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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

608 replies

Moomin8 · 27/12/2019 13:29

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby Hmm she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

OP posts:
HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz · 27/12/2019 13:52

I’m a nurse and briefly considered becoming a HV then quickly changed my mind when I saw how hated they were on here. Plus a lot of their work is taken up with safeguarding.

And it isn’t about safeguarding.

Well, it is a BIT, no?

Minai · 27/12/2019 13:53

They seem so hit and miss.

The one who came round when my eldest was born was awful. She’d told me I’d failed him because I wasn’t breastfeeding (despite the fact that I had literally no colostrum/milk due to an awful pph) but she didn’t care about that. Her comments were so hurtful and made me feel terrible for a long time.

The one who came round after ds2 was born was lovely, then I saw a different one when he was 8 weeks for a check and she was horrible. She said it was my fault he wasn’t smiling yet as I didn’t interact with him enough (don’t know where she got that from as I’d been interacting with him plenty during the visit) and seemed to have a bee in her bonnet about the short age gap between my children and kept going on about how hard it was on both of them despite me saying it had been fine so far and how well ds1 was doing. She was determined to put a negative spin on everything it was bizarre. I didn’t bother with health visitors after that.

nevermorelenore · 27/12/2019 13:53

I also thought that myself2020. I assumed they did a short course at college or something. All they seem to do is weigh babies and try to get you to to to the crap local children's centre. If you actually ask them for advice, they tell you it's not something they can cover and you need to see a GP.

I tried to turn down the health visitor visits when I had my second. They put a massive guilt trip on me and hinted they'd need to contact social services. I got out of the prenatal visit but had to let them do the two postnatal visits so they could see I'm not of any concern.

HenryTheHorseDancesTheWaltz · 27/12/2019 13:55

Mine were mainly fine though I have to say. One very nice, but a bit scatty, the other less nice and also scatty. Only really engaged with me when I let her talk about her plans to leave the profession and start her own business 😂.

But I bet, like all things, you get some wonderful ones and I also imagine that the poor ones are actually good people and maybe were excellent nurses but there's something else going wrong in the system. Don't know. They certainly don't have a good reputation for some reason.

blitzen · 27/12/2019 13:55

This reply has been deleted

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Muckyboots1 · 27/12/2019 13:55

The one I got with my first was straight out of the 1950s. I kept laughing at her jokes, then realised she wasn't trying to be funny

The one I had with my youngest was lovely. She was a student, about fifteen Grin and very clued up on the science and research around the guidelines. Lovely girl.

Raver84 · 27/12/2019 13:56

Why get so het up about nothing they come and see you l what 3 times? Just let them weigh the baby and give you some leaflets and leave. I've 4 children and never found them intrusive they are doing their job.

DoveBlue · 27/12/2019 13:56

My HV was useless. Had never been HV for twins before but she had her own baby 4 yrs ago so sure she could answer my questions Hmm
I asked her if once babies started to roll could they sleep in same cot still. Was worried one would roll on the other in night. She chatted about general sleep advice and when pushed said she would let me know. Twins in pre-school now and still waiting for her to come back with that safe sleeping advice.
She couldn't answer any of my breastfeeding questions about twins e.g. whether to switch boobs every feed (don't do this!!), tandem feed positions etc.
She was so up herself or at least that was how it felt to a new mum of twins who was terrified. As every question she seemed to just dismiss (I think because she didn't know and was too arrogant to ask a colleague).
I gave up with HV and joined fb groups for multiples got amazing advice on breastfeeding and surviving in general!

Slightlydisillusioned · 27/12/2019 13:58

I found the visit to my home less than useless....the HV asked the same questions and didn't listen to what I had said so much that my lovelyMIL told her off for not listening and wasting my time when I should be resting! At the clinic again, mostly useless. DD needed to have a BCG done before travelling and I was told no they wouldn't do the referral becuause I was white I couldnt have come from a high risk group in the area I live in. I politely told her that TB doesnt descriminte on terms of skin colour so I was pretty sure that she needed to make the referal. She didnt. A few weeks later a very helpful male HV did the referral and apologised!

GrumpyHoonMain · 27/12/2019 13:59

I didn’t like the idea of a HV looking at my bedroom either but my HV said they only check sleeping arrangements when the MW has passed on a suspicion that the parents may not be taking advice seriously (or some other concern for example older or younger mum with lots of kids older mum / teen mum / multi-occupancy rental property).

snowball28 · 27/12/2019 13:59

I’ve had one really amazing one for my two youngest and one that was a bit meh for my eldest.

There’s a few HV in my family (and they are excellent) so the near constant hate really pisses me off, people seem to love to hate them like they do with social workers.

doublebarrellednurse · 27/12/2019 14:00

Is it not like any other profession in that you'll get good and shit ones?

Their background as nurses (before their Masters top up to HV) will dictate a lot of their approach I would imagine too. A nurse with a background in surgical care who converts to HV will be very different to a MH nurse who converts to HV. Different bedside approaches etc based on their experience.

I lied through my teeth to the last one I had so never received the support I needed but that was on me. This time round my MW has been terrible. Scatty and all over the shop generally. Changes appointments without telling me which when I have to leave work for them isn't all that helpful!

Maybe because I am a HCP (and it says so on my notes) they haven't been patronising so far though.

DoveBlue · 27/12/2019 14:00

However on balance there was a lovely HV at the weight clinic that let me take the buggy in against the rules so I had somewhere safe for other baby to be while dressing/undressing other one. But it was a big area with lots of mums so not somewhere I felt comfy asking more personal questions than what nappy cream do you recommend.

Singlebutmarried · 27/12/2019 14:00

Mine was horrid I asked her to leave after she asked if my husband beat me and was I sure the dog wouldn’t eat the baby.

Also wake them to feed every 4 hours or they’ll die.

First and last visit.

LittleReindeer · 27/12/2019 14:01

My HV said it was her responsibility to ensure my child was safeguarded until he goes to school, at which point the school will take over the responsibility of keeping an eye on him. I tried to refuse her visits but she said she’d have to inform social services that I’d denied her access and she was “unable to verify” the safety of my child. Because it’s a red flag if I refuse access and if I have nothing to hide I should just let her in.

isabellerossignol · 27/12/2019 14:01

I've 4 children and never found them intrusive they are doing their job.

Depends how you view intrusive I suppose. I wouldn't find it intrusive to be asked where my baby sleeps or if I knew about the ideal temperature for the room and that sort of thing. But if they were wanting to inspect the house I'd find it pretty intrusive.

zaffa · 27/12/2019 14:01

My HV is amazing. She's calm and listens to me, talks me through any concerns I have and specifically paid attention when there was a concern I was suffering from post natal anxiety - she was nothing but supportive.
I think it's a fantastic service, to come into the home to offer practical advice. I never felt judged or that she was looking for something to complain about - I just think she was there to help and support and that's how I've come away feeling.

user1493413286 · 27/12/2019 14:01

My health visitor was lovely, I saw her more because I had a prem baby and although I felt her advice wasn’t always relevant she was generally helpful. I would say that so much has changed in the last 10 years I’m not surprised she said she’d treat you like it was your first as my DH was shocked at how much had changed since his DD was born

Skinnychip · 27/12/2019 14:02

I had experience of really bossy ones and really lovely ones. When I had DC1 and I was weaning I looked for all the signs and DD wasn't interested in food or showing any signs of being more hungry or ready for solids. At the time the advice was wean at 4-6 months. As I was a first time mum I went quite regularly to weigh ins etc and every week from 17 weeks the HV would be on my case - had I started weaning yet? I would say no and she would keep badgering me. 3 years later when DC 2 came along the advice was wait til 6 months. Same HV was berating me as I started 2 weeks to early!!!

churchandstate · 27/12/2019 14:04

Well, it is a BIT, no?

Every professional who works with children has a safeguarding element to their role. It’s not the purpose of their role, however. The purpose is support.

Comps83 · 27/12/2019 14:04

Well my one and only encounter wasn’t great
Turned up totally unannounced on my doorstep
Very rushed and I didn’t take anything in as I felt ambushed and dh was on his way home to take me to a hospital appt
That was when I was 36 weeks and I’ve heard nothing since and I’m now overdue

ballsdeep · 27/12/2019 14:04

I really liked mine she was lovely. She was helpful and if she needed to find anything out she'd ring me straight away.
I was disappointed to find they had disbanded the local hv so now we don't get one specifically for our child, they now all share a central office and just work through names.

formerbabe · 27/12/2019 14:05

I found them incredibly patronising and they speak to everyone as if they're vulnerable, very young and uneducated....I remember asking one if my baby needed vitamin d supplements? Her answer was to continually ask me if I was on benefits...I wasn't but that's irrelevant. I kept repeating to her that I wanted to know the answer based purely on my baby's potential physical requirement for a supplement not based on what I was or wasn't entitled to for free. I told her if he needed one, I was more than happy to pay. In the end I gave up asking her, it was an unbearably difficult conversation.

GreenGrove · 27/12/2019 14:05

@myself2020 health visitors are registered midwives/ nurses who've gone back to university to specialise in health visiting

Constantlurker · 27/12/2019 14:06

I had about 3 different HV's for my first baby and honestly found them all to be utterly wonderful. They were kind, gentle, very caring and truly made a difference with their advice and care. I've also heard the horror stories so know they are out there - but wanted to say there are also some diamonds.

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