To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

Ah interesting. I only found mine pleasent. Neither asked to see my rooms etc. One chatted to me about her own children and made me feel she was a friend.

What does annoy me is the following.

*Only wanted to promote breast feeding and midwives never spoke to me about bottle feeding. The health visitors also asked what made me choose it.

*The constant change in guidelines. With my DD it was wean at 6 months. With my son it was between 6-8 months. My nephew who's 13 was weaned at 4 months. Same with making up bottles. They used to be made up in the fridge. Then it was make them up fresh. Yet ten years ago babies had them made up in advance.

As I say I've never found them a problem but I do think they change the guidelines far too often. Also they only show up twice in those early weeks. So if a mum is breaking down 4 months in and struggling nobody is popping around to check baby and mum. Sometimes it seems a pointless thing in that respect. Mums don't only need support for the first six weeks necessarily x

I use a room one day a week which is used by the HVs - they are incredibly inconsiderate and I regularly have to clear up the crap they leave out after themselves - and are quite affronted if I ask them to clear up after themselves.

I've had 3. All were lovely. Not at all invasive. Kind and reassuring.

One of them noticed a potentially fatall issue with my daughter I went straight to the GP who did nothing just said wait and see if it gets worse she rang paeds herself and we were seen the next day. The HV was right. We were with paeds for the next 5 years. Highly possible my DD would have died without the HV intervention.

My actual HV was lovely, she went above and beyond and I'll always be grateful for the first few months after my youngest dd was born when I had PND.
However I have met some other HVs at baby clinics and some of them wasnt great.
I was told by one that my PND must of gone as I had make up on a part of my PND was trying to be perfect and that included what people thought of me.
She couldnt of been further from the truth.
But I guess it's like any profession you get some you gel with and some you dont, also get some brilliant ones and then not so.

I've never really understood the point of them. I politely declined their services following the pre-birth visit with my third when she advised me to not leave baby unattended on a changing table and not to leave bleach out. I had neither a changing table or bleach at that point so presume it must be a parrot line they use.

They have all been nice but a bit wet and simpering and I'm not in to all that fluffy cutesy stuff so it's all a bit lost on me. They were fine when I declined any further involvement.

I've had a mixed bag. Some lovely, some not so - some very old fashioned. One told me my 6 month old should be on 3 meals a day - I had literally only just started weaning him and he wasn't interested in food til 9 months. He would never accept spoon feeding and prefered finger food he could feed himself with. I asked the HV for suggestions of finger food I could give him and she looked blankly at me and her only suggestion was bread sticks!

When doing my nurse training I spent some time working with a health visitor. About 3/4 of her work was taken up with safe-guarding. The general check ups with 'low risk' mothers were done by HV assistants.

My health visitor is lovely and has been a great support as I haven't had an easy ride. Not once has she been condescending, imposing, pushed her opinions or inspected anything.

There are some brilliant HV (worked with a few) and some who absolutely let the power go to their heads. It's well known it attracts middle class white women from privileged backgrounds. And therefor they often see things a certain way that isn't necessarily culturally or economically sensitive. You don't have to have a visit, I think more people should refuse. My last one would randomly ring, pop round, and talk all about herself for an hour plus while I was managing multiple children, my own business etc. But I also know one of her colleagues finds her very and says she gets the easy cases as her clinical skills and ability to actually do safeguarding are suspect at best. So in a strange way I was happy she was paired with me as I didn't need extra support.

Dd's HV turned up half an hour late for the first appointment and laughed when dd mentioned it saying she was always late. She was twenty five minutes late for the second appointment. Dd declined her weighing baby as he'd just been fed so she made another appointment to weigh the baby. She turned up 45 minutes late for the third appointment dd opened the door told her it wasn't convenient and she has never seen her since.

We were actually pretty lucky both times. Neither checked the house beyond what they could see on being led to the lounge. With my eldest, we literally moved in the day of the ten day check. She came, empathised with all the unpacking we needed to do around having a new baby and let us know about local clinics etc.

With my second, we had a pre-baby appointment. It was a different HV, but she was actually lovely. She asked about my experiences with my eldest and checked my knowledge on putting the baby down etc. She came back after he was born and was equally helpful.

My bigger issue was that due to the cuts in services, when we did hit a problem, it was virtually impossible to get hold of a HV and there was little support available.

I went to a horrible comp and it seems like all the really thick bitchy girls became hairdressers, nursery workers or nurses.

Which one of the three did you end up being with all of your kindness and empathy?

This is a nasty thread although it's comforting to know that it's not only teachers that get a bashing on MN

My experience with HVs (I've got three DC) has always been positive.

I had 5 children and 4 HV's. The HV with my first child was wonderful. I loved her to bits. When she retired I had another lovely lady, K. With baby number 2 I had two HV's, neither of which made much of an impression on me. Baby number 3 I had horrendous PND which kicked in within half an hour of delivery. I was so relived when it turned out that K was my HV. She recognised that I was struggling, explained to my mum what was going on, contacted the GP and got me an appointment and was an amazing support.

She was my HV for my last two children as well and although I didn't need the same support it was so reassuring to know that if I became ill she was around.

When the time came for my youngest to be signed off from the HV service (her last development check at age 3) we both cried when we said goodbye!

Mixed. TBH looking back now, when I went to them about baby who was very poor sleeper (broken nights until he was 2) and cried with colic incessantly, I think they should have given better support. They patted me on the back and thought I was exaggerating I think. We did coped but it could easily have been different in me and DH had not have had the resilience required. It could have pushed some families over the edge.

They should have flagged with GP - I suspect he may have had something like silent reflux. Colic doesn't go on for 6 months - or does it?

Have to say, sadly, they did seem busy with child protection/abuse cases which they said were very high part of caseload in our rural town. Found that quite shocking. It also made me feel a bit guilty for asking for support about feeds/sleeps.

One was very nice - but as I said lip service 'advice' and weighing really. Breasetfeeding got told something different by every single professional. Le Leche and Mumsnet way better on specific help.

Interesting!I thought perhaps things might have changed since when I had my first child 34 years ago. I had a visit from the HV when I was 7 months pregnant, having just given up work. At the time we were living in a cottage. She upset me on two counts, firstly as I had been working up until that time, I hadn't had time to buy all the required equipment for the baby's arrival, she left me in a state of sheer panic which in retrospect was ridiculous because we had acres of time to get all those things together which we did. She also told me that I didn't have sufficient drying space for the baby's clothes kitchen equipped with washing machine, central heating, a garden, (son was born in May) so we had the summer, spare bedroom for an airer. I was completely green at the time, my husband was of the opinion, that some of these women enjoyed upsetting new mothers and later on down the line I met mothers whose babies were second and subsequent children who told me some HV could be pretty horrible. Why I don't understand why a person doing such a job would think it was okay to leave any prospective mother in a troubled state after their visit.

Mine was useless and gave advice which had I followed it could have seriously harmed my baby. After my third child died at birth (just the one death, but third baby), she turned up with no notice and demanded to see my children to give them bereavement counselling (she'd done a course, don't you know). When I refused she made a complaint about me to SS and showed my confidential medical records to someone who had no business seeing them. Broadly speaking I'm a pacifist, but that woman has a face I could never tire of slapping.

Unsurprisingly, I declined all contact with HV's for my subsequent children. I just wasn't prepared to take the risk that they aren't all cunts.

I went to a horrible comp and it seems like all the really thick bitchy girls became hairdressers, nursery workers or nurses

So which one are you @Charlottejbt? Nurse, nursery worker or hairdresser?

Oh and lots of the HVs had switched from nursing due to the M-F 8 hour shifts. Although one told me she was considering going back to nursing due to the massive amount of paperwork she ended up having to do in her own time.

"People who look for support online are going to be generally against RL support, so the representation of HV's on MN is going to be poor. "

Bit of an odd assumption.

My HV is ok but I do think they are doing a box ticking exercise.

I thought mine was a bit useless and wet. But I think most healthcare 'professionals' find it difficult engaging with someone else who's also a professional in their own right.

I got the opinion that they were mostly used to people that would be at home on Jeremy Kyle and a professional adult in their own right totally flummoxed them.

I declined for my second DD too. The first one was such a pita, you must do this, you must do that, yadda yadda. I politely told her that I would not, and thanked her for her time. Never heard from her again, so no idea what she put on her reports..... probably that I was a pita too .

My HV was wonderful and literally saved my life. I love her.

I had the same HV for all 3 DC (eldest now 32 youngest 26). Complete waste of space and had a habit of calling unannounced!

My youngest has Cerebral Palsy and the HV 'helpfully ' told me of another local baby who had CP at birth but now at a year old no longer had CP. yeah whatever !!

As a young mum it didn't enter my head to refuse to see her. And I'm sure if I had she would have made things difficult but now would not hesitate to refuse visits.

I remember as a teenager my mum throwing a hv out
She was horrific told me my baby was overdressed and could die of cot death then told me at 10 days old I should be planning nights out and bottle feeding and to act like a normal teenager otherwise she had concerns about my parenting

She was out the door pretty quick I was crying and dm was furious 🤣

I've seen fantastic work done by HVs: safeguarding, DA, kicking the arse of adult social care when a mum with disabilities is struggling, and with housing when families are stuck in one room in temp accommodation with a baby that's growing rapidly.

When I was doing frontline work, I was mighty relieved when a family had an HV. They are far more on it than the family aides children's services send in to support families.

They can be a bit on the fierce side, I agree, but I think they're generally excellent.