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Original poster

Man in ladies toilets

140 replies

Beansprout30 · 28/12/2019 21:15

Twice now I have been in the ladies toilets and there has been a male in there. First time I walked in with my three year old daughter and there was a guy washing his hands just leaving. I just ignored him and carried on but felt very uncomfortable. Second time was yesterday, came out of the cubicle and a man and his female partner, plus young child (not a newborn baby) were changing child’s nappy. At the time I thought what the heck, mum obviously needs a hand, but now I think why didn’t they just use the single disabled/baby change toilet. Why did he need to come into the ladies?
Is this becoming normal?! And aibu to ask how you would have reacted to males being in the ladies public toilets?

OP posts:
Timmythatyou · 29/12/2019 10:18

Then parrotonmyshoulder - what was your point??

parrotonmyshoulder · 29/12/2019 10:23

Just to add to the conversation. Not a point really, just found it interesting.

Lionsleepstonight · 29/12/2019 10:29

I did come across this in a London hotel, I asked him to leave, he wouldn't ( he was just hanging around the sinks) so I got a member of staff who was not impressed and literally chased him out.

nobodyimportant · 29/12/2019 10:52

When I was at university (more years ago than I care to remember) in the accommodation block there were showers and there were toilets that were just shared by everybody. It felt a bit weird peeing in a cubicle with a bloke in the one next door, just because it wasn't what I was used to, but it never once crossed my mind to feel unsafe.

I haven't ever noticed a man in women's toilets though.

Rezie · 29/12/2019 11:05

Unless there is a huge queue it's easy to accidentally go into the wrong bathroom. I've been to several restaurants where I cannot tell from the abstract art what gender it is suppose to be. Or maybe the other was full or unusable and the other one was empty and therefore they did a quick visit. As for the family, maybe the toddler had something that required 2 parents to make less of a fuss and the single toilet outside was taken.

I'm all for using designated gender toilets but I don't see it as a big deal if someone goes to the 'wrong' one for some reason.

emilybrontescorsett · 29/12/2019 11:09

But how did you know the 6" 4 penis endowed size 11 feet, hairy person who doesn't have a vagina, is a man?

goodluckdontdie · 29/12/2019 11:10

But unfortunately becoming more common

Is it?

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 29/12/2019 11:24

A similar thing happened to me the other day

Single cubicle marked female/disabled/babychange

Mens had a cubicle and a number of urinals.

The first time i waited for dd to finish and watched 15ish men walk in and out of the gents in the time it took her (shes slow but not that slow)

On the way back i was third in a queue of women and a man walked out...the first women just nipped in and me and the second womenwere like Shock

And then i said...is he taking the piss and we had a bit of a laugh and a joke

I wish id been slightly less shocked...then i would have said something, god knows what!!!

Cantdoleft · 29/12/2019 11:29

This happens in reverse fairly regularly on nights out, you find women using the gents.

I assume it’s because they don’t want to queue in the ladies. Theoretically more of an issue than men using the women’s toilets as men are using the urinals so have their bits out.

Can’t say it’s ever bothered me or appeared to bother any of the other men to be honest.

Have had the same in the local M&S in the middle of the day when the ladies had a queue out of the door

Bluebutterfly90 · 29/12/2019 11:30

A man walked into the ladies with his son at a public loo when I was a teenager, and snapped at me for being in "the mens".
Luckily teenage me was a bit more gobby and told him he was in the wrong bloody bathroom, which he argued, so I marched back to the entrance and showed him the LADIES sign. He left after that with his son (of course without apology, the butthole).

Nothing like that has happened since but that was over 10 years ago and I still remember it quite clearly so I think I would be alarmed if I ran into a man in the bathroom again.
I know some people dont mind mixed bathrooms but I would mind.

whatnow40 · 29/12/2019 11:48

10 yrs ago I took my brother in to the ladies loos at a Wetherspoons pub. My DN was 3 at the time and they'd just travelled 5 hrs on a train. DN didn't want to wear a nappy but DB had been concerned about being a single dad on a train, luggage, child wrangling etc so put the pull up pants on for the journey. There was no baby change facilities in the pub at all.

The ladies loo had a large sofa and seating area with mirrors, separate to the cubicles and wash basins, I took them both in and sat with them. DN didn't see me often enough to be happy to go with me alone. Every women that saw us was positive, smiled, comments how cute DN was and some were shocked there were no change facilities.

If this happened now, I don't know what I'd do. For certain, I would not be suggesting DB go in the ladies. I think it wasn't a problem then, because there was not such an issue with sex segregated spaces being lost or given over to people who have a penis.

donquixotedelamancha · 29/12/2019 11:52

Can’t say it’s ever bothered me or appeared to bother any of the other men to be honest.

It bothers me. Male culture is such that we are not 'supposed' to be bothered by weaknesses like a desire for privacy, so I suspect many are discomforted but would not say so.

Even if no men were bothered, the situation for women us utterly different. The relative risk posed by men alone with vulnerable women is enormously greater than the reverse.

Why on earth do single sex toilets exist if no-one is bothered and sharing is fine?

ginghamstarfish · 29/12/2019 11:54

As we read in the maternity ward horror story threads, there seem to be some pathetic women who can't do anything without their partner by their side at all times, and think their preference trumps all the other women's needs and rights. If it's just a man alone then he's a perv or a twat.

newlifenewme2020 · 29/12/2019 11:57

I once got a verbal warning at work because when the big man with a skin head in biker leathers with tattoos on his face came into our office I said “yes sir how can I help”
Apparently if I had noticed the pink finger nails I would have realised he identified as a women!!!!
This is 100% true by the way- I left soon afterwards not for that reason alone but for many

Timmythatyou · 29/12/2019 12:05

The reverse has happened though, I have frequently on nights out used the gents because of queues etc. when lots of other women were... sometimes the provision for women is disgraceful...

IM0GEN · 29/12/2019 12:12

I have a very low opinion of men who use a space that they know is supposed to be female only. It shows that they don’t give a shit about how women feel and that’s not the mark of a decent man

This.

Natsku · 29/12/2019 13:02

I've never seen it yet but if I did, I hope I would challenge them but probably I would lack the courage. Or if I were with DD just passive-aggressively say to her, loud enough for the man to hear, that that man must be confused because he's come into the wrong loo.

Esspee · 29/12/2019 13:07

Seems like he was there for a reason, not perving so it wouldn't bother me. But then I occasionally identify as a man if there is a queue for the ladies.Crown Grin

CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 29/12/2019 13:11

It would make me pause for a minute and think how weird but I wouldn't be bothered enough to say anything. If it's a toilet free for all does that mean I can as a woman happily use the blokes on a night out which normally has no queue Grin

nowyoulistenheretaeme · 29/12/2019 13:20

In universities, soon to be everywhere. Apparently it’s because your loo at home is gender neutral (mixed sex) so what’s the big deal...?

Yes my bathroom at home is gender neutral. But unless I’ve asked anyone in there it is a sole occupant space.

Universities/shops/etc trying to justify it with that example is just a bloody nonsense.

nowyoulistenheretaeme · 29/12/2019 13:22

And absolutely what @T0tallyFuckedUpFamily said.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 29/12/2019 13:26

I said earlier I have a very low opinion of men who use a space that they know is supposed to be female only. It shows that they don’t give a shit about how women feel and that’s not the mark of a decent man

I would have the same opinion of women that enter men’s spaces. My oldest ‘looks’ neurotypical, but because of his childhood before he came to me and because of his ADD/Aspergers, he would find females in a space that he didn’t expect them, extremely upsetting. You might not immediately be aware of it as he buries his feelings until he comes home, but it would affect his mental health and behaviour.

We can’t ask for our female spaces to be kept make free, then cheer on the women that go into male spaces. We may not make the men feel unsafe, in the same way that men in female spaces can frighten some women, bug they’re still entitled to the dignity and privacy of a Male only space.

As for those saying they don’t have a problem with males in female spaces, you don’t have the right to give away my rights. The right to welcome men into female spaces stops with the first woman that doesn’t like it. Since so many women have shown on here, females are frightened of speaking out, that means keep ALL makes out of female spaces, no matter what their excuses are.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 29/12/2019 13:28

Excuse all my spelling mistakes. I’ve been up half the night with my youngest. 😑 💤

Rosebel · 29/12/2019 13:52

Never seen it but wouldn't care if I did. He's not going to be in the cubicle with you so don't have an issue.
Perhaps he was desperate and the men's were out of order. I have also seen women use the man's toilet if there's a quee. Should men also be outraged that their personal space has been invaded?

Cantdoleft · 29/12/2019 13:52

If it's a toilet free for all does that mean I can as a woman happily use the blokes on a night out which normally has no queue

Yes. As I posted earlier and as a couple of women have now confirmed on here that they do it, this is a fairly regular occurrence and to my mind is a much greater invasion of privacy as women are happily walking into an area where men are standing at urinals.

It’s not unknown for said drunk women to do a “willy check” or similar and look over men’s shoulders and pass comment on their appendage