He used the phrase the girls to describe two adult women.

[cherryblossomgin]

Christmas was great but something stuck out to me, at the time I said nothing but it annoyed me and Its still annoying me. DS BF called me and DS the girls and the moment he said it I internally cringed and wanted to say something but I didn't. I'm 31 she is 30. AIBU to be bothered by this. I know its not a major issue and overall he is nice guy.

@echt by comparing the word “girl” to the 2 racial slurs and homophobic insult you quoted you’ve just shown how uneducated and ridiculous you are.

Men are always going out with the boys/lads!
Get over yourself ❄️

I'm not keen on being called a girl and I have objected to it in work. I just smiled and said 'now, come on Stephen, why are you calling Sally and me the girls when we sit here regularly and discuss how we are all the same age to within a few weeks? You make us sound like we're 16 and doing work experience'.

No drama, no formal complaints, just pointed out that it belittled us. And it stopped.

If you don't like being called something it's perfectly reasonable to ask someone not to do it. But you have to speak up, people can't read your mind.

It is unpleasant and misogynistic and it is depressing how so few women just see it as being how people speak. Social conditioning has a lot to answer for.

I’d call him out on it each and every time.

The issue is that lots of 'men' use it to demean and dismiss women. It diminishes their status.... The argument that x,y,z also says 'the boys' is fatuous, those people are also failing to address that their adult children have grown up and in fact are men, (hopefully competent functioning adults) not boys. They are not 'boys' any more, nor should they be treated as such. I often hear the use of 'boys' in the context of explaining away or justifying low-level misoginistic behavior. For example, "well we may as well write off the boys the day after (in terms of childcare or 'helping') as you know what they are like (hung over becasue they have gotten shit faced and failed to step up to their parenting responsibilities). or the classic 'boys weekend away' ....

Both words allow people who have fairly rigid gender stereotypes to maintain and reinforce those stereotypes.

we were at friends last night and playing some games. Ages ranged from 5 to 53. Choosing teams we decided' girls against boys' What is wrong with this? Everyone knows what is meant and no one was offended.

To me it’s about context ,intent and inference when such words are used.

Fuck it is so depressing how many women just perpetuate depressing gender stereotypes......

Perhaps because they don’t find the word ‘girl’ a depressing gender stereotype.

In some areas of the U.K. it is common for groups of women to be referred to as girls and groups of men as boys with no sexist connotations...

In a work setting i would consider it too informal but in a family home setting it’s likely acceptable...

Personally unless the phrase during conversation was intended to be offensive, belittling, condescending etc I see no problems being referred to as one of the girls.

If you really don’t like the phrase have a quiet word requesting it’s not used in reference to you again.

Admittedly these can sometimes be called lads' nights out whereas I don't think we girls have any other names.

Yes, there are more informal ways like lads, blokes, guys etc to refer groups of men. I can't think of anything similar for women. You'e either got the rather twee 'ladies' or the formal 'women'. In fact, even 'men' can be used informally to address a group of men which doesn't really work with 'women'.

OP, he would you have liked him to have referred to you?

I'm in my 50's I always say I'm out with the girls. I'm out with the women sounds strange.

I cringe on the Apprentice when they use it:

The boy's team
The girls' team.

They should just use men and women. Or maybe just have 2 random teams.

The 80 year old lady at our choir often refers to me and my friend as the girls - I guess that at 50 ish we seem very young to her!

I often hear the use of 'boys' in the context of explaining away or justifying low-level misoginistic behavior.

Yes to this. "Boys will be boys" is a very good example - used to be used by male colleagues to explain away casual sexism/misogyny towards the women. Fortunately, most of those men are finally attempting to move into the 21st century in terms of their attitudes!

@lilgreen I think my point is that in very many contexts the use of the word 'girl' is very much a gender stereotype and I find it depressing that so many women don't see this

I don’t understand the angst. If I go out with friends, I’ll say I’m going out with the girls. Shoot me now. What am I meant to say? I’m going out with a group of people I know who have 2 X chromosomes and identify as female. FFS people are easily offended. Similarly, if DH goes out with male friends and I’m asked where he is, I’ll say out with the boys. We are in our 50’s.

As I said, it’s about context, intent and inference, not the word itself. In the OP’s example there doesn’t appear to be any negative intent or inference or demeaning attitude.

Are you usually so easily offended op?

What a joke. It’s ridiculous for you to get so upset OP.
I call the women at work ‘girls’ and they’re twice my age! We all call each other that.
Dear me.

It's a major issue
Right up there with the obesity crisis, climate change, cancer rates etc

I use guys for both men and women.

Every week, the women in our office have a short meeting. My manager always says, “Tell the boys we’re going into the meeting”. They are all quite senior men in the emergency services.

YANBU.
I agree with hettie

my point is that in very many contexts the use of the word 'girl' is very much a gender stereotype and I find it depressing that so many women don't see this