To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

I found them intrusive, too. I did let them look at the baby’s sleeping area but I sort of wish I hadn’t.

I declined the offer of a visit after DC2 as I found them so unhelpful after DC1. They were a bit put out by this but I just kept telling them ' thanks, but no thanks'.

I saw my health visitor once after discharged from midwife care and I've not seen her since.

My health visitor for DC1 w so rude and awful that when I had DC2 I declined having one over.

My friend's health visitor insisted on inspecting every room in her house. Even the spare room and the guest bathroom. She looked in the kitchen cupboards and everything. Then she patronisingly left a tick box sheet saying that she had had to 'explain to mum' about the danger of keeping bleach under the sink. Well, no, she didn't. My friend had taken the not unreasonable stance that a week old baby was unlikely to be able to crawl to the kitchen cupboard and open a childproof bottle, but had stated that she was well aware that safety precautions would be needed with an older baby or a toddler.

Health visitor had told her the 'home check' was compulsory, and friend was terrified of refusing in case social services would become involved. It was only afterwards that she discovered it wasn't compulsory at all and the hv had wildly overstepped the mark.

I think midwives are there for the mums and the HVs are just there to safeguard the babies..? So, inevitably, they are going to seem less helpful to mums. I didn't mind mine, but no, they were no source of great support or comfort. If I had another baby I probably wouldn't have them again as just getting the house tidy for them coming over and having an extra visitor is a pain when you've just given birth.

My sil is a GP. She found the HV so patronising that she ended up correcting her and politely telling her to fuck off, with her last baby.

I'm sure there are some excellent HVs out there, but I generally think yanbu.

I found them useless with DC1. They couldn’t really offer any advice about my feeding issues other than ‘breastfeeding is best for baby, so you just have to keep trying’. Mumsnet was much more helpful!

With DC2, I had one really rude HV who insisted my DD was jaundiced and was snippy with me that I ‘hadn’t noticed’. She was highly embarrassed when I told her DD wasn’t ‘yellow’ she was mixed race (I’m white, DH black but wasn’t there, so she’d made a massive assumption).

But I then had a lovely HV who called when I was feeding DD in bed watching Christmas films and eating biscuits. She said ‘you’ve got the right idea, my love!’, made me a cup of tea and left.

think midwives are there for the mums and the HVs are just there to safeguard the babies..? So, inevitably, they are going to seem less helpful to mums

This so isn’t the case, and if a HV leaves you with that impression then she or he is doing something wrong.

My HV after DD1 told me that I loved the baby too much and I needed to reprioritise, look after my husband more and cheer up or I’d end up being admitted (she was referring to my PND risk and actually was insinuating that I’d be sectioned...!)

What are they for then @churchandstate? I actually read that on MN! Blame MN for all .

I'm kind of worried about it when I've had my baby. Everyone I know seemed to hate their health visitor.
My SILs HV was extremely rude to her and made her paranoid by saying she wasnt taking the baby outside enough.
I'm hoping I get a nice one!

My two were utterly useless too. Someone must find them helpful though 🤷‍♀️

Biggest waste ofNHS money ever. I was shocked to find out they have some training- based on their ignorance i thought the were volunteers who had done a weekend course or similar.

Most are like this but some aren’t.

When I had my eldest I had a horrid one. She was pretty ‘old school’ about things, rude, intrusive. It put me off them.

When I had my youngest the lady was lovely. She was really down to earth. Felt like I could really relate and she didn’t feel judged. I only met her a couple of times but it really did help!

Omg me too myself2020! I just googled and saw they are nurses of midwives who have done EXTRA training. Fuck me. There is something going seriously awry in the further training.

HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz

They are there to offer you support, not to check up on you, until the child is 5.

my HV was brilliant. warm, relaxed, funny. Great lady. Also a prescriber so saved me a a couple of doctor's trips regarding minor ailments.

She had to call me once, after I'd attended A&E due to DC2 picking up a razor I'd forgotten to put away after shaving in the bath. She was really great - said that they'd had a standard referral to check safety in the home, and she was closing it immediately without a further visit as she had no concerns.

How do you refuse a HV appointment? As in how do they actually try and make one with you in the first place? Do they just turn up at houses when they know someone's had a baby? DC is 12 and I'm having another soon but can't remember about any of this stuff 🙈

My friends HV told her that letting the baby cry for more than 30 seconds causes irreparable damage and destroys their soul.

They are there to offer you support, not to check up on you, until the child is 5.

Well, yes, safeguarding isn't checking up on you is it? SWs are there for safeguarding children and vulnerable adults and supporting their families, but the priority is the child/vulnerable adult. I thought this was the case with HVs whereas MWs are there for the mums. Happy to be corrected and thank you for taking the time to share your expertise .

Health visitors are nurses or midwives who have done specific training to become one.

I’m a nurse and briefly considered becoming a HV then quickly changed my mind when I saw how hated they were on here. Plus a lot of their work is taken up with safeguarding.

I’ve had a mixed bag, some were utterly useless but a couple were lovely. I didn’t really bother with them with my second child.

Mine was lovely, warm and always handing out compliments, genuinely seeming interested in the baby. I had the same for 2dc.

It's not an easy job, especially in these days of dr google. I imagine when info was harder to find, they were much more valued.

Being university educated also doesn't stop you from making mistakes btw!

HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz

I don’t think they’re ‘there for the child’. They’re there to support the parent with parenting the child so it’s healthy, which is subtly different. And it isn’t about safeguarding.

@HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz my theory is that they are nurses who were to dangerous to keep as nurses, and get moved to health visitors- less chance of actively killing somebody. There is no other explanation of the utter ignorance i‘ve encountered

Nice to see some people had good ones!
I'd only heard bad things recently, but that might also be because people love to tell pregnant ladies their horror stories.