To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

I loved both my health visitors. The HV for my first kid was male and so funny. He was great; just did all the baby checks (neck strength, training etc) but didn't ask to see around the house or tey ot teach me how to parents or question my parenting. He was very chilled out, and it was so easy to ask him questions.

The HV for my 2nd was a lovely woman. My ex had left when I was pregnant and she was a pillar of support for me. She wasnt intrusive, the only odd question she ever asked was the number of bedrooms in my house but she never asked to see any of them. She was really good at helping me and pointing me towards different services and she was so great at playing with my toddler so I could feed the baby if she happened to come in during feeding time. I never noticed any rudeness or pushiness or anything over the line.

Actually, thinking back to dd1 my hv then was also very nice and exceptionally helpful. Maybe, just maybe, it's not the hv that is the problem?

Gosh, some unlucky people on here. We had a lovely one who made a referral for DS to community paeds and to the continence nurse for DD, and who reminded us to tell nursery about DD's Mongolian blue spot.

Yes they are pretty useless in my experience. With DS1, who was prem, the HV didn't know anything about prem babies and gave me information based on a full term baby which was completely irrelevant to DS. Obviously he wouldn't have been meeting any of the typical milestones as he wasn't even supposed to have been born yet! She turned up unannounced 5 days after DS was born, who was still in hospital obviously, saying she'd heard I'd had a baby and came to check in on us. I said, "Err well he's not here. He's still in hospital what with being 9 weeks premature" she didn't even come in. She said she'd be back once DS was home and that was it! Didn't see her again until 7 weeks later once he came home.

With DD, the HV was very lovely and polite but the information was very patronising. Don't let the cat sit on the baby. Make sure that phone charger is put away (yes because 10 day old DD is itching to jump out my arms and use it as a skipping rope)

How do you refuse them? Mine was booked in as I was leaving the hospital from what I vaguely remember.

suziedoozy

I agree...I found them all totally patronising. I felt all the time as if I was being spoken to like a very vulnerable 16 year old too.

My HV was lovely, but I've heard of others that were less than professional. A friend's HV told her she needed to put her 5 month old EBF baby on a diet - friend is a consultant paediatrician, and politely yet firmly told the HV that her advice was dangerous nonsense.

I can imagine them being helpful to some people who don't have a support network and may be vulnerable but although mine was perfectly nice she didn't tell me anything I hadn't already researched for myself and some of her info. was actually not accurate.

But to answer the question, I suspect YANBU. I went to a horrible comp and it seems like all the really thick bitchy girls became hairdressers, nursery workers or nurses. Some of those nurses might have become the HVs from hell that many people complain of. They scraped through the exams somehow but I'd be surprised if they ever learnt common sense or empathy.

It's like any profession I think, you get good ones and bad ones. Also there are some people who don't really need health visitors so those people are more likely to find them useless/patronising.

With my 4th, he had so many professionals anyway I didn't feel I needed the hv as well although it was easier to let her come round and weigh him twice a week and tell me that I had a lot on my plate than to argue.

With dc5 when I had a poorly toddler, poorly husband, a newborn and 3 older dc. The hv's were great and so supportive. The main thing I needed then was for someone to care about me and ask how I was feeling. The hv's were brilliant at that. They rang me every day when dh was in hospital to check I was ok. They told me I was doing a brilliant job and they made me a cup of tea when I made it to baby clinic.

IME, as a HCP, HV are either burnt out MW or nurses that are too young to retire and they become HV to protect their pensions. They take that route before they general incompetence and negligence kills someone.

*their

My DD's HV came to visit 3 weeks after GDs was born, she hadn't read her notes as he was still in the hospital being 7 weeks prem. She told DD she will come back when he's home.
Dgs is nearly 15, HV still not visited do you think she might come now.
DD only saw HV at the weighting clinic, mentioned that no HV had been and was told that they only come and visit if they think there would be a problem.

I just remembered a friend whose baby was born with fairly severe issues including serious vision and hearing problems. The baby was under the care of a specialist pediatrician team from birth, my friend was very well informed about her baby's particular needs. The HV knew all this but kept telling my friend she was "concerned" because the baby wasn't responding to her voice or telling my friend the baby should be tracking objects is she doing that yet? Despite my friend explaining her medical issues and that she was already under specialist care.

@PanamaPattie that is my suspicion as well

My HV friends switched from nursing because health visiting is more family friendly.

One of the HVs tried to give me not only wrong but very dangerous advice. She remembered that my DS (4 months) had a milk allergy (CMPA), made the explicit comment "Oh he has a milk allergy doesn't he?" immediately followed by "Oh you'll just have to feed him yogurt and cheese and things like lasagna instead". I pointed out that all her suggestions contained milk and just smiled and nodded at the rest of her incorrect advice for the rest of the appt until she left.

My first one was really nice. The second one was a bit shit. She was like an old fashioned school matron. I remember asking her something about weaning (can't remember what) and she wrote down a recipe for macaroni cheese for me..no idea why....and gave me the impression she thought I wouldn't know how to make such a thing. It was very odd. Neither of my health visitors asked to see the bedrooms thank goodness though!

I find them intrusive and don't like them visiting.

With our first I found the HV condescending and rude and her "advice" was either wrong or unhelpful.

Now expecting No.2 and had the home visit again with the same HV as before which I didn't really see the need for as she "knows" us. However this time we have a dog which she seems to have a problem with

Mine was useless too. Patronising, not very warm, box ticker. Sorry but I needed someone who'd had their own children or at least worked as a nanny/nursery assistant who could give hands on advice not theory from a book. She completely missed my PND and wouldn't have been someone I confided in anyway. She later of course became the area manager for the service.

I withdrew after 6 weeks. We had a lovely one to start with, but then she was replaced. I can take my kid to see hv at a clinic if I need, but I do find most condescending, patronising and yes intrusive. I wrote a thread about being asked lots of questions when I attended a children centre play session. I pretty much got flamed and most people agreed I should expect such treatment. As soon as they found out I was a professional they backed off tough, I think they hold quite stereotypical attitudes about class and people's ability to look after their children.

my theory is that they are nurses who were to dangerous to keep as nurses, and get moved to health visitors- less chance of actively killing somebody. There is no other explanation of the utter ignorance i‘ve encountered

Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!

Tell you what...sit in for a year in the extra training they have and then try saying that again.

That said...there is no excuse for some of the ignorance or judgement shown by some HVs. It’s why I chose to STOP being a HV as I just couldn’t stand some of the people I worked with. These people have studied to degree level ffs...they are supposed to understand statistics and epidemiology for example but ....

Am shocked that any HV asks to look round the home.

I am here to tell you that I was the HV dedicated to messy women and people everywhere. I simply can’t do it....I struggle with housework. If I met other parents like me I know how hard it is to let people in when you may feel judged. The last thing I’d ask is to look round knowing they’ve made an effort with likely the kitchen, lol and living room by chucking stuff elsewhere until I had gone,

To be frank unless a house was filthy I simply didn’t notice mess, clutter etc. Most houses I visited had more than one child and had the resultant stuff about,

To be honest most of my work was visiting families where there were significant child protection issues. Neglect, sexual abuse, physical abuse, addiction etc etc etc. Feeding onto social services, attending court if needed. However I did work in an area with a high child protection risk.

It’s a pretty thankless job most of the time. For example if your child is subject to child protection stuff then the HV is often asked to carry out regular visits. The parents in these situations tend to hate anyone they see as in “authority” and they don’t want to see you but HAVE to as social services have said they must.

It’s a shit job much of the time and I was glad to leave. VirginCare have now taken over the service in my area and I hear they are appalling to work for.

Ive seen mine once so far for a home check and I'll be refusing a visit after my birth as the one i had was totally useless and so annoying! Glad im not the only one

I was very grateful for my health visitors. 1st DC I had a very experienced woman who gave me some practical help on why the heck she cried all the time. 2nd DC she just popped her head in, checked we were both okay and went on her merry way.
I was grateful for the contact especially the first time and thought they were kind people.

I think it’s a lot of person/area/attitude..

Fortunately mine is lovely, she’s actually willing to listen if I’ve learned something myself that she’s not aware of yet and has never once been patronising. Never looked anywhere beyond my living room and she’s walked into my house covered in scaffolding 3 times in 6months..

We live in the nicer area about 12 miles away from my df, we went to the same school and lived in the worst area locally our youth so neither of us are snobby, she’s chose to live more central and to afford it is in a rougher area.. absolutely fine compared to where we grew up but I suppose that’s relative our experiences.

She’s had three health visitors who all act like she buttons up the back, her dp has been accused of dv by one who kept then leaving little lip balms with women’s aids number on them at every visit. They never stuck to appointments, like I’d get half 12ish and she’d get Thursday afternoon. Going on about hand washing after changing nappies to a woman who works in care.. like nah I was going to lick the shit off? . A very uppity better than you attitude in general. And really there’s no concerns.. her dp has a degree of hearing loss, hence why he’s always shouting.. he can’t hear himself for a start but apparently his constant raised voice was a risk.

My one said how "weird" it was that my son wasn't eating solids - who says that! This is supposed to be a health professional. I saw a few different ones and was really unimpressed by most. This seems to be the consensus so clearly something is very wrong with the set up or training of this profession. No issues at all with the range of mid-wives that I saw?