To put a block on my DDs phone

[FloatingMonkeys]

DD is 15. I pay for her phone and as such I have an app which allows me to block her phone for scheduled periods. I block it from 10pm to 7am and she has a maximum of 3 hours screen time per day. I do this because otherwise she would be on it 24/7. AIBU?

At 15 I find that really restrictive and I fear you’ve left it too late to allow her to develop self control wrt her phone. All that will happen now if you lift the block is that she will be on it all the time because she’s never been allowed to control her own time on it. Which will result in you reinstating the block- it’s a catch 22.

"That's the world we live in now" is no reason to let our children do things! There are lots of unpleasant things happening and we should try to make things better rather than just accept them.

Three hours a day is plenty for anyone!

GertiMJN

I’m sure it has its flaws. I prefer them to the cross your fingers method, however.

Depends whether you want her to do well in her exams. Three hours a day on her phone is ridiculous. Of course a reasonable parent would set limits just as they would with other aspects of their life.

What about setting up a station for it somewhere.. like your room and it’s to be in there for 10pm on do not disturb and to be left till morning.. doesn’t need blocked but needs proof that she’s not laying on it all night. Any arguments or failure to do so the block goes back on.

You could also install a screen time app, instead of physically watching for 3 hours, check her use at the end of the day? Tell her how to work the app too so she can check she’s not been on it all day.

I lived on my own at 16, it’s hardly to young to have access to a mobile phone.. if she’s sensible

I’m sure it has its flaws. I prefer them to the cross your fingers method, however

Where have I or anyone else advocated simply crossing your fingers, churchandstate?

You have no problem with instilling simple compliance as a method of preparing teens for adulthood. I have a major issue with that.

By loosening the boundaries whilst they are still officially minors, they are able to experience decision making and self regulation with the benefit of parental support.

Imposing rigid limits and inflexible boundaries until 18 and then removing them, does not prepare them for adulthood.

It is perfectly possible to maintain safeguards whilst loosening the control.

Lots of replies that I will look at in more detail later.

At weekends she has access to the family iPad and her laptop which are unlimited but don't have all the apps her phone has. When the block comes on she loses everything except phone, WhatsApp and messages.

You have no problem with instilling simple compliance as a method of preparing teens for adulthood. I have a major issue with that.

Then you parent as you see fit and I will do the same.

Blocking from 10 - 7 seems reasonable but I’m not sure about restricting to 3 hours a day. I think I would continue the overnight block to ensure she’s getting sleep but consider reducing the 3 hour restriction so that she has an opportunity to develop self control.

I don’t agree with those saying reducing use now will stop her becoming addicted as an adult - I know plenty of addicted adults and smartphones weren’t even in existence in their teens. Furthermore I think the more you restrict something the more it makes somebody crave it and then feel a need to binge when they get a chance. You can’t restrict her usage forever - in under 3 years she’ll be an adult so you’ll have to start loosening your control at some point.

I don’t agree with those saying reducing use now will stop her becoming addicted as an adult - I know plenty of addicted adults and smartphones weren’t even in existence in their teens.

You’re absolutely right, so they were never taught to moderate. They were given a phone and left to become addicted to it.

My DSs do not have restrictions on their phones, they come in do homework, music practice, go to various sports clubs and when they have free time they do as they please. They are not always on their phones but can be if they like. We have no issues at all. As everything else is done I am not sure why I would restrict it.

If they are on their phones at inappropriate times ie at the dinner table they are told not to.

I don't know what reason I would have to put a block on them. Even if they were on it all night they wouldnt do that often given that I'd be hauling their backsides put of bed for school, a good way to learn IMO. Obviously I may encourage them at times to come off early if they have something important the next day though.

The funny thing is, I have never had to speak to them about being on it late as they never do that. We have always been relaxed about it so I dont think its ever occurred to them to abuse it.

I do the same with mine. Term time it’s an hour after school and then all apps bar music go off. Sometimes they ask for 15 minutes before the go to sleep to do a final ‘sweep’ of social media. It works for us.

They have more freedom on weekends.

Obviously I may encourage them at times to come off early if they have something important the next day though.

And that’s obviously up to you. But to me it still sounds like being on their phones is the default setting, not like the phone is a tool, which is the attitude I want to encourage in my children.

I'm not telling you how to parent churchandstate

Discussion forums like this allow an exchange of views that open up access to many more parenting experiences and views than real life can offer.

Just one of the benefits of access to the world wide web

Strict parenting doesn't create well behaved kids, it creates excellent liars.

Totally agree with this as others have said. Whatever is banned or forbidden you immediately want in excess when you can or when the ban is lifted.

I do exactly the same, and she has to put it on change in the kitchen, and not touch it from 7pm onwards

GertiMJN

Fair enough.

Wouldn't have worked with ds as they used their phones in some of their lessons as instructed by the teachers.

I agree with the night time thing. But 3 hours restriction at the weekend and the holidays is harsh. Like it could take 3 hours to organise meeting up with friends or say if she's out with friends I wouldn't want her to think she couldn't contact someone as she was stranded or in trouble by TV worried she only had 2mins left of screen time left

She has access to phone and WhatsApp once the time is up for precisely that reason and music too. It's just social media and games that turn off.

GoGoLego

But isn’t that part of learning to moderate? If you have a 3 hour limit (including calls) shouldn’t you be able to leave a 10 minute buffer for emergencies? And if you can’t, isn’t that evidence that you’re not mature enough to self-regulate?

Ugh @churchandstate you again? Last I saw of you I hoped you decided to stop being on teen/preteen board after you were ragged for believing 14 year olds should have their phone took off them by a sleepover host for no reason.

Really OP I would say not disable the block, but make it go off 30 minutes after your teen should be off it, then she can have self control, but if she does decide to go on it she'll still have that 'ok your taking the piss' block.

Ugh @churchandstate you again? Last I saw of you I hoped you decided to stop being on teen/preteen board after you were ragged for believing 14 year olds should have their phone took off them by a sleepover host for no reason.

Yes, because your disapproval was just so painful to me.

And what is the teen/pre-teen board? This is AIBU, isn’t it?

Ok, I call out my mistake and was supposed to say 'teen based threads' but unless you have finally done your homework on teens I hope no one has took you seriously on the matter.