will, especially now that A has said no and is bullied into changing that no to a yes. There will be motivation for them to take care of it; they know they'll not be staying there again.

I would tell B she needs to apologise to A and tell her 'disappointed' son that he'll have to stay somewhere else with his friends. Plenty of cheap accommodation in the region.

Suspect she won't and the friendship is over anyway, but I would definitely come down on the side of A here.

PhonicTheHedgehog · 29/12/2019 12:34

I’d leave the subject alone totally. It’s really nothing to do with you. It’s not your job to sort this out, however diplomatically. They’re not children.

NorthernLightsInWinter · 29/12/2019 12:34

Heck, you could even tip of the authorities in the states about the boys' convictions in other countries.

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