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Original poster

Man in ladies toilets

140 replies

Beansprout30 · 28/12/2019 21:15

Twice now I have been in the ladies toilets and there has been a male in there. First time I walked in with my three year old daughter and there was a guy washing his hands just leaving. I just ignored him and carried on but felt very uncomfortable. Second time was yesterday, came out of the cubicle and a man and his female partner, plus young child (not a newborn baby) were changing child’s nappy. At the time I thought what the heck, mum obviously needs a hand, but now I think why didn’t they just use the single disabled/baby change toilet. Why did he need to come into the ladies?
Is this becoming normal?! And aibu to ask how you would have reacted to males being in the ladies public toilets?

OP posts:
NotherOp · 29/12/2019 06:27

@Hello - interesting to know you’ve seen the family toilets too - I’ve never seen one in Qld, even at our Westfields!

Prevegen4U · 29/12/2019 06:32

Here in the U.S our public restrooms (toilets) have big gaps around the stall doors and anyone can watch you on the toilet if they have a mind to. I plan on screaming my head off and calling 911 if I see or hear a man outside my stall door.

endofthelinefinally · 29/12/2019 06:37

A transman is a female bodied person with XX chromosomes who self identifies as male.
A transwoman is a male bodied person with XY chromosomes who self identifies as female.
It is important to get the terminology right in order to have any sort of conversation.

Lowhum · 29/12/2019 07:02

I would feel uncomfortable too. A man was in the female toilets in my local Ikea not so long ago when I was taking my DD in with me. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that her space is up for sharing or that she didn’t really have a female only space in the first place.

AuntieRae · 29/12/2019 07:03

This happened to my niece (23) recently at the National Gallery in Edinburgh. She went to the ladies and a man came in after her. I asked if it might have been a cleaner but she said definitely not. She is a pretty confident young woman but was scared to challenge the person so just left. I was so angry that I emailed the Gallery to ask about their policy on single-sex toilets and they were very responsive - they don't have mixed sex facilities.
What makes me most angry is that we are now worried about challenging people because we might be accused of bigotry. If I had been in that situation I would have probably done the same.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/12/2019 07:04

Everyone saying "oh the mom shouldn't need help. I never did."
Maybe she has PND or anxiety. Maybe it's the first time he managed to get her and baby out and going to the ladies toilets make sense because she won't need to worry about where she's going when she goes on her own.
That one wouldn't bother me.

The random man in the first instance is annoying. Hopefully just a simple case of walking into the wrong room.

YouJustDoYou · 29/12/2019 07:05

Penis-havers are now allowed in all female public spaces because you mustn't assume gender, only assume that they have decided to be in there and therefore are entitled to be there. If you question it you are bigoted, plus assumed their gender (comments about penis havers not presenting as women are deleted and are not permitted so saying you think they were men is apparently not acceptable). I had a comment deleted innocently saying such about how people present and was messaged about the three strike policy, and that was a strike so...unless you want to be banned, best nobody discuss this at all. Just let them do what they want, never question how they present, never speak up.

LongLiveThePenis · 29/12/2019 07:16

Our rights are gone.

JamieFrasersSassenach · 29/12/2019 07:17

This would completely freak me out - I was attacked and molested by a man in the ladies toilet in our village hall when I was 8 years old. He had been in a cubicle and came out just after I had washed my hands and dragged me into the other cubicle. That was 42 years ago and I still feel panicky in a public ladies loo if it appears empty when I go into it.
It's fair to say that it had a huge impact on my life - just reading the OP has made me feel very uneasy indeed.
I don't know how I would react were I to see a man in a female toilets, but it is a terrifying thought to me.

Ozgirl75 · 29/12/2019 07:25

I’m in Sydney - I must say I had assumed nearly everywhere had family rooms now. It’s more uncommon for me to NOT find a family facility, even our local pool has one.

Ozgirl75 · 29/12/2019 07:31

Hello fellow Australians by the way Smile. Warm isn’t it?

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/12/2019 07:34

GiveHerHell
Thank the mum needed to go into a baby changing facility or the MENS. Men cannot and should not invade the ladies. We are the weaker sex.

rwalker · 29/12/2019 07:40

Women have felt it's acceptable to go into mens toilet for years. Even though the big difference in the mens there urinals and they are exposed it's deemed ok .

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 29/12/2019 07:40

Well, as has been said, men who self-ID as women are now allowed by many places to access the Ladies' toilets, as they think they are women, so they must be.

This is becoming normal.

It isn't right and it's not in law yet, but for some reason, many institutions and political parties and retailers have jumped the legal gun and have allowed it - which does go against the Equalities Act, which specifies that biology matters and that SEX equality (not fucking "gender") means that women (biological women with XX chromosomes) are protected.

But none of that matters in the political steamroller that is the trans rights movement.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/12/2019 07:41

@Mummyoflittledragon agreed if the baby changing facility was available. But it may not have been and if she's struggling with the baby anyway waiting with an upset baby when there's another option doesn't really make sense.

There's much slimmer chance of there being a baby changing facility in the men's toilets and that's not going to help her get used to the WOMENS toilets and baby changing facilities when she takes baby out, is it?

He was there to support his wife and newborn baby. Nothing about who's the weaker sex.

Original poster
Beansprout30 · 29/12/2019 07:43

There was a disabled / baby change, single cubicle completely separate and outside of the ladies block. The child was looking more of a toddler than baby. I was worried to say anything in case I got a mouthful from either the guys in question or the other ladies in the toilets

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 29/12/2019 07:45

@Beansprout30 in that case I withdraw my PND suggestion and think you're completely reasonable to have felt uncomfortable!

SonEtLumiere · 29/12/2019 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LongLiveThePenis · 29/12/2019 07:47

Yeah, @GiveHerHellFromUs. Sod all the other women using that toilet. Their struggle to cope with a man in the toilet while they're vulnerable don't matter.
You don't know what they've been through.

slipperywhensparticus · 29/12/2019 07:48

This is why I dont use public toilets anymore I dont like sharing them with men

kristallen · 29/12/2019 07:49

I also came across a man in the ladies - the Sunday before Christmas. It was in our local leisure centre in the entrance area. There were swimming lessons on so I got my kids ready then headed to the cafe (so not in the changing area loos). There are two cubicles and in one there was a man with a daughter. I thought I must've mistaken but then he spoke again to the child. He was just helping her but it did seem that they weren't about to finish. I would have been peeing literally a better from the man in echoey room so I just left. The cafe also had loos so I went there (they were empty).

Interestingly, this swim club uses the group changing room for its students. They have boys and girls and mixed. The oldest kids are about 13. The club started a forth changing room for older girls who were unaccompanied (because dads go in the single sex girls changing - it works on sex of child not parent). The club wrote on the sign that it was for Female Instructors. An email was sent out to say that men were strictly not allowed in it. Now fair enough that not everybody reads emails all the time, but it was labelled for adult women! And guess what? Dads were still going in! Another email got sent out quite sharply (not rudely) saying no males in that room. I think the message got through, but haven't heard.

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 29/12/2019 07:49

GiveHerHellFromUs
I get what you're saying, but it doesn't make it right.
It's the same when "supportive" partners turn up to breastfeeding groups. I would have loved my DH to come along to my breastfeeding cafe ten years ago, but out of respect for other mothers, I didn't invite him. When I volunteered later on at the breastfeeding group, so many men came along to support their own partner, lovely, except it made many other women feel uncomfortable. This is pretty much the same situation as the baby changing story mentioned...

kristallen · 29/12/2019 07:50

*peeing literally a metre

Honeybee85 · 29/12/2019 07:51

Or the stories about men staying overnight at maternity wards....

Hellofromtheotherside2020 · 29/12/2019 07:51

NotherOp so weird you've never spotted them, I'm in qld too waves