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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected use of holiday home

445 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 11:17

Not quite Mexican House Thief - at least not yet! - but I'm trying no to get dragged into this and would welcome anyone's advice

Friend A has a holiday home in Florida and was persuaded to offer it to son of Friend B for a free fortnight's holiday with his girlfriend
Friend B's son (23) invited a load of mates to go instead, claiming his GF couldn't make it, but didn't tell A about this
Friend A - who's only just discovered this - has said no to the mates, some of whom are very dubious (a couple have convictions for affray)
Both B and her son insist flights to Orlando are all paid for, so it's now not fair to refuse them

As C I'm close to all of them, and though I'm trying to stay out of it I'm getting my ear thoroughly bent by everyone, expecting me to take sides. FWIW I believe B's son has been pretty deceitful over this and shouldn't expect to dictate who stays at someone else's home, but would be interested in the MN verdict

YABU = since flights are now paid for they should be allowed to go
YANBU = A should say no because she wasn't told those going had changed

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Coyoacan · 31/12/2019 05:55

It just seems to ungrateful of Friend B to be annoyed at Friend A.

ElluesPichulobu · 31/12/2019 06:46

I wonder how the AIBU from the pov of one of DS's friends would go:

my mate's mum is friends with a woman who I have never met who owns a holiday home in Florida.

this woman agreed for my mate to go on holiday there with his girlfriend but his gf doesn't want to go.

myself and 3 other mates have concluded that if the holiday home is being made available then the owner doesn't care who is staying there so we have booked and paid for flights so that we can all have a lads' holiday there.

given that I have booked and paid for the flights aibu to think it is totally unfair for the house owner to say that she doesn't want to give me free accommodation?

Jokie · 31/12/2019 07:13

@ellues: I'd suspect it would be more like: Mate told us about awesome holiday and free place to stay so we booked flights... Turns out it's not his place at all and now we've got nowhere to stay.

DeathStare · 31/12/2019 07:41

I would absolutely let the son and his friends stay.... as long as the mother signed over her own home to be used as the deposit (assuming she is a home-owner). If she is so confident her son and his friends are to be trusted then this would be no problem to her. If she doesn't want to do that, then it is her who has denied her son and his friends the holiday not A. Grin

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 31/12/2019 07:43

unless you've seen your home (or that of a loved one) trashed in such a fashion it's hard to articulate how violating it is

I believe you, DeRigueurMortis, and while I'm so sorry about what your U&A went through, this appalling outcome's exactly what A was worried might happen

Toomuchtrouble4me A found out because one of the DS's friends was bragging about his March freebie and it got back to her

You really do have to wonder what goes through the minds of folk who behave like this; I get the sort of small accident which can happen to us all, but to thoroughly trash a place? Call me dense, but it just doesn't compute ...

OP posts:
wishihadagoodone · 31/12/2019 09:32

@DeRigueurMortis that's dreadfulSad

Such disrespect and bad manners.

When I was in my early 20's, a member of our group of friends parents had a holiday home in a nearby coastal town. It was truly beautiful and right by the beach. They usually let it out whenever they weren't using it. It never got much use during the winter months so we usually did a weekend in the winter/early spring.

They kindly let us use it. We had fun, partied, danced, drank, sung, played games etc.

But the morning we were due to leave (hangover or no hangover!!) we all got up and pitched in. Floors were hoovered and washed, rubbish was bagged up and taken with us, bathrooms were cleaned etc Nothing was ever broken or stolen.

It was only bloody right. Our mates folks had given us the use of the holiday house for the weekend for nothing. Plus, it was someone's property!!! We were allowed to use it several times after which I'm guessing wouldn't have happened if we'd just trashed the place.

The mind totally boggles at people who think they can wreck other people's property and get away with it.

Shesalittlemadam · 31/12/2019 11:06

DO NOT LET TTHEM GO! THEY WILL DESTROY THE HOUSE!!!!!

Lweji · 31/12/2019 11:26

@Shesalittlemadam
Who are you screaming at?

The OP doesn't own the house and the friend who does has already said no.
RTFT. (And that's not F for full)

SmileyGiraffe · 31/12/2019 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Lweji · 31/12/2019 11:34
Grin
lisasimpsonssaxophone · 31/12/2019 11:56

There’s something about holiday homes which just makes some fuckers lose their minds, isn’t there? They just think empty property=theirs for the taking, and can’t understand why they wouldn’t be allowed to stay there (or even live there) because ‘it’s not being used anyway’.

A relative of mine had a lovely holiday home which she eventually planned to (and did, in the end) retire to. She had a huge falling out with a friend who asked to stay there for a few weeks while she was going through a hard time, and then literally refused to move out for over TWO YEARS. Any time my relative broached the subject the cheeky cow would make a huge fuss about how lucky relative was to have this big empty house just sitting there, and what difference did it make to her if someone else was living there if she ‘wasn’t using it’ most of the time? And no, she didn’t pay any rent of course.

Thedeadwood · 31/12/2019 13:30

Yep, holiday homes really do bring out the cheekiest of cheeky fuckers.

maddening · 31/12/2019 13:39

Friend b should help her son arrange alternative accommodation!

MsTSwift · 31/12/2019 13:44

Absolutely Lisa! My lovely aunt and uncle had a house in south of France was lovely but basic. They let friends and family use it for payment of utilities only. Some work friends of ours pushed and pushed to use it we let them explained it was basic they went and moaned and complained!

cstaff · 31/12/2019 13:59

@MsTSwift
So when they complained, what exactly were they expecting - their money back - oh yeah they hadn't paid. Fucking hell.

FruitcakeOfHate · 31/12/2019 14:27

Yep, holiday homes really do bring out the cheekiest of cheeky fuckers.

This is why you never tell people you have one, even a caravan. Or you tell them you rent it out on the open market when you are not using it and it's booked solid, or that you don't rent it to anyone you know as you don't mix business with friendship. Some twats feel entitled to other peoples' money, time and property.

secretsciurusvulgaris · 31/12/2019 16:56

We own a flat in London and had this with relatives. I always just replied it’s not available. We rent it out now and still we were asked between tenants. Stopped eventually.

secretsciurusvulgaris · 31/12/2019 16:57

And no, there was no intention to pay; not even for the cleaner to come in after them.

Ihavenoidewhatsgoingon · 31/12/2019 17:03

I started renting out my old holiday home as I got fed up of people asking to borrow it - I could then say yes and send them the link to the booking website..... surprise surprise none of the CFs actually did book it...

SmuggyMcKnobson · 31/12/2019 17:03

We had a holiday house that we would let friends use occasionally for free. We had a rather eclectic, themed downstairs WC which included one of those little gadgets that does different catchphrases when you press the button (I guess you had to be there!)

It wasn't expensive, but it had been a very thoughtful and funny present (from somebody else who stayed at the house).

The next time we went it was nowhere to be found so we asked the last people to stay if they had seen it.

Yes they had, and apparently their child liked it so much they let them take it home with them Shock

Janl · 31/12/2019 17:25

We have a villa - run by an agent but the rules are no same sex groups - agents rules so that’s great !! They should find other accommodation !!

olivertwistwantsmore · 31/12/2019 19:14

I don't get an option to vote - Why not? Can I change this? Am on my phone.

Yanbu, btw!

pinkyredrose · 31/12/2019 19:29

SmuggyMcKnobson Shock did you get it back?

MsTSwift · 31/12/2019 19:36

That makes my blood boil Smuggy! Bloody cheek giving away your stuff because they are wet parents. Euurghh

SmuggyMcKnobson · 01/01/2020 10:22

@pinkyredrose - it was never returned, but a very kind mutual friend replaced it.

We did however have quite a fun dinner at theirs where OH and I walked around their house saying "That's a nice xxx, I'll 'ave that" in the style of Burglar Bill Xmas Grin