Over Spending on Christmas Presents

[MissyMoooo]

My DD has had a best friend for just over a year (age 12) It's the first time she's exchanged Christmas presents with any friends at Christmas. We spent around £40 on her friend, but we were quite embarrassed when we opened my DDs present as there were lots of gifts which came to at least £150. Anyway, we bought what we could afford and I guess her friend did the same (they are really well off!) My DD is upset because her friend told her mum said "is that all she bought you" when she opened her presents. I'm thinking I should have spent more but they're not even teenagers yet at £40 was a lot of money for me to spend on a friend of my DD. What do you think? I honestly think the friend spent far too much but my DD is embarrassed about the whole thing.

I think £40 is excessive!

I would have spent about £10-£15.

£40 is on the upper end of reasonable for a 12 year olds "friend", so I think you were very generous to spend that amount.

£150 is in my opinion too much to be spending on your child's cousin, (your niece/nephew), nevermind a friend, so I think it was unreasonable for her friends parents to be spending that much on your child.

They are insane. When we were that age, gifts to friends were £10 max. It was more about the thought, not the amount.

I think I would be having a few words with the mum about materialism and rudeness.

£150?! That’s crazy! Lovely, but crazy! I think it’s horrible her mum said that - they shouldn’t be giving to receive anyway. I would have thought £40 was even a lot to spend to be honest. I wouldn’t worry about it and don’t be drawn into spending more and more money in the future, it’s not worth it and will cause you undue stress!

Blimey, thought you were going to see you were embarrassed that you’d spent so much! For reference my 12 Year old DC spent £10-15 each on 4 friends and I thought that was too much.

I agree, even £40 is excessive!
At their age, 20 would be more like it for me.
If that's the attitude of the parents, I'd note be happy!

My 13yo and friends spent £10 on their secret Santa. I wouldn't agree to £40 let alone £150!

£40 is far too much. If a friend spent over £150 on my kid I would return the present and say it’s completely inappropriate to spend so much money.
In the future tell your daughter she needs to agree a spending limit when deciding to buy for friends- £5-£10 depending on how much pocket money she gets

Thank you! I would never normally spend that much but my DD said that she knew her friend had bought her a lot so I was under pressure to not make DD look like a skin flint 🙈 But in the end we did anyway. I just think it's a bit OTT, but yes it was very kind of them. I was just a bit upset at what the mum said.

That's ridiculous! When I was that age, we just bought token things for each other like some cheap earrings from Claire's, etc. Totally mad amount of money to spend!

£40 is a lot to spend let alone £150!! Dd is 14 and her group of friends did a secret Santa between them with a £10 limit to avoid this sort of thing. It's a tricky one to navigate but it's done now. Maybe get dd to write a nice thank you note to show appreciation- and set a sensible spending limit for next year!

How bizarre. Regardless of how well off you are it’s really not normal to spend that amount of money on a present for your DC’s friend. And then what the Mum said is horrible, she’s the one that should be embarrassed firstly about going way, way overboard and then about the nasty comment.

My DD and her friends apart from the Secret Santa - had a budget of £2 per gift. so mostly chocs and smellies

You must know that £150 is an insane amount for one 12yo to spend on another. Hell, that’s about what I spent on each of my own kids for Christmas. Even £40 seems really excessive to me.

When I said £40 was on the upper end of reasonable for context, our friends children receive a £25 gift voucher, either for an "experience day" which they all attend together, or for a specific toy shop, (occasionally in cash) if we all know that they are saving their own money for a very expensive item. And a small gift to open on the day.

£40 is excessive imo so £150 is completely taking the piss. Most wealthy people I know aren’t ostentatious, spending £150 on gifts for your 12 year old’s friend is tacky.

£40 is a lot, we used to do secret santa and always agree an amount, around £5-10 at that age and stick to that. Mainly as some of us were able to afford a lot, and others (including me) weren't. It took all of that element away.

I agree £40 on a friend at 12 is far too much. But the real issue is what the friend's mother said - and that the friend repeated it back.

If possible I'd urged your DD to cool the friendship. And explain to her that money doesn't buy class (and conversely people with real class rarely flaunt their money - look at the royals in their hole-y shoes, re-worn dresses, dirty nails etc*).

*Harry, Anne and Zara respectively

Curious to know what you bought vs what they bought your DD

I think £40 is loads! That Mum sounds awful. Odd behaviour x

My dd's had a fiver limit for friends!!
They have always been told friendships aren't based on who spends the most.
Seems your dd is the better friend ime.
Her friend's dm is a crabby cow.

That is insane! £40 is a hugely generous probably excessive amount amount - £150 is insane. I mean I could afford to spend that much but I wouldn't because I would feel like I'd probably embarrass the other family. It's also hugely wasteful and unnecessary.

Do you think the mother did actually say that?