Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regifted perfume received for Xmas, what should I do?

305 replies

scubadive · 29/12/2019 10:24

Hi all, I have a friend that I’ve known since school, friends for 40 years. We exchange birthday and Xmas presents although don’t see each other so much now. She lives in my home town, I live 200 mikes away.
For her birthday in August I bought her some perfume, spent a bit more than normal and bought duty free coming back from holiday. Tried lots of perfumes, had assistant opening a number of new testers, choose one I thought was her. Not really me, she wears much stronger perfume than me.

Came to Xmas day, I’m divorced so no partner presents and looking forward to opening 3 presents from friends. I was so shocked to unwrap the perfume I had sent her for her birthday in August.

AIBU to thank her for my returned gift?

For context, they are VERY well off. I’m gutted she thought so little of my chosen present and also that she couldn’t just give it to charity rather than regift it. How could she not remember that I sent her this a few months ago, has she done it on purpose?

I sent her a really nice bracelet that I could ill afford. Sad

OP posts:
BonfireStarter · 29/12/2019 18:13

I'm also a single parent OP. I get one present each christmas, a small gift from my dcs.

I love it, I find choosing presents for other adults a real faff and really cant be bothered Blush so that may be why I dont buy or receive anything Grin I'm either at work or looking after my kids, why not just knock the gift giving on the head now?

The money you save you can use to buy yourself something youd like in the sales, that's what I do anyway Smile

Jemima89 · 29/12/2019 18:17

I wouldn't buy any more gifts for her if she can't put thought into gifts for you. I would see it as a relief to not have to buy presents for friends I hardly see.

Lippy1234 · 29/12/2019 18:26

I don’t think it’s a regift, it’s too soon since your friend received the gift, I would have thought people regift to someone other than the person who gave them the gift.
If it was me I’d just do small gifts from now on, perhaps a £10 gift.

QuiteForgetful · 29/12/2019 19:49

She must have just forgot you gave it or the same stuff, to her. If you still have the recite, return it.

KarmaStar · 29/12/2019 19:56

Is nicely ask for the gift receipt and explain the perfume doesn't smell as nice as it does on her and you'd like to exchange it.

Original poster
scubadive · 29/12/2019 21:36

@TatianaLarina

So she either gives it to someone else who also might not like it, or she gives it back to you, whom one can reasonably infer likes it, as you chose it.

Why are the only options for gifts you don't like to re-gift to someone else or back to the buyer? I don't understand this , especially for someone with a lot of money. Isn't the whole point of giving someone a present to actually choose a present they would like, not just re-gift what you have in the cupboard.

Why not give things you don't want to charity shops or the school/church fair etc, this is what I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
scubadive · 29/12/2019 21:42

@GoFiguire

That's nice, I sound like hard work because I am upset someone has returned a birthday gift 5 months later wrapped in Xmas paper.

@Lippy1234 as others have said, she has obviously forgotten who sent her it, maybe she has a drawer full of unwanted gifts and just picks one out....

OP posts:
daisypond · 29/12/2019 21:46

Buying perfume and jewellery - and a bracelet at that - who wears bracelets nowadays? - is way over the top and off-kilter for gifts. Both are very personal, intimate. You don’t buy those for friends - unless you know them very well. You definitely don’t buy some random perfume fir anyone ever.

TatianaLarina · 29/12/2019 21:46

I didn’t say they were the only options. Personally I’d sell it on eBay.

especially for someone with a lot of money

You just keep going on about the money. Despite what you say you clearly resent the fact she has money, and this regifting umbrage is just about her not spending money on you.

GoFiguire · 29/12/2019 21:55

Sorry, wrong thread, love.

GoFiguire · 29/12/2019 21:57

Or is it?

Do do do do do do do do

GoFiguire · 29/12/2019 21:57

Twilight Zone

Baconking · 29/12/2019 21:58

So you would give a £50+ bottle of perfume to a charity shop and then go out and spend £50+ on someone rather than regift OP?
Money to burn...

HeckyPeck · 29/12/2019 21:59

And also anyone who was so stuck for ideas who would buy the very same gift would be sure to say what they had done, otherwise it would look like a regift.

I wouldn’t say that because I wouldn’t expect my friend to think the worst of me.

HeckyPeck · 29/12/2019 22:01

she has obviously forgotten who sent her it, maybe she has a drawer full of unwanted gifts and just picks one out....

I really don’t think that at all.

The most likely scenario from a good friend who is usually kind is that they thought you liked it and bought you the same size.

amijustparanoidorjuststoned · 29/12/2019 22:06

Why is everybody focussing on the OP being unreasonable? The point here is that her friend has been very rude and obviously regifted her gift back to the OP, probably not remembering who sent it to her.

OP, if this woman is truly a good friend I would send her a text/call her and have a proper conversation. It wouldn't hurt to ask, there could well have been a misunderstanding. Hope it all goes well x

Baconking · 29/12/2019 22:10

It's not obviously a regift at all that's why!

cosima1 · 29/12/2019 22:14

OP, there are some daft responses in here, so take no notice.
Of course you would be shocked if your gift was given back to you. It’s the thoughtlessness of it - the fact that she hasn’t registered your gift in the first place.
The thing is, anyone can make a mistake. Had she ever been like this before? You’ve known her a long time and this is just one incident. In a way, it would be quite funny, if you weren’t so hurt by it.
I think this might be one if those situations where she has a sudden dream or realisation about what she’s done in the near future. I bet she’ll be absolutely mortified.
At least you’re on the right side of the situation. I would say nothing because what’s the point?

kingkuta · 29/12/2019 22:15

Buying perfume and jewellery - and a bracelet at that - who wears bracelets nowadays? - is way over the top and off-kilter for gifts. Both are very personal, intimate. You don’t buy those for friends - unless you know them very well. You definitely don’t buy some random perfume fir anyone ever

This is such bullshit. I've received perfume as a gift a number of times and think it's a lovely gift. I've been lucky in that I've liked them all but if not I'd just pass on or sell on ebay. Sometimes presents miss the mark a bit, no big deal. Same with jewellery, pretty standard gift between friends. And of course people still wear bracelets FFS

I think it's probably likely she thinks you like the perfume so bought one for you OP. It's too soon after you bought it for her for her to have forgotten.

paranoidmum2 · 29/12/2019 22:24

I'm glad you've decided to stop buying for her, OP. Don't spend your hard earned money and time buying gifts for someone who doesn't give a shit about them.

How are you going to approach this?

Chocmallows · 29/12/2019 22:26

Sometimes people slip up, perhaps she thought someone else had bought her the perfume and liked it so bought one for you too.

Years ago my cousin randomly didn't give my young DD a birthday present, so a few months later I didn't give her son a present. We hardly see each other, but she let me know I had forgotten. I said I thought she had stopped and she was very apologetic and we did from then on.

These things happen. Regift or sell the perfume and carry on like normal.

Barbararara · 29/12/2019 22:26

I’ve come close to doing something similar. I’ve been drawn to a certain item that put a particular person in mind and nearly bought the item for them before realising that they had given it to me before or I’d seen them wearing that exact thing.

It’s the kind of brain malfunction that happens when I’m mentally overloaded or seriously sleep deprived.

After 40 years and 200 miles apart, I would accept any gift as a token of affection and not read too much into it.

paranoidmum2 · 29/12/2019 22:28

This woman has a history of re-gifting, I bet she has forgotten OP gave her the perfume and has re-gifted it.

And OP, rich people are often much more stingy than poor people - that's part of how they get and stay rich! Grin

paranoidmum2 · 29/12/2019 22:30

re-gift or sell the perfume and carry on like normal

I disagree, OP can't afford to carry on like normal, buying presents she can't afford for a stingy woman with expensive tastes!

TatianaLarina · 29/12/2019 22:42

Absolutely nothing wrong with regifting. I’ve just given my cleaner a v expensive silk scarf that that really wasn’t me - she was thrilled.

I have a drawer of stuff that I’ve been given that I won’t use to give to other people who might appreciate it. If they don’t like it they’re welcome to regift it to someone else.