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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put a block on my DDs phone

123 replies

FloatingMonkeys · 28/12/2019 06:03

DD is 15. I pay for her phone and as such I have an app which allows me to block her phone for scheduled periods. I block it from 10pm to 7am and she has a maximum of 3 hours screen time per day. I do this because otherwise she would be on it 24/7. AIBU?

OP posts:
Saltdoughmuncher · 28/12/2019 06:05

I think so will say you are but I agree with you.

As an adult who is addicted to my phone I wish someone would restrict me!

Original poster
FloatingMonkeys · 28/12/2019 06:05

DD says it's too controlling and that this doesn't teach her self control.

OP posts:
Aramox · 28/12/2019 06:12

Me too. It depends a bit what she uses it for I think and at 15 she does need to have more freedom to choose. I often take ds’s limits off to give him a chance to ‘develop his own self control’ but he doesn’t. Or I release them after he’s spent time doing something else. That doesn’t work either. What else do you want her to be doing? If it’s her main form of relaxation it seems harsh and for us restrictions are our main source of conflict.

overnightangel · 28/12/2019 06:27

Sounds like a great idea to be honest

Lonecatwithkitten · 28/12/2019 06:32

I think at 15 you need to start building her up to making her own choices. Currently it would seem it is forbidden fruit so every chance she gets she is on it. My 15 year is not policed in any way, but knows it goes off at 10pm -she put in her own do not disturb and that meal times/family times phones are not allowed.

Rachelfromfriends1 · 28/12/2019 06:33

What does the block entail exactly?

JustACog · 28/12/2019 08:11

We do this, it's great and responsible parenting

patchworkpatty · 28/12/2019 08:13

Yep, completely controlling. This young person will probably be living away from home in less than 3 years .This level of controlling behaviour is doing nothing to enable her to transition into an independent adult.
As a mother of 7 (all now either at Uni or post Uni ) I can honestly say that the kids who came from these sort of homes were at an absolute loss for even pretty basic behaviour once away from home. Time to let her grow up a bit.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/12/2019 08:14

The 10pm-7am thing is fine (could only do this on nights before school).
3h a day is tight for weekends.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 08:15

DD says it's too controlling and that this doesn't teach her self control.

😂 I bet she does.

She is too young for such self-control, hence why you have to do it for her.

adaline · 28/12/2019 08:17

I think that's too controlling for a 15yo.

How is she supposed to learn how to make her own choices if you make them for her?

Nishky · 28/12/2019 08:19

A 15 year old is too old for self control seriously?

@FloatingMonkeys my mother was like you, decided I couldn’t make decisions for myself and tried to control me. I moved away ASAP and held her at arms length. I am now an adult with teenagers of my own. My relationship with my mother is not good

You reap what you sow.....

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 08:23

A 15 year old is too old for self control seriously?

Too young.

TacoLover · 28/12/2019 08:26

I've always said this and I'll say it again. Strict parenting doesn't create well behaved kids, it creates excellent liars. Speaking from experienceGrin

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2019 08:30

I agree with the night time one. Don't agree with 3 hours a day.

Let her learn to regulate- with verbal guidance not a lock

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 08:37

Let her learn to regulate- with verbal guidance not a lock

She can learn. If the limit is 3 hours, and she moderates her phone usage within that 3 hours, the limit can come off. 🤷🏻‍♀️

But I bet she goes to the limit most days.

Fairylea · 28/12/2019 08:38

I think at 15 you will completely kill her social life doing this. Most 15 / 16 year olds are allowed their phones all the time / to go on them whenever they like. Yes it means they end up on them non stop but that’s the world we live in now. We did used to have a rule that all phones were left downstairs to charge by 11pm when dd was 15 to stop her being up on it all night but that was relaxed at 16. She now knows that if she’s up on it all night she still has to go to school and just feels awful the next day- it’s a learning curve!

3 hours a day is not fair for an older teen. They will miss out socially.

Nishky · 28/12/2019 08:40

@churchandstate sorry I misquoted you in my shock. To claim a 15 year old is too young for self control is ridiculous in my opinion

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 08:40

3 hours a day is not fair for an older teen. They will miss out socially.

And possibly enter adulthood without an addiction to a small black/gold box.

churchandstate · 28/12/2019 08:41

Nishky

Oh right. Better lower the age of adulthood, then.

Yascumbagyamaggot · 28/12/2019 08:41

My daughter could do with this. What is the app please, and how does it work?

Nishky · 28/12/2019 08:43

@churchandstate so when they turn 16 a switch is turned on and they miraculously have self control?

helpfulperson · 28/12/2019 08:43

I've always said this and I'll say it again. Strict parenting doesn't create well behaved kids, it creates excellent liars. Speaking from experience

Totally agree with the above. Very soon she is likely to have a phone you don't know about or other internet access. Maybe go to a library on the weekends and sit in front of a screen.

Sushiroller · 28/12/2019 08:43

Yanbu
It's a great idea...

gnushoes · 28/12/2019 08:44

Does it have to be either/or? Could you not remove the restrictions for the school holiday and see how she does? She might want them back at GCSE time for instance but will learn how to do what's sensible for her with a backstop that the app is still there if she you you think it's sensible.

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