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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected use of holiday home

445 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 11:17

Not quite Mexican House Thief - at least not yet! - but I'm trying no to get dragged into this and would welcome anyone's advice

Friend A has a holiday home in Florida and was persuaded to offer it to son of Friend B for a free fortnight's holiday with his girlfriend
Friend B's son (23) invited a load of mates to go instead, claiming his GF couldn't make it, but didn't tell A about this
Friend A - who's only just discovered this - has said no to the mates, some of whom are very dubious (a couple have convictions for affray)
Both B and her son insist flights to Orlando are all paid for, so it's now not fair to refuse them

As C I'm close to all of them, and though I'm trying to stay out of it I'm getting my ear thoroughly bent by everyone, expecting me to take sides. FWIW I believe B's son has been pretty deceitful over this and shouldn't expect to dictate who stays at someone else's home, but would be interested in the MN verdict

YABU = since flights are now paid for they should be allowed to go
YANBU = A should say no because she wasn't told those going had changed

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Ellie56 · 29/12/2019 12:34

A is perfectly within her rights to say no to a group of lads going to her holiday home. This isn't what she originally agreed to and not what most people in their right minds would agree to either.

You should be backing A and telling B she and her son are being unreasonable. They can either change their flights or stay somewhere else. That's assuming the ones with convictions are even allowed into the US...

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 29/12/2019 12:35

How grim that the son hangs about with mates who have been convicted for affray.

It’s not about the convictions showing up on a database. You have to declare any arrests (not just convictions) when applying for an ESTA and lying is fraud, a very very serious criminal offence. Admitting to the convictions will result in automatic refusal of the ESTA and they will then need to be interviewed for a full visa, which may well also be denied. It’s fantasy to think they can just keep quiet and swan off to create mayhem in Florida.

Ellie56 · 29/12/2019 12:35

B must be a mumsnetter. 1% is now saying A is being unreasonable. Grin

Mix56 · 29/12/2019 12:36

She would never have accepted renting to a bunch of youths. The son has moved the goal posts
For what its worth on every occasion I was persuadedconned into letting young "couples"who turned out to be still unknown numbers of partying youths rent my property, it was carnage.
including, dented (double fridge) doors, large indoor palms missing, their pots broken & earth still on the floor
Cans & bottles found all over the property, including the pool, newspapers sunk in soggy mess in bottom of pool, & skimmers clocked with plastic bottles & paper.
Walls needed painting in stairwell & kitchen & salon, (assume they played beer pong) also had to wash the lamp shades,
Boy racers had also done wheelies in the newly laid gravel parking area. leaving holes & gravel everywhere.
Never mind the bathroom mess, the kitchen trashed, the whole thing needed to be ready for incoming guests the same day. I was still painting the walls as the incoming people arrived, fortunately 3 hours later than planned.
There's more, but you just don't rent to groups of youths.

Cordial11 · 29/12/2019 12:37

Can you tell us if the son was ever planning on paying bills? Even when it was him and GF?
That’s CF in itself let alone now all the mates!

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 29/12/2019 12:39

Does friend A own the house jointly with anyone else (husband, sibling etc) who can weigh in and support her in refusing to allow the new arrangement to go ahead?

Longblondeandblueeyes · 29/12/2019 12:40

Nah....no way would I let a group of lads use my holiday home.

They might not even get in to the USA if they have been arrested. They'd have to apply for a Visa beforehand.

BoneyBackJefferson · 29/12/2019 12:42

ArgumentativeAardvaark
How grim that the son hangs about with mates who have been convicted for affray.

I suspect that the son also has convictions for the same.

crosspelican · 29/12/2019 12:43

I love that the son is basically saying "My friends routinely get arrested for affray when they're on holiday. My friends are also coming to stay with me in your house for 2 weeks during which time we can't actually afford to go out, so we'll be staying in for the two weeks - drinking in your home! Hurray!! I will pick up the keys next week."

Your friend doesn't need to feel remotely wobbly about it. The son & his mother can make other arrangements. Send her a link for Airbnb if she is confused about this.

Remind her that being refused entry to a country because its on record that you're a train wreck on holiday is not a valid reason to claim on insurance, so the son might end up jetting off on his own anyway.

crosstalk · 29/12/2019 12:44

Unbelievable CFery. The 23 y o son has plenty of time to sort out other accommodation for March and if some of his friends can't get visas then it'll be even cheaper - and why they'd book their flights without checking is a question. To say nothing of B's son not checking with A.

How many friends is B's son taking? A can simply say the insurance won't cover a young male party and if B counters she'll pay for it to be upped, A can say she can't manage long distance repairs, or offset offence to neighbours etc.

wowfudge · 29/12/2019 12:45

Unbelievable that they think this is acceptable. If they've already booked flights then they can find alternative accommodation instead of totally taking the mickey out of someone's good nature.

rosesinmygarden · 29/12/2019 12:46

If they're not going until March and only bought the plane tickets recently then surely they can get at least a partial refund? Why would you book plane tickets before getting an ESTA and before confirming accommodation? Their l9okout I'd say.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 12:47

So the convictions relate to a previous holiday, or working away from home?

It was during a previous lads' holiday, and at least one of those convicted is part of the group hoping to go now. Not having any myself I genuinely don't know whether sentences given elsewhere appear on UK records or whether the US will check with other countries, but if they're not going it's all a bit moot anyway, as is the fact they know the address (the DS went there with his mum when he was small)

It’s really nothing to do with you. It’s not your job to sort this out, however diplomatically. They're not children

That's how I felt myself originally, but it's all causing such ructions that it's getting harder to say nothing - even though whatever I say will probably be considered wrong by B. However I'll just stay calm and try to do my best to pour oil on the waters

OP posts:
BugBasher · 29/12/2019 12:47

He's already shown how much respect he has for your friend & her home by completely changing the nature of the holiday without asking. It'd be a huge 'no' from me.

crosspelican · 29/12/2019 12:48

A can simply say the insurance won't cover a young male party

This comes up a lot as a proffered excuse on here. Just say no! This isn't like taking exception to a guest's other guest for some inexplicable reason. The guests literally have convictions for violent behaviour on holiday.

"Hi friend, I have changed my mind about lending [son] the flat in Florida because his friends sound appalling and I wouldn't have agreed to them staying there if they had even bothered asking. Which they didn't. They will have to find some other accommodation. Such a pity [son's girlfriend] couldn't make it. Oh well. Any plans for NYE?"

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 29/12/2019 12:48

Not having any myself I genuinely don't know whether sentences given elsewhere appear on UK records or whether the US will check with other countries

You seriously think they would lie on the ESTA form? That is a crime in itself.

KnightandDay · 29/12/2019 12:48

Mix56 that sounds horrendous! I hope toy got suitably recompensed.

cookiemonster5 · 29/12/2019 12:50

With affect convictions the friends won't get ESTA and would need to get proper visas which take months and cost a lot so they shouldn't even be allowed on the plane in the first place.

KnightandDay · 29/12/2019 12:51

you got suitably recompensed!

Fairenuff · 29/12/2019 12:52

They got those convictions for causing affray whilst on holiday in another country. That's reason alone to say no.

I would support my friend on this even if it meant losing the other one who, let's face it, isn't really a friend is she.

BlouseAndSkirt · 29/12/2019 12:53
  • I'm simply trying to avoid WW3 breaking out, in the (probably vain) hope that B will come to see for herself that her DS has been very deceitful

How? How exactly are you trying to prevent WW3?

It is not your job to referee, or back any ‘side’ but if B asks your opinion of her own POV if you have any integrity whatsoever you will tell her that there is a big difference between 1gf and a group of lads with known convictions and you think her Ds is unreasonable not to have checked this.

You don’t have to be ‘diplomatic’, just direct and straightforward and make it clear this is your own POV.

scarecrowhead · 29/12/2019 12:54

If they go and wreck the house then WW3 will break out anyway

maddiemookins16mum · 29/12/2019 12:55

The dodgy mates are unlikely to get an ESTA.

FruitcakeOfHate · 29/12/2019 12:57

B would no longer be my friend. In fact, if I were A, B would have been gone the second she asked to use my house, much less her son. Fuck that. Grow a spine and be a friend to A. Otherwise, you're just as much of a rat as B.

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 29/12/2019 12:58

Over a thousand votes and 100% YANBU! Pretty damn conclusive.