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AIBU?

Husband wanting to remortgage.....I don’t

131 replies

Guitarlessons · 28/12/2019 20:09

DH and I only have just over a year left on our Mortgage, and I for one cannot wait to have that security and freedom where the house is finally ours.

Just for a bit of background when I was younger my mum and dad were alcoholics, and my mum would never pay the rent, we would get letters threatening eviction and my mum would tell me about this as she was worried and I mean she would tell me this at a young age (about 11/12) and I remembering worrying where would we all live. So we have been hammering our mortgage and in just over a years time, it will be ours.

DH wants to buy land, and eventually build a house, which means remortgaging. I don’t want to do this. I’ve told him once our mortgage is paid, he can do what he likes but don’t remortgage the house, but he says we can’t do that, he needs to remortgage get the the money from the lenders!!

He says I’m being unreasonable, I won’t even think about it....eh no I want the security of my home. We are both going to be 50 without a mortgage and I think that’s a brilliant achievement. Another reason I don’t want to remortgage is because of Brexit, we don’t know what’s going to happen with that, it could affect my husbands job, it could affect my job. We only have about £11,000 to pay on our mortgage, and now he wants to remortgage for about £150,000, to live in the middle of no where and that’s another thing I don’t want to live in the middle of no where. I love my house, I love the area we in.

I can’t see another way round this!

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

796 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
6%
You are NOT being unreasonable
94%
PickAChew · 28/12/2019 23:25

In fairness, @TigerOnATrain we have done just that but our payments are all of 517 pcm. We're overpaying where we can and DH isn't likely to retire for 20 years or more, anyhow, as he's a little younger than me.

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73Sunglasslover · 28/12/2019 23:50

Your posts come across as slightly dismissive of what your husband wants. He's always known that paying off the mortgage is important to you - have you always known what's important to him? Some people do crave living in the middle of no-where. I'm not suggesting that you should just do what he wants but neither can you just expect him to do what you want, even if there is a back story which makes this very important to you.

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Bloke23 · 28/12/2019 23:52

Dunno where you are from but where i live in england 1 acre of land with planning permission goes for just under 1 million

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Salene · 29/12/2019 07:37

It's definitely not something I would do at 50 years old, at 50 I would like to enjoy life and being mortgage free would allow you to do some much stuff with no worries.

I think he is crazy personally and I would not agree to getting debt at that age. Stress free living is way more important to me than the home I live in.

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80sstyle · 29/12/2019 09:02

How long would the term of the mortgage be? Has he worked that out and how old you will both have to be working until? What about redundancy (happened to me) or ill health? I think it’s too risky when you get into your 50s.

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Fairylea · 29/12/2019 09:09

We’ve just paid off our mortgage - we are in our 30s and there’s no way I would ever want a mortgage again for similar reasons to you (alcoholic mother, unstable childhood etc). Many people our age are taking out huge mortgages on properties to renovate but to us we just want the security of owning our own stable home and using the extra money to do it up and have great holidays etc. I think this comes down to you and dh being incompatible in this regard. You both seem to want completely different things. I would just say no - either you sell and get half each or he forgets his idea.

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Quicklittlenamechange · 29/12/2019 09:25

Yanbu OP
Fast forward 10 years when statistically many people develop health issues .
My DPIL did this and its been a nightmare, one of them developed Dementia (mid 60s early onset) and they are isolated, one caring for the other but also unable to access carers as its too isolated for care companies to go out there.
They are trying to sell but no viewings or interest at all .
The suggestions of a campervan/allotment are a good compromise.

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homeishere · 29/12/2019 09:33

Sod that.

I agree with the PPs above. Lay it out for him.

A) pay off mortgage and live in house until you both decide to downsize/relocate mortgage free
B) sell house, split the money 50/50 and divorce.

If he chooses the latter then it’s very sad, and he’ll regret it massively. But at least you’ll be 50, mortgage free, and have your own cougar pad in a city centre somewhere.

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Lex234 · 29/12/2019 09:59

I think the main issue really is whether you want to live anywhere else. From your posts it sounds to me like actually you are happy in your home and paying off the mortgage is just "the icing on the cake". (Congratulations by the way!)

If you are prepared to move, maybe a compromise could be to sell up and rent whilst the new house is being done (no new debt and yes, dead money in renting but only short term).

If you are dead set against moving, well that ends the conversation really. Unless as others have said you both feel so strongly about your own positions the only option is to each go your own way. (Which also may mean moving!)

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MrsZola · 29/12/2019 10:19

I wouldn't remortgage - I stupidly agreed to this a few years ago. We could have paid it off, but DH was diagnosed with a debilitating progressive condition 6 years ago and hasn't been able to work and contribute overpayments on the mortgage. We'll now have to sell, move somewhere smaller with far less capital to spend as we'll never pay it off. If we hadn't remortgaged we would have been mortgage free before he was diagnosed and have loads more choices with our lives now.

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Cacklingmags · 29/12/2019 10:35

I can't think of anything worse than going rural in the 50s age bracket.
People need friends/family around as they get older and access to health care becomes more important, not to mention theatres, cinema and restaurants. He does not need to live in the middle of a muddy field to go for country walks or fishing. Stick to your guns OP and let him go it alone if he must.

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candycane222 · 29/12/2019 11:00

It's lovely that he wants to grow stuff etc - could he buy some land that is unlikely ever to get planning permission and therefore much cheaper, and bought from savings / manageable repayments leaving your house right out of it. I know woodland is sold this way, is considered an investment in fact.

YADNBU by the way!

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ApolloniaVitelliCorleone · 29/12/2019 11:08

Hi Guitar well done in getting to where you are - I think the bigger problem here is that you seem to want different things going forward - I wouldn’t compromise as all the things your husband wants from the move are solo activities for him at least if he’s off doing them in your current home you have freedom and opportunity on your doorstep to pursue what you want to do. Stick to your guns

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Orangeblossom78 · 29/12/2019 11:11

I feel the same and in same position, ours will be paid off next year also

Could you consider a cash buy? We are self employed so probably wouldn't get another mortgage anyway.

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IfNot · 29/12/2019 11:12

tiger why would 2 people have to "work all the hours God sends" to service a 130k mortgage? Even If it was only over 15 years the repayments wouldn't be that much surely?Confused
OP YANBU. I would do it, self build, if it was an area I loved, buy you don't want to, and you dont want to be rural.
Tell him to save the deposit for a self build mortgage and build a holiday cottage.

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Orangeblossom78 · 29/12/2019 11:15

Another option could maybe be getting a small place in country and letting it out on air bnb or the like to have as a holiday home

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80sstyle · 29/12/2019 11:18

Who wants to be committed to working full time to pay the mortgage well into their 60s?

In my profession most people are retired by then and even if you want to work, there is such age discrimination that you are very lucky to hang on to the job you have got. I was made redundant at 50 as were all my colleagues late 40s and above in a major staff reorganisation.

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MrsAmaretto · 29/12/2019 11:19

As a pp said you don't remortgage to self build you need a self build mortgage.

But that's not the issue, the issue is that you see two different futures.

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ActualHornist · 29/12/2019 11:21

My worst nightmare.

I wouldn’t want to do it for the self build in the middle of nowhere thing.

Tell him to find a different hobby - golf? Sailing? Model trains?

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MsMellivora · 29/12/2019 11:25

Has he ever lived rurally? I grew up in a rural area and it’s a never again from me. You have to be very organised as nipping out for milk may mean a drive of a few miles. Does sound lie he wants a very solitary existence, has he always been like this?

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IfNot · 29/12/2019 11:25

Well that's shit 80s as most of us won't get our pensions till we're at least 67..I'm not going to have a choice but to work until then!

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Junie70 · 29/12/2019 11:27

I'd let him thoroughtly research it, OP. And then come to a joint decision. Where we live (rural Gloucestershire) land is like hen's teeth, and rarely available below £500k. Add on £250k for a decent build, and it's a pipe dream for most people.

Perhaps he could buy some woodland or agricultural land, so he feels that he has space and quiet somewhere. There is always a compromise.

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Orangeblossom78 · 29/12/2019 11:28

Maybe it could be his project in that he funds it separately so you can keep your home also.I agree about rural as well, grew up there and found it isolating and lonely, we have the same conversations and now live in a city which I think will be perfect for the future, and for older DC wanting to visit etc. He goes on about having big garden and dog walking etc.

I think if he wants this so much then maybe this can be a separate holiday home type project not to give up our home.

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Orangeblossom78 · 29/12/2019 11:29

Wales or Scotland could be cheap but beautiful and could go stay there

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katewhinesalot · 29/12/2019 11:31

It's not a remortgageing issue. It's a future lifestyle issue.

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