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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unexpected use of holiday home

445 replies

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/12/2019 11:17

Not quite Mexican House Thief - at least not yet! - but I'm trying no to get dragged into this and would welcome anyone's advice

Friend A has a holiday home in Florida and was persuaded to offer it to son of Friend B for a free fortnight's holiday with his girlfriend
Friend B's son (23) invited a load of mates to go instead, claiming his GF couldn't make it, but didn't tell A about this
Friend A - who's only just discovered this - has said no to the mates, some of whom are very dubious (a couple have convictions for affray)
Both B and her son insist flights to Orlando are all paid for, so it's now not fair to refuse them

As C I'm close to all of them, and though I'm trying to stay out of it I'm getting my ear thoroughly bent by everyone, expecting me to take sides. FWIW I believe B's son has been pretty deceitful over this and shouldn't expect to dictate who stays at someone else's home, but would be interested in the MN verdict

YABU = since flights are now paid for they should be allowed to go
YANBU = A should say no because she wasn't told those going had changed

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Leflic · 30/12/2019 00:12

On the ETSA thing I see Caroline Flack is off to LA after being released on bail. So I guess you can be let in.

I think you are right to make a stand Op. Friend A needs support in this and is clearly right. Friend B is a dick.

velocitykate · 30/12/2019 00:17

Just adding my vote to the >3000 100% YANBU vote.

I hope that I would never be B, because I hope I wouldn't bring any of my children to behave like that, but if I were, I would be siding with A and telling my offspring that they have no one to blame but themselves.

velocitykate · 30/12/2019 00:19

That should say "bring up any of my children to behave like that"

katewhinesalot · 30/12/2019 00:20

How on earth do the celebs get away with things ordinary mortals can't?

wowfudge · 30/12/2019 00:20

Caroline Flack hasn't been found guilty of an offence at this stage, she's been charged and bailed to appear in court at a later date. Innocent until proven guilty, etc.

ConfessionsOfTeenageDramaQueen · 30/12/2019 00:38

Good for your for sticking up for your friend - I've been in situations where someone in a friendship ground is behaving really unreasonably (very different details though) and the others haven't stuck up for me even though it's clear the other person is being unreasonable and it's very hurtful.

Also - 100% YANBU is literally unheard of ! You may have broken the internet (or at least Mumsnet)

MyKingdomForBrie · 30/12/2019 00:51

Well done you for sticking your head above the parapet!

blubelle7 · 30/12/2019 01:10

Mum of 3 boys her and no way would I risk my 23 year old DS ruining my friendship with someone over a holiday. Young boys in a group only spell trouble tbh. Noone ever died from not being able to go on holiday. I would be livid if DS had lied to friend about having GF over and then bringing mates. And I would never impose myself without covering my costs of staying

ProfessorSlocombe · 30/12/2019 10:31

Caroline Flack hasn't been found guilty of an offence at this stage, she's been charged and bailed to appear in court at a later date. Innocent until proven guilty, etc.

US ICE officials follow US law, not UK law. They can ignore the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act and the outcome of court cases.

There are also specialist immigration lawyers who - for a fee - will deal with the authorities on your behalf. It's almost as if rich people have an advantage.

YouretheChristmasCarcass · 30/12/2019 17:28

Caroline Flack hasn't been found guilty of an offence at this stage, she's been charged and bailed to appear in court at a later date. Innocent until proven guilty, etc.

Nah, money talks the rest walks, especially these days. There are 'ways' around USCICS if you have enough money and a few 'contacts'.

Sittingonthedockofthebay · 30/12/2019 17:30

Friend B and offspring are in the wrong. Friend A should tell them to sod off. You should wholeheartedly support her.

TakeMeToKernow · 30/12/2019 17:33

A 100% vote! Wow!

darthbreakz · 30/12/2019 17:51

If they've been this inconsiderate about booking the holiday and not asking if the change in occupancy was OK, are they likely to be considerate about looking after the house?

5 or 6 kids could destroy her house in a week.

Being generous to the CF family, I can understand that people not in the position of having a home in another country might not be keyed in to the concerns that someone in that position might have.

But they are being unreasonable and treating their use of the house as a right, not a priviledge. The owner of the house should stand her ground.

Itsalready · 30/12/2019 17:52

Not sure if this has been suggested so apologies if it has but could your friend say that her house insurance in Florida will not cover for all male/female groups as it's a "family home "? Obviously, they are completely in the wrong to have booked tickets without being honest (if in fact they have been booked) but it might somehow salvage the friendship if there's an official reason??

Choccylips · 30/12/2019 17:53

This all seems very underhand I wonder if the girlfriend was ever supposed to be going. But to take a group of lads maybe if it had been one what a nerve, Its unfortunate that they have lost all credibility.

TeaForTara · 30/12/2019 17:53

I wouldn't be concerned about salvaging the friendship or trying not to upset B. Clearly B doesn't care about upsetting A.

Flibbitygibbit · 30/12/2019 17:59

Those with convictions won't get a visa easily 🤷‍♀️

DowntownAbby · 30/12/2019 17:59

If I was A I would make no bones about telling B how utterly disgusted I was with being deceived.

I think that A is probably a very nice easy going person and people B and her family take advantage and have a way of making A have to come up with excuses when in reality B should be hanging their head in shame.

A should be very much taking the high ground here and making sure B is the one having to excuse their own behaviour.

VerbenaGirl · 30/12/2019 17:59

No way. I’d be supporting Friend A all the way on this one and making that clear to Friend B that she is putting A in a really unacceptable position.

husbandnet · 30/12/2019 18:00

We have a holiday home in the south of France and have seen this tried on by friends of friends kids. From my side of the fence it’s totally taking the piss. They’re forgetting it’s someone’s home. Our mantra is it’s a home not a hotel. And not a Party house. Friends are welcome with or without us. But not friends of friends. And kids can come when with their family. But no second party invites. If the parents of the son are in any way decent, they’ll u sweat and and tell him to take a hike. Problem is now if he reverts to previous arrangement, girlfriend can “now make it” and they don’t know if he’s gonna still take the piss. It’s a flat no.

Beastieboys · 30/12/2019 18:01

Hmm mm...... Are you person B you seem to be reluctant to do whats right and back person A and know an awful alot as a bystander about the sons plans

Grannyjo1957 · 30/12/2019 18:02

I've never responded to a post before but this one has got me. Friend A is absolutely right in refusing the changes. Friend B is being unreasonable.

LH1987 · 30/12/2019 18:07

God, Mom and Son B are awful. I also feel sorry for the friends, if they have wasted money and weren't to know that the owner wasn't aware they were coming.

ToftyAC · 30/12/2019 18:14

Friend Bs son is, indeed, a deceitful little shit and I’d say no too.

Figamol · 30/12/2019 18:15

I think this could be salvaged with some good communication and a decent deposit.

That said - not a chance would I let a group of lads loose near my holiday home!!