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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected use of holiday home

445 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 11:17

Not quite Mexican House Thief - at least not yet! - but I'm trying no to get dragged into this and would welcome anyone's advice

Friend A has a holiday home in Florida and was persuaded to offer it to son of Friend B for a free fortnight's holiday with his girlfriend
Friend B's son (23) invited a load of mates to go instead, claiming his GF couldn't make it, but didn't tell A about this
Friend A - who's only just discovered this - has said no to the mates, some of whom are very dubious (a couple have convictions for affray)
Both B and her son insist flights to Orlando are all paid for, so it's now not fair to refuse them

As C I'm close to all of them, and though I'm trying to stay out of it I'm getting my ear thoroughly bent by everyone, expecting me to take sides. FWIW I believe B's son has been pretty deceitful over this and shouldn't expect to dictate who stays at someone else's home, but would be interested in the MN verdict

YABU = since flights are now paid for they should be allowed to go
YANBU = A should say no because she wasn't told those going had changed

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
mnahmnah · 30/12/2019 19:42

I have a sneaking suspicion that this bunch of lads won’t have even heard of an ESTA, never mind applied for one, so they won’t get there anyway!

WineGumsandDaisies · 30/12/2019 19:42

This. Absolutely agree. Please please tell me this isn’t going to ends up in some sort of ‘lads on tour’ thing that involves binge drinking, being an arse and general stupidness of the highest order. The son, and B tbh, are both CF’s and the relationship is doomed either way. Your friend should protect her home and tell them to shove it where the sun doesn’t shine.

piefacedClique · 30/12/2019 20:18

Oooo 1%! Maybe someone found the thread about them! 🤣🤣🤣

Unexpected use of holiday home
Clingingtothewreckage · 30/12/2019 20:44

I’m with Friend A.

I also don’t think those with affray convictions (which are serious offences) would be allowed in.

Cloglover · 30/12/2019 20:56

Good on friend A. But it's sad that her good nature has been taken advantage of. You are a good friend too. You had her back when you could easily have just stayed out of it.

Loopey007 · 30/12/2019 20:56

No way should they be allowed to take advantage he wasn’t given the place to take a load of mates

GabsAlot · 30/12/2019 20:59

Wow what cheeky fecks-they only came clan because they were found out and the mother is still defending him! She needs a reality check

Why lie and then defend it

Blatherskite · 30/12/2019 21:03

Who on earth is the 1% who thinks the op is BU!?!

A mis-click hopefully!

jade9390 · 30/12/2019 21:08

Would you want random unknown people staying at your house, when you are not there? That should answer your question

Merryweather80 · 30/12/2019 21:11

If a child of mine had tried to pull a stunt like this I’d be mortified, ashamed, embarrassed and very angry.
I can’t believe B is do naive about her son and what the ‘lads’ would be getting up to, she’s clearly not a good friend to A or yourself.
How can you raise a child with so little respect for other people and their property? Quite disgusting

deste · 30/12/2019 21:12

This happened to us. The place was left in a state and the next group going out complained about the state they left it. No matter what they say, it will be wrecked because they won’t care. I wouldn’t do it, even for a huge deposit.

AlexaAmbidextra · 30/12/2019 21:21

It never ceases to amaze me just how many mothers can see no wrong in their miscreant offspring. Bit like Violet Kray saying her sons were good boys really. 🙄

Cluckyandconfused · 30/12/2019 21:24

I know someone who lied on their tourist visa application to get into the USA. He had a couple of convictions for low level drug possession. It wasn’t checked at all and he sailed into the country to purchase some more affordably priced recreational drugs to enjoy on his trip.

Durgasarrow · 30/12/2019 21:49

There are plenty of cheap places to stay in Florida. Suck it up, buttercup.

Durgasarrow · 30/12/2019 21:50

This friendship is already unsalvageable if the mother thinks her son's plan is okay.

TigerJoy · 30/12/2019 22:32

I agree with everyone here and just want to say that A should make it clear to B that there are now other people staying in the property just in case...

Cornettoninja · 30/12/2019 23:16

That’s an impressive poll result!

DeRigueurMortis · 31/12/2019 00:00

My Uncle/Aunt owned a stunning holiday cottage in Cornwall (I say holiday cottage but in reality they bought it post retirement and spent 50% of their time there).

They were incredibly generous in letting my parents (DU's brother) and myself (plus DH and children) stay there on a few occasions for free. In return we always not only left the place spotless, but offered to do any odd jobs/maintenance whilst we were there by way of thanks (I painted a gate one stay and DH put in a new kitchen tap another - that sort of thing).

To be clear they didn't rent the place out when they weren't there because it was their home from home and didn't want strangers using it (and as such left a lot of their possessions there).

Two years ago, after being heavily pressured/pestered they allowed the daughter of a supposedly close friend to stay with her family for 4 nights.

Apparently the only time she could go was when DU/DA had planned to be there so as well as offering free accommodation they also sacrificed their time at the cottage.

I'm guessing you are all ahead of me here....it wasn't a family holiday but a hen do for the daughters best friend.

When DU/DA arrived the day after they had left they were distraught. The cottage was a state. Red wine stains on the carpet/soft furnishings. Filthy bathrooms/kitchen and broken mirror cabinet in the former. Curtains torn down in the lounge, the wooden floor in the hall/dining room ruined from stiletto heals, bedding stained with make up, DA's clothes had been used/tried on and smelled of smoke, the zip on a very expensive dress broken, fag ends tossed all over the patio etc. I could write several paragraphs about the damage (they sent my DF photos and we were really shocked, especially having been there and knowing how lovely the place was).

It took 5 days to clean up the mess and £££ to repair/replace the items damaged. Over a month before everything was back to rights.

The friend and her daughter refused to apologise or make any financial contribution to the damage.

DU/DA decided to sell soon after as they felt their home/possessions had been violated much like a burglary and staying there upset them afterwards as it reminded them about what had happened.

So no, A is NBU and I'm glad she is standing her ground because otherwise I think she can expect the same or worse than my DU/DA experienced Sad.

Pumpkintopf · 31/12/2019 01:19

Derigeurmortis that's awful. Your poor aunt and uncle.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 31/12/2019 01:23

My own son is 21 and he can use our holiday home (only south coast not Florida!) with his girlfriend but I would not allow him with a group of mates. They can still go but they need to book accommodation. How did friend A find out that it was mates and not gf?

CoolCarrie · 31/12/2019 01:24

That’s terrible Mortis, how could anyone have such a brass neck to not even pay towards cleaning up their mess, that is totally cf and sad for your aunt and uncle.

Pembsgirl · 31/12/2019 01:46

What's the expression? No good deed goes unpunished!!

I think A has had a lucky escape!

We have a holiday cottage, and in the early days, ended up with a group of 4 young men all under 21. When they arrived my husband was most concerned, but as we're out in the middle of nowhere I persuaded him that they were probably decent young lads here on a fishing trip or similar. Oh boy did I get that wrong!! They wrecked the place, I won't go into details as there is too much, but just the state of the garden with beer cans thrown all over, and the smell of dope, should give you an idea. We immediately put a stop to all groups of 4, as the marketing company told us we couldn't specify, no same sex groups!! Hence now, we only accept couples!

DeRigueurMortis · 31/12/2019 02:26

Yes it was awful for them Sad

They'd planned on living there full time so apart from the expense/stress it also robbed them of a carefully planned future.

I appreciate it sounds dramatic but unless you've seen your home (or that of a loved one) trashed in such a fashion it's hard to articulate how violating it is.

cuparfull · 31/12/2019 03:56

No way should they be allowed to use the holiday home after deceiving the owner. The question of asking permission should have arisen before the" mates" booked their flights.
They should find another place to stay.

cstaff · 31/12/2019 04:29

@DeRigueurMortis
Oh my God. Your poor aunt and uncle. That must have been so heart breaking for them. That was the same as their home being destroyed. And the hen not taking any responsibility. Some people really do have a real brace neck.