Over Spending on Christmas Presents

[MissyMoooo]

My DD has had a best friend for just over a year (age 12) It's the first time she's exchanged Christmas presents with any friends at Christmas. We spent around £40 on her friend, but we were quite embarrassed when we opened my DDs present as there were lots of gifts which came to at least £150. Anyway, we bought what we could afford and I guess her friend did the same (they are really well off!) My DD is upset because her friend told her mum said "is that all she bought you" when she opened her presents. I'm thinking I should have spent more but they're not even teenagers yet at £40 was a lot of money for me to spend on a friend of my DD. What do you think? I honestly think the friend spent far too much but my DD is embarrassed about the whole thing.

some friend! -telling your DD her mum said that. Even at 12yo I'd expect her not to say that.
The mum sounds vile.
£40 is way too much. I'd have allowed a £20 budget tops!
It's be reduced to a tenner tops for this girl if they still friends next year.

I dont even spend 150 on my own kids.

Never mind £150. I can't believe you spent £40.

I would have spent £25 MAX. What a twat friends mum is

i think £40 for a friend is very generous. You give according to your means not the means of the recipient.

Both amounts are excessive! My 12 y/o buys for her friends that she wants to give to, using her own money. They got sweets and nail varnish each, she spent less than £5 on them. I don’t spend much more than £150 on my own children

@kareyhunt now I'm not sure, do you think maybe the her friend just said that to make my DD feel bad? I wish we had just set limit of £10-20

Give it no more thought, it’s your DDs friend and the children should spend whatever they can afford on each other (£5), parents have no reason to get involved. Both you and the friend parents are crazy trying to out do each other, I know you spent much less, but you did say that you spent £40 because your DD told you they had spent a lot on her! Ffs stop trying to impress your children.

£40 is loads! My oldest is 13 and I would spend £20 max on a close friend. The mum is being ridiculous.

^ what allthegoodusernameshavegone said.

I'd never spend that amount (£150) on my own dc or family

do you think maybe the her friend just said that to make my DD feel bad?

That was my first thought. A mum, who could afford, and who was happy to spend that on your DD, wouldn’t be so petty as to make a catty remark like that surely?

I used to spend about £1.50 on a present for friends at that age and usually some deal in Woolies (e.g 3 for 2 ok fun cheap makeup set). The problem is not you, it’s the other mum. She needs to teach her daughter the value of money and not to expect £££.

(If the child's mum said that) then she may have plenty of money but lacks manners, common sense and class.

I’m a secondary school teacher and see students exchanging gifts all the time - they certainly don’t spend that kind of money!!! I’m a bit shocked at that mum’s comment - how bloody rude!!

Her friends mum sounds, well, horrible. How bitchy.

I'd go £20 max and money's not an issue for us.

The other parent is insane. 1. to spend so much and 2. to comment on the value of the gift that her daughter received (which in my view was excessive!)

They're showy offy dicks. £150. That's more than some parents spent on their 12 yr old this Christmas. I'd feel bad you spent as much as you did. And I wouldn't do it again.

@allthegoodusernameshavegone you are correct. I didn't want to spend this much on a child but felt I had to do as not to embarrass my DD, it ended up she was embarrassed anyway and now she's told her friend that she won't be doing Christmas presents next year. Now I'm dreading her birthday!!

@surlycurly exactly! I'm pretty sure lots of her friends won't have had that much spent on them by their parents!! Their DD is very entitled but I guess it's really not her fault is it? She's already into make up that I couldn't afford myself

Wow, I can't believe you/DD thought £40 was an appropriate amount to spend (and on a friend she's known for one year)! My DS (11) got a couple of friends a little something which I didn't mind facilitating for him - one gift came to about £9 and the other about £7, I think. I've tended to have a £10 cap on birthday presents for schoolfriends (maybe a little more for bosom buddies) and we've only recently elevated this to £15. I honestly think, even if you can afford to spend more, that a larger amount is just inappropriate spent on schoolfriends. They're not mature enough to cope with the inevitable bragging and comparing and gift escalation if some people spend a lot more than others.

Is your DD's friend/friend's mum given to extravagant displays? I can't believe she said 'is that all she got you?'!!

I wouldn't feel comfortable with any of this. No one should be under this much pressure to spend a mystery amount.
I'd talk to the mother and ask her to agree to set a limit of £15.

I dont even spend £40 on my own nephews and nieces!
What did your daughter buy and what did she get?

Crikey I thought your post was going to say you spent £40 and she spent £5!! At 12 £40 seems far too much!! Ridiculous for the friend to spend £150!!