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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected use of holiday home

445 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 11:17

Not quite Mexican House Thief - at least not yet! - but I'm trying no to get dragged into this and would welcome anyone's advice

Friend A has a holiday home in Florida and was persuaded to offer it to son of Friend B for a free fortnight's holiday with his girlfriend
Friend B's son (23) invited a load of mates to go instead, claiming his GF couldn't make it, but didn't tell A about this
Friend A - who's only just discovered this - has said no to the mates, some of whom are very dubious (a couple have convictions for affray)
Both B and her son insist flights to Orlando are all paid for, so it's now not fair to refuse them

As C I'm close to all of them, and though I'm trying to stay out of it I'm getting my ear thoroughly bent by everyone, expecting me to take sides. FWIW I believe B's son has been pretty deceitful over this and shouldn't expect to dictate who stays at someone else's home, but would be interested in the MN verdict

YABU = since flights are now paid for they should be allowed to go
YANBU = A should say no because she wasn't told those going had changed

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
MulticolourMophead · 30/12/2019 18:18

Caroline Flack hasn't been found guilty of an offence at this stage, she's been charged and bailed to appear in court at a later date. Innocent until proven guilty, etc.

US ICE officials follow US law, not UK law. They can ignore the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act and the outcome of court cases.

But Caroline Flack hasn't been to court yet, so there's no outcome........

Meanwhile, I suspect the plan was always to have the DS and friends going, not the GF, precisely because most places don't allow single sex groups, especially male. They thought Friend A would be naive enough to let them go "because they've got the tickets".

It's a flat no from me, even if the plan apparently reverts back to DS and GF, because if the friends have got tickets (which isn't a given at this stage) then what will they be doing?

Iwanttobeagranny · 30/12/2019 18:21

They will be able to book a house fairly cheaply in Orlando, but might struggle as a group of young males.
I wonder how the ones with a criminal record have managed to get ESTA’s to enter the country or if they’ve forked out £600 for visas I really wouldn’t worry about the cost of getting other accommodation.

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/12/2019 18:25

Just to answer PPs who've suggested the DS might revert to "taking his girlfriend" and then visit with the lads anyway, it's not going to happen because A simply won't have him in the house after this

And no, Beastieboys, I'm not B ... before suggesting I'm being deceitful you might want to RTFT, or at least my own posts on it which explain that I have in fact backed A

OP posts:
fourandnomore · 30/12/2019 18:27

That’s shocking. How awful of B’s son - but also of B. Not A’s problem, love that on voting 99% agree too.

sonjadog · 30/12/2019 18:31

I am sure B will now pay for her son and his friends to find other accommodation. I wouldn't waste much time thinking about that.

FruitcakeOfHate · 30/12/2019 18:36

Just to answer PPs who've suggested the DS might revert to "taking his girlfriend" and then visit with the lads anyway, it's not going to happen because A simply won't have him in the house after this

Good for her! And I seriously hope she has informed her caretaker that he might show up anyway because this is exactly how entitled cunt CFers act. They truly think they are so special they deserve other peoples' things, time, money, etc for free. It was a huge cheek for B to ask to use the house for free at all, much less for her son or for 2 bloody weeks! That should have been the red flag right there because any half-way decent friend wouldn't have dreamed of it, much less trying to blag it for free.

She's not friend at all.

WonderfulAngel · 30/12/2019 18:36

good point made previously that he probably had this planned all along. 'was persuaded to offer it' in the first case. they have no respect for the homeowner so she should have no problem saying no

ton181 · 30/12/2019 18:36

No!

But if you wish to go ahead then a bond of 5k from each person paid in full before the holiday.

MissConductUS · 30/12/2019 18:37

Advise A to tell/warn NDN about this! just in case CFson turns up anyway

And if the mob shows up NDN should report them for breaking and entering to the local police agency, who are quite used to what can go on in holiday homes.

Florida is lovely in March. What a shame B's son had to ruin his chance to stay there for free.

SucculentCandle · 30/12/2019 18:37

I was arrested and charged for assault when I was a teenager so many many years ago. I’ve been to the states multiple times on a ESTA with no problems in fact I was there in October on a ESTA for a holiday

Same here, but a couple of years ago I was pulled aside and asked if I had ever been arrested etc. I told the truth because I knew that they already knew the answer before they asked the question. It's not worth lying.
I did get in, and have several times since.

WonderfulAngel · 30/12/2019 18:40

imagine if she lets that whole gang go and they do damage, I can imagine judge Judy saying it is the home owners fault and she was stupid to let them have the use of it! also, she needs to check the insurance situation; it sounds as if she was brow beaten in to letting the couple have it in the first place

FaveNumberIs2 · 30/12/2019 18:45

No one has the right to pester for a free holiday from a friend, especially for her son, but the holiday home owner has every right to say no.

The son sounds like a freeloading wanker. Mind, so does his mother.

Twinkled · 30/12/2019 18:55

Go somewhere else . What a cheek . Or take a hefty deposit as her insurance won't cover this £2000 plus . Also why should claim if damage occurs? I would say NO.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 30/12/2019 18:56

I’m wondering how all these criminals got clearance to travel to USA?! The ESTA visa process is quite stringent! If I were the owner of the home I would refuse to give them access! Your friends son is a CF and has massively taken the P!!

Size5s · 30/12/2019 18:59

If they still want to stay, they pay, or start looking for a new place to stay. Why risk the house, the contents, the friendship of the neighbours for a spoiled liar. If mum is sticking with her son, she can pay!

Mlou32 · 30/12/2019 19:03

Son is a sneaky little sod. His mother any better, condoning such sneaky and deceitful behaviour! If be telling them to F off. They can find another house to rent.

eddielizzard · 30/12/2019 19:10

Friend B knows exactly what her DS is like, but is caught in the cycle of enabling him, and is ashamed and embarrassed, hence defensive. You did the right thing. They put you in the middle, you were honest about what you thought. Nothing more you can do. Kindness of A no doubt will be punished by B. Hope this doesn't damage your friendship beyond repair.

MeridianB · 30/12/2019 19:10

OP, sorry if I’ve missed this but has B’s approach/response to this caused to reflect on whether she is likely to remain a close friend?

RatherBeFlying · 30/12/2019 19:15

No way. Based on the number of people, the lad dynamic, the obvious deceit and his attempt at emotional/ financial blackmail at this point, he's not someone I could trust with anything, let alone a holiday property.

Friend A consented to the use based on a specific young couple staying there, not the son and his mates. Had he asked her whether his mates could come along instead, she would have said no. I suspect he knew this and in any case, it was reasonable for him to have reconfirmed the change in guests before making any plans and booking flights.

The flights his mates booked are his problem, as is his flight. Bullying the owner into getting what he wants is disgraceful behaviour and Friend B should deal with it.

Iwant2move · 30/12/2019 19:23

My holiday homes are in gated communities and single sex groups are forbidden to prevent parties. It's becoming the norm.

ktp100 · 30/12/2019 19:25

Fair play to A for stsnding her ground. Do you think A & B's friendship will survive this, OP? I'm not sure I could forgive it easily.

HuggedTrees · 30/12/2019 19:30

Fuck no. A should never be asked or pressured to let her house for free. Anyone asking should offer going rate for rental. She has to pay bills and cleaning and everything else.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/12/2019 19:34

I’m wondering how all these criminals got clearance to travel to USA?! The ESTA visa process is quite stringent!

Because the ESTA visa waiver program isn’t quite stringent. It asks a bunch of questions and accepts your answers. There’s no way for them to check your answers unless you’ve come to the US authority’s attention in the past - and even then they don’t have much centralised stuff to check against.

Also, there is plenty of crime that’s allowed under the ESTA program, so even if they aren’t prepared to lie, many people with convictions would still get through it.

sueelleker · 30/12/2019 19:34

I haven't RTFT, but I do wonder if he even asked his GF to go; or did he plan to take his mates all along?

Original poster
Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/12/2019 19:35

Do you think A & B's friendship will survive this, OP?

It's not my place to influence that, but frankly I doubt it

A (who incidentally wants me to pass on her thanks to all the MN voters) is one of those very decent people who sees the best in everyone, until she's pushed too far - and pushed too far is exactly what she has been

OP posts: