To put a block on my DDs phone

[FloatingMonkeys]

DD is 15. I pay for her phone and as such I have an app which allows me to block her phone for scheduled periods. I block it from 10pm to 7am and she has a maximum of 3 hours screen time per day. I do this because otherwise she would be on it 24/7. AIBU?

I agree with others who say the nightime lock is fine, the daytime one too restricting. I'd just have the nightime lock only. But I'd have other rules such as no phones at the table, phones away when speaking to others etc. Plus the usual school rules on phone use.

Nishky

Nope. You have to teach it to them, within limits.

And even then, at 16, the self-control of a mature adult won’t be present.

@churchandstate yeah, that is the sort of point of a childhood- we will have to agree to disagree.

@churchandstate of course if you give a 3 hour limit a teen is going to use all that up to the limit- you say that like it’s a sign they can’t regulate?! Its just normal! 3 hours is far too little for a teen throughout the day. Also 3 hours as a total amount doesn’t work because they mostly use their phones for messaging / social reasons so there’ll be times when messages go on and off for hours with breaks or days when it’s less or more than that. It’s not like most of them are playing games (although they might do this as well) where you can say “right have 3 hours on this game” like you would with a younger child.

Imagine you were in the middle of a long discussion with a friend and you suddenly weren’t allowed to keep contributing because your time was up... very frustrating! And if the conversation continued without you in a group you’d feel horribly left out.

I think people on mumsnet as a whole are far too harsh about screen time, in my experience it doesn’t reflect the real world at all.

Both my dc have unrestricted screen time and both are not glued to their phones / gadgets. Sometimes making it more of a thing makes it even worse.

churchandstate yeah, that is the sort of point of a childhood- we will have to agree to disagree.

Sorry, I don’t understand. What is our disagreement, if you agree with me that that’s the point of childhood?

Do you keep an eye on what she does on her phone / online or just restrict how long she can do it?

If you removed the blocks, could you then see the usage over, say a one week period? If your DD can show she’s being sensible, wouldn’t that reassure you?

Yabu.

The block at night, yes but during the day I don’t agree

I do this with my 12 year old - the phone is switched to 'downtime' between 9.30pm - 7am. I also have a 3 hr YouTube limit, but he can use the other apps during daytime.
My 16 year old removed herself from 'iPhone family' so I could no longer turn her phone off at night 😤. I do switch the wifi off from 10pm though and both kids' phones are in my room overnight.
I think restricting the whole phone to 3 hrs is probably a bit much (and I have been accused of being controlling too 😬). Maybe some app limits would work better?

Google family allows to to set different time limits for different apps and shows you how much time they spend on each app

She can learn. If the limit is 3 hours, and she moderates her phone usage within that 3 hours, the limit can come off.

What ridiculous logic churchandstate

There is a massive difference between safeguarding (e.g. night time block) and controlling.

And there are many better ways to help a teenager develop self control than imposing adult adult control

I'm with the 'over control breeding liars' opinions. She'll end up with someone's cast off phone that you won't know about. Or she'll spend her Christmas money on a cheap smartphone (the emergency phone I take as a spare when I travel cost me £45) but pretend the one you control is her only phone.
Three hours isn't enough.

Our rule is that phones are left downstairs at night. I don’t see the difference as they’re both controlling but it’s very important that kids don’t stay up half the night on their phones. Lots of teens do, even though their parents think they don’t.
At 15, Id educate her by using articles on teens, phone time, sleep and effects in mental health, negotiate with her so she has some input, then you can help her stick to the rules you both come up with.

GertiMJN

How is that ridiculous? If the DD is successfully moderating her phone usage within the acceptable limit, then the control can be loosened. If she isn’t, there’s no point loosening it.

If she’s using her phone for more than three hours daily, she’s not moderating her usage.

Three hours isn't enough.

Crazy. You do realise she is likely to be awake for about 15 hours a day? You’re happy for over a fifth of a 15 year old’s waking hours to be spent glued to a phone? Why?

What does she do all day if she’s not on her phone? I’d say my DD spends at least 3 hours of the time you have it locked overnight using her phone.

@churchandstate our disagreement is that children do not need to be controlled by their parents and are in fact quite capable of dealing with stuff

To clarify I disagree with all your opinions

our disagreement is that children do not need to be controlled by their parents and are in fact quite capable of dealing with stuff

Oh right. Yes. We entirely disagree. The juvenile of our species still needs considerable help with stuff like this at 15. As you can see from this thread, where person upon person indicates that their teen doesn’t (successfully) self-limit. They’re on their phones all day.

I have teenage children. I do not need a thread on mumsnet to inform me about teenagers as I know them in real life

Nishky

Don’t read it then.

Church she can't go over 3 hours as it has a block. So how can she meet the not going over challenge you've set as a benchmark?

I think 3 hours for a phone is very limited. Personally I'd go for block over night or phones downstairs and probably some kind of limit during school hours if she can't control phone usage then.

3 hours of a school evening I'd probably enough if she gets in at 4.30 and goes to bed at 9.30/10 and eat as family (no phones) and/or does evening activities.

But she needs more freedom at the weekend or she risks missing social activities because she can't contact people. That's more damaging than phone use.

@churchandstate of course if you give a 3 hour limit a teen is going to use all that up to the limit- you say that like it’s a sign they can’t regulate?! Its just normal! 3 hours is far too little for a teen throughout the day.

It’s not normal. It’s normalised by shoddy parenting.

Church she can't go over 3 hours as it has a block. So how can she meet the not going over challenge you've set as a benchmark?

By going under it.

Strict parenting doesn't create well behaved kids, it creates excellent liars.

Another one who agrees with this.