Over Spending on Christmas Presents

[MissyMoooo]

My DD has had a best friend for just over a year (age 12) It's the first time she's exchanged Christmas presents with any friends at Christmas. We spent around £40 on her friend, but we were quite embarrassed when we opened my DDs present as there were lots of gifts which came to at least £150. Anyway, we bought what we could afford and I guess her friend did the same (they are really well off!) My DD is upset because her friend told her mum said "is that all she bought you" when she opened her presents. I'm thinking I should have spent more but they're not even teenagers yet at £40 was a lot of money for me to spend on a friend of my DD. What do you think? I honestly think the friend spent far too much but my DD is embarrassed about the whole thing.

Yanbu - £40 is way more than I'd expect most to spend on a friend at that age. DDs friend didn't need to relay that comment, she's old enough to know it's rude and would cause embarassement. IF her mum did actually say that, then she is also rude and not that kind - if she has money £150 is not a big deal to her so it is unpleasant for her to mention the disparity.
Set limits next time maybe? Hope your DD is ok bless her

Blimey.
DD and her 3 closest friends clubbed together to do a joint present for each of them. They all spent £20 and had a lovely time doing it.

Your DD sounds sensible saying they won't exchange gifts next year. I'd suggest they agree together a more realistic limit.

Next year the expectation will be that the children buy presents themselves (i.e. parents not funding them directly).
My DD (13) bought a set of matching necklaces for her friends. Think they were £1.50 each. She got similar value gifts back.

unless you live in an exceptionally wealthy area, you are both out of kilter with what is "normal".

I'd love to know what the friend bought for your DD. £150 is crazy

I always take dc friends out and treat them, but never ever would I let my dc spend more than £30- £40 on a bf. I would only go to that much if it was a real good friend.
£150 is ridiculous, I didn't spend that on dp!

Op are they in private school? I've never heard of anything like this

Wow. Mine spent about £4 on most of their friends. Dd1 bought an extra £12 present for her long term best friend

I spend about £150 on my own DCs, no way would DCs friend get that

Do they think you are loaded?

My DD always did poundshop lucky dip with her friends.......DS never bothered. Tbh I'd be creeped out if a friend spent £150 on my child and stick the parents on my bloody oddbods list.

Wow 😮 this is bonkers! She should be embarrassed, not you. £150 is way OTT and she sounds like a loon

Your dd needs to find a new friend if this ones mother is such a judgemental, materialistic bitch.

Goodness. I tried to spend around 10-15 each on family!
Due to FC and panic buying, more than I would like on the kids but- in my world- this is crazy money... both the 40 and the 150....

I don't even spend £40 on my parents!

You're both nuts.
Bar of toblerone and a selection box should have been about it

Her awful mother is going to raise her daughter to be just like her. Shame.

Wow. I would only have spent £20 at a stretch!

yanbu

New money I assume? ;)

I don’t even spend £40 on DD’s best friend who is also the daughter of my best friend.

DD spent €8 on a necklace and I thought this appropriate. I actually suggested a secret /girl as there are 5 in her friendship group but luckily only two gave her a present.

I would return gifts worth £150 and say something to the parents that it is not possible to accept it from a friend, hey, I wouldn’t accept such gifts from a friend, never mind a child.

I am intrigued about what presents were given and received! £150 for friend at age 12 is excessive. I sent all of my kids(my extended family kids I raised) to top end private schools-they rarely bothered exchanging gifts at Christmas, even the class secret santa budget was no more than £10. Most of the parents were very wealthy but felt no need to flaunt it/kids very down to earth.

What did friend buy your DD that cost £150?! That's insane.
I only spent £30 on my niece and £130 on my own DD (16).
I'd be encouraging your DD to find new friends!

Spending £150 on a best friend is crazy. I spent near that for Christmas presents, on each of my children. They are insane. Next time tell your daughter to explain, " the budget is x", so theres no over/under spending on either side.

It was 20 tops best friend and 10 anyone else when I was in primary/middle. By high school I had a paperound so I’d spend a tenner from my own pocket.

My daughter bought a few friends gifts, she gave them chocolate and photos of them together, cheap and thoughtful. We have had loads of secret Santa's this year and all were topped at £6

I assume new money? Old money would never be that crass, rude and distasteful. Yuck.

Wow, I didn’t even spend £40 on my parents.
There’s no way I’d spend that on a friend and even if I was rolling in it I wouldn’t allow my dc to spend that on a friend . It’s ridiculous