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AIBU?

Husband wanting to remortgage.....I don’t

131 replies

Guitarlessons · 28/12/2019 20:09

DH and I only have just over a year left on our Mortgage, and I for one cannot wait to have that security and freedom where the house is finally ours.

Just for a bit of background when I was younger my mum and dad were alcoholics, and my mum would never pay the rent, we would get letters threatening eviction and my mum would tell me about this as she was worried and I mean she would tell me this at a young age (about 11/12) and I remembering worrying where would we all live. So we have been hammering our mortgage and in just over a years time, it will be ours.

DH wants to buy land, and eventually build a house, which means remortgaging. I don’t want to do this. I’ve told him once our mortgage is paid, he can do what he likes but don’t remortgage the house, but he says we can’t do that, he needs to remortgage get the the money from the lenders!!

He says I’m being unreasonable, I won’t even think about it....eh no I want the security of my home. We are both going to be 50 without a mortgage and I think that’s a brilliant achievement. Another reason I don’t want to remortgage is because of Brexit, we don’t know what’s going to happen with that, it could affect my husbands job, it could affect my job. We only have about £11,000 to pay on our mortgage, and now he wants to remortgage for about £150,000, to live in the middle of no where and that’s another thing I don’t want to live in the middle of no where. I love my house, I love the area we in.

I can’t see another way round this!

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Am I being unreasonable?

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Guitarlessons · 20/01/2020 07:58

Thank you everyone for you’re replies. Sorry I haven’t been back, I’ve been ill.

So found out. A bit more about this land DH wants to buy. It’s going for £29,000 (we are in Scotland), it’s been up for sale for quite some time, the price has been reduced a few times, there is no planning permission and it’s next to a sewage works!!!!!!!
DH isn’t a builder and has no experience of a self build.

I’ve told him this is a bad idea, I’ve asked him why has it been up for sale for so long? Why does the price keep on being reduced as there must be a reason why no one is buying it. There is no planning permission so this could be a problem. He just ignores my questions and I honestly thinks this could be part of a stealth blast “oh I own some land which I’m going to build a house on”.

This hasn’t always been his plan so it’s not as if I’m the one changing my mind about this. It’s only in the couple of years that he has got really into gardening and growing things, before that I was a golf widow, he was away golfing all the time, he grew nothing and it was minimum maintenance on the garden.

Previously he wanted to buy another property and rent it out and was going to do this when our mortgage was paid. He keeps changing his mind about things, fuck even the other day he was saying he could remortgage our home for just £40,000 and put that into his pension and take the mortgage over 15 years!!!! I’m like WTF. He is trying to find ways to reduce his tax as he is on a higher tax brand and we have to pay back the child benefit we have received (it’s only the past year he has went into the higher tax bracket).

I’m seriously pissed off with him, and I’m sick and tired of him talking about money every fucking day, he talks about nothing else.

Another reason why I don’t want to remortgage is if anything were to happen with our marriage (there is a reason for this which I won’t go into) and we split up I know I have a large share of our home which I can have to buy myself another property.

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BlouseAndSkirt · 20/01/2020 08:19

He is trying to find ways to reduce his tax as he is on a higher tax brand and we have to pay back the child benefit we have received (it’s only the past year he has went into the higher tax bracket

He is hopeless! Rather than pay high interest in re-mortgaging to put the money in his pension, he could simply take a salary sacrifice, have the money put into his pension instead, thereby avoiding the higher tax band and loss of CB.

I think you should both talk to a financial adviser about making the best of your long term prospects, and have a heart to heart about your long term goals.

It must be possible to find a house in a community, close to fishing and golf and with space for a greenhouse without resorting to Chez Sewage Works!

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dottiedodah · 20/01/2020 08:35

I think this is a lifestyle choice in which both of you are sadly somewhat mismatched! No one is "wrong" or "right" here .How do you get on usually ? Are you otherwise happy together? I think it may mean splitting up if you cant see a way forward .Sometimes in mid life people feel a bit bogged down though and like to take a risk before they become "boring"! If you go with his dream can you not get a dog to enjoy all the fresh air?.I think you are letting your childhood affect your vision in a negative way .It may be successful and increase your wealth considerably .What about renting out your house ,and getting a mortgage for a slightly smaller amount in the country ,or maybe a slightly less rural location?

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cptartapp · 20/01/2020 08:40

Planning to grow old 'in the middle of nowhere' is a risky business. Have seen the repercussions of that for many years when district nursing.

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PeanisBeker · 20/01/2020 08:40

If you've got no mortgage, now is the perfect time for him to roll the extra into a pension, thus avoiding CB tax too.

I agree that this all sounds a bit mental...

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Mistressofpemberly · 20/01/2020 08:45

Seeing your comment about marriage problems OP I wonder if this is an attempt by him to ‘disappear’ sone of the equity in the house to disadvantage you in a split.... stand your ground.

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Guitarlessons · 20/01/2020 08:51

Thanks. We had spoke in the past about what we would do when the mortgage was paid and that was to pay about £1000 per month into his pension.

We already live near places for golf and fishing, infact the place he wants to move to is no where near where he goes fishing.
We already have a dog and there is lovely walks we can go to where we are

The higher tax band he is only in because his work has been very busy and he got lots of overtime, that could stop at any time. When I say this to him he says it won’t....well he must have a crystal ball!!

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Guitarlessons · 20/01/2020 08:53

Oh and we do have a greenhouse it’s just not big enough for him. The garden isn’t big enough for him!

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Forestwitch · 20/01/2020 08:56

Urghh! Sewage plant. Flooding, bad smells. That's why it gets reduced in price.
As others have said, get a camper van! You're in Scotland, you can go anywhere and camp anywhere (within reason).

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dayslikethese1 · 20/01/2020 09:01

Sounds a bit mental to me OP, YANBU.

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Forestwitch · 20/01/2020 09:02

Nicer parcels of land out there if he's that desperate...

www.onthemarket.com/farms-land/property/scotland/?max-price=30000

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Disfordarkchocolate · 20/01/2020 09:05

Allotment.

And why was the plan to only add to his pension and not yours too?

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Mistressofpemberly · 20/01/2020 09:07

Gosh OP pay £1000 pm into his pension.... what about yours?. If you think marital split may be coming reconsider this.

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Guitarlessons · 20/01/2020 09:15

I don’t think we will split BUT he did cheat on me years ago and we decided to stay together and get counselling. I do think he is really sorry about it and really does regret it, but I remember how I felt at the time thinking where will me and my kids go, I’ve got nowhere to live because I wasn’t working at the time and didn’t have any family I could stay with. I have forgiven him BUT that feeling I felt then has never gone away and I will never be in that position again. I have a small amount of savings but I only work part time and what I have and what I earn wouldn’t be enough to get me a mortgage, therefore the equity on my house is my security.

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LakieLady · 20/01/2020 09:35

The day we paid off the mortgage was the next best thing to winning the lottery. Having the knowledge that we would never need to worry about having a roof over our heads was a wonderful feeling. And as we live in an expensive part of the country, we can free up some capital by moving somewhere cheaper, which we wanted to do anyway.

I think his plans sound like he's having a midlife crisis or something. Tell him to buy some land and stick a caravan on it to see if he likes it before considering the self-buy mortgage.

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Mistressofpemberly · 20/01/2020 09:40

Gotcha OP. Once you have contemplated a split you realise how it will be financially /practically and it does make you more critical/savvy about your decisions. Up to that point you just assume it is a joint future and doesn’t matter who has what.
If you want to stay together then you can’t constantly second guess everything you do in case you split.... but big financial decisions should be weighed carefully always,

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BarbaraofSeville · 20/01/2020 10:20

I wouldn't have thought you'd get planning permission for a house next to a sewerage works, not that anyone would want to live there. Sounds like this land is a non starter as a residential plot.

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MulticolourMophead · 20/01/2020 11:02

OP, the more you type, the more I feel you need proper financial advice.

Paying into his pension sounds okay, but what about yours? You should have a pension too. And so on. That plot of land needs research to find out why price keeps going down. Itll be a waste of money if you can't build there.

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Motoko · 20/01/2020 11:59

If you don't capitulate about this, your marriage is unlikely to survive anyway, going by the way he seems determined to spend the equity. It's very sensible to not want to jeopardise your financial security by remortgaging. But you do also need to think about your pension, not just his, especially if you split up.

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BlouseAndSkirt · 20/01/2020 16:11

It can cost £15k to find out if you could get planning permission .

Though you can probably ask the council planning department whether they would in principle grant permission in that location and what the restrictions would be.

I think you are right to play safe. He sounds restless, or mid life crisis-y.

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OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 20/01/2020 16:34

He sounds deluded.

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aroundtheworldyet · 20/01/2020 16:42

Tell him to get an allotment

I mean it’s easy. You just don’t sign any papers and you consistently say no.

But clearly there are bigger issues

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abstractprojection · 20/01/2020 17:02

He's having a mid-life crisis. And I completely agree with you on everything: keeping your home, being mortgage free, considering the financial effect of a separation.

I'd encourage him to put cash in his pension to decrease tax, as if you split you'd be entitled to a share of it (this might sound mean, but it sounds like your pension may be very low due to children and part-time work, and that as a hobbyist he may be the spender as well as the earner in your relationship).

And then I'd 'compromise' by saying once the mortgage is paid off he can put X amount into whatever his dream is, which you fully support, as long as no debt is put against your name or the home you share (you can't stop him from doing this anyway, so might as well make it sound like a compromise).

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aroundtheworldyet · 20/01/2020 17:04

Why are you putting it in his pension and not your OWN pension

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Oblomov20 · 20/01/2020 17:08

I understand this because Dh wanted to remortgage and I didn't.
It involved many difficult and complex discussions.

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