Over Spending on Christmas Presents

[MissyMoooo]

My DD has had a best friend for just over a year (age 12) It's the first time she's exchanged Christmas presents with any friends at Christmas. We spent around £40 on her friend, but we were quite embarrassed when we opened my DDs present as there were lots of gifts which came to at least £150. Anyway, we bought what we could afford and I guess her friend did the same (they are really well off!) My DD is upset because her friend told her mum said "is that all she bought you" when she opened her presents. I'm thinking I should have spent more but they're not even teenagers yet at £40 was a lot of money for me to spend on a friend of my DD. What do you think? I honestly think the friend spent far too much but my DD is embarrassed about the whole thing.

Wow that’s bonkers! Dd spent £5 each on 6 friends. She’s 11.

I think a bit more context is needed. Do you live in Notting hill and have second homes in Dubai?

We are reasonably well off. My 11 year old got her school friends, (who she has also known for just a year), a chocolate reindeer from asda each, they cost about 89p. 2 friends got her nothing in return, and 2 friends bought her sweets costing less than a pound.
My other teenage dd bought her lifelong best friend items costing £20 in total.

I have friends who are very well off, they don’t expect me to give them expensive gifts, it is the thought that counts. I agree with the posts, £10.00 would have been my upper limit for a friend of that age. I would have contacted their parents to make sure they were happy about it. Absolutely ridiculous, DD has nothing to feel ashamed of, it must have put the dampeners on Christmas, and it shouldn't of.

At that age I would honestly let them buy each other gifts with their pocket money ( so spend considerably less).

It's poor form from the other family I think. A bit crass tbh. Do not give it another thought.

£40 is too much, £150 is insane, the friend's mum has no manners at all, and the friend was rude in repeating what her mum had said.

Next year, agree a £10 limit and stick to it.

Bizarre. And our DC were brought up in London, Notting Hill friends and expensive schools etc. Fiver tops for secret santa and no personal presents. Our own DC didn't necessarily get £150 presents.

Friend's mother is INCREDIBLY rude.

I would have set a budget of £20. Next year, if she has the same friend, I would suggest that they have a conversation about it a couple of months before Christmas. Your DD needs to say that she's not expecting a big/expensive present from the friend, and that you're only letting her spend up to X amount.

Well I think you are all slightly bonkers.

A £5 - £10 gift would have been absolutely fine. It's not like the kids actually have their own money is it. This isn't supposed to be a main gift but a gesture of 2 children's friendship.

I doubt the friends mother actually said that.

What did your dd receive for £150 intrigued!

I spend £20 maximum on close relatives!

If my DD, aged 11, received a gift worth £40 I would feel embarrassed for the other child, as that is completely inappropriate. So I have no frame of reference for £150 - I would think that really tacky if I’m honest.

I’m gobsmacked, how can anyone of 12 years old spend £150 on a gift for a friend? What could they get? £10 is definitely it rly the right amount, what a strange tale

£150 is more than I spent on my own 12yo!

My children got 20 euros each to buy 5 presents for their family (they are 13 and 15) 40 quid is a large amount for me-150 is ridiculous!

What did she buy?

Like @BrieAndChilli said, please let us know what gift(s) were purchased costing £150?

I'm an adult and my friends and I don't spend £40 on gifts. We spend between £5 and £20. The friends mother is unreasonable to expect anything tbh.

£40 is too much.

I’m also curious as to what cost £150, which was more than I spent on my dc’s main present.

Even£40 is a lot. I would expect £20-30 on very best friend, and £5-15 on other friends (depending on number of friends).

Naff

It shouldn’t matter how much is spent. It’s the thought that goes into it. I wouldn’t care how much I’d spent, so long as the present was something the other child wanted. Similarly I wouldn’t care if DD received something that didn’t cost very much so long as some thought had gone into it. It’d be very crass to comment on the monetary value of a present to a child.

Can you contact the girls mum and say you are embarrassed that they bought so much and feel you can't accept it ?

Why should she say she is embarrassed? She has nothing to feel embarrassed about. She isn't the problem here. She could contact the girls mum and tell her how fucking ridiculous the woman was for spending that amount though.