To think that Health visitors are a certain annoying breed generally?

[Moomin8]

I've just had my 4th baby and the health visitor came the other day. I found her really annoying and rude. First of all she came walking into my living room in her dirty boots and got mud all over my newly cleaned carpet.

My youngest before dc4 is 10 years old and the HV said she was going to therefore talk to me as if I'd never actually had a baby she also wanted to look in my bedroom - I told her no.

Then I thought back to my older dc and their HVs and realised they are all pretty much the same whereas midwives, when they visit are really nice and helpful usually and don't speak to you as though you're an idiot. I'm a 39 year old university educated person and I find these people intrusive and annoying.

What is it with health visitors?

HVs are there to catch the babies that go home to a dangerous environment. Part of that is assessing the home and the mum. It’s done under the guise of ‘advising new mums’. But they are not really relevant for most people.

I've had two brilliant health visitors although I know that's pretty good luck and not the usual standard, unfortunately. My first health visitor was probably the thin line between my sanity and slipping into pnd. I was so thankful somebody had seen through my 'fake it till you make it' reflex.

I didn't like my hv either. I was giving my DD her lunch during her 9 month health check and after as I was wiping her hands thoroughly with a baby wipe she pipes up almost shrilly "be careful with her!!!!" It was utterly ridiculous and rather insulting.

My SIL is a health visitor. She is lovely. As is my HV. People who look for support online are going to be generally against RL support, so the representation of HV's on MN is going to be poor.

Also, most of them are registered nurses or midwives so yes they do have training. Excellent training.

Yes some are shit, as are some MW's, Dr's etc.

My SIL (always very careful to be very vague and would never breach confidentiality) has to go into some horrific homes, with very neglected children, mentally ill and drug / alcohol dependant parents. She has been threatened, as has her family, with murder / arson etc. This is all in a very typical MN "naice" area, not in a big city.

HV's have very little power but referral to SS. They are bound to do the donkey work of looking around houses and bringing up any red flags as early on as possible.

Mine did mention to keep talking and spending time with my DH. I found it irritating at the time but it was sound advice because we all know how overwhelming the newborn phase is and when I started telling my husband how I actually felt we were much better able to share the emotional load.

That turned into a bigger rant than I expected.

I've been really lucky my HV was great, friendly and ultimately saved DC1 life when she picked up on undiagnosed head growth that my GP had originally dismissed. Luckily an urgent referral to Alder Hey and DC was operated on in under a week of HV requesting an emergency referral. I will always be greatful to her.

Yes, that's sort of what I'd read on here before HappySpud. It makes sense and is an important service, but I think that they dress it up as support for parents when it is mainly not about that?

Also, just based on my experiences with them, they do seem that way, but maybe I've been less lucky. My lovely one just ran through the checks in a "sorry, I have to ask" kind of way. The less lovely one asked me before I gave birth if I'd suffered any bereavements lately. I calmly said "yes, my mum died just under a year ago", you know, to answer her question, as any normal person would. I was hardly breaking down and sobbing about it randomly. Without drawing breath she said "well, remember you have a baby to look after". It makes me laugh now tbh as it was so fucking outrageous. Eyeroll.

The only good one I’ve had was the CONI HV (Care Of Next Infant) who worked alongside The Lullaby Trust and I participated in their subsequent baby research (DDs half brother on her Dads side died from SIDS).

ExDH was an abusive bastard to me (and he’s fucked off whilst I was pregnant) and I had no idea until I met her. I saw her weekly for 6 months then fortnight for the next 6 months to do all the paperwork and observations etc for the research. She sent me to Womens Aid and other really useful places.

@GreenGrove i know, it is shocking. i met 3, 2 were useless, one downright dangerous. whatever they learned in their courses, they’ve done their best to ignore it.
Some quotes:

• breastfed babies don’t grow,
• mothers need to stay home or work maximum parttime until school age
• asked me if there was domestic violence in the family in front of my husband (stupid cow!)
• told me weigh in clinics were only if you had real worries , not just for checking weight
• babies should be exposed to chickenpox early (she let a child with chickenpox in to play during a weighting clinic)

Mine was wonderfully supportive and I think it likely that she saved me from pnd. Thank you Sara, if you on on here.
The midwife that manhandled me after emcs and was horrid about breast feeding,on the other hand

I am right in thinking that they are meant to make appointments? Mine turned up the first day of my maternity leave and was lucky to catch me in

my theory is that they are nurses who were to dangerous to keep as nurses, and get moved to health visitors- less chance of actively killing somebody. There is no other explanation of the utter ignorance i‘ve encountered

You honestly can't be serious?

My HVs were brilliant when I had my children. They weren't ignorant, or intrusive or condescending. They were both worth their weight in gold, tbh.

HVs are there to catch the babies that go home to a dangerous environment. Part of that is assessing the home and the mum.

Weirdly when my two sisters had babies fairly close together, the one who had the 'normal' home life (stable marriage, supportive husband, clean and tidy house) was scrutinised very very closely by her health visitor and made to feel very inadequate. Whereas the other one, who had an abusive husband, post natal depression (not surprising considering the car crash that was her life) and lived in a hovel so filthy that there was dog crap in the living room, had a health visitor who dismissed it all with a breezy 'oh, everyone finds it hard to keep the house tidy. I'm sure you'll be fine'.

If only they had each had the other's health visitor

They are a massive waste of nhs money it should be put into social services instead I’ve had 3 kids in 3 different areas and 1 child who needed extra heating tests and every single one of them has been at best, useless and at worst- damaging

My hv is spectacular. She helped me leave my abusive husband.

Looking back, my house was absolutely fine but I thought if they saw a single thing out of place or a single speck of dust they'd think I wasn't coping so instead of just sitting on the sofa chilling with my new baby, I'd spend my time before they were due to visit dusting the windowsills...really wish looking back I hadn't have bothered.

HVs are there to catch the babies that go home to a dangerous environment. Part of that is assessing the home and the mum. It’s done under the guise of ‘advising new mums’. But they are not really relevant for most people.

That just isn’t true. They are there to help parents. You can call them if you are worried about your child’s weight, appetite, development, movement - anything at all, really. Assessing the home when a child’s is discharged from hospital is a tiny part of their role.

I had two who were really lovely, helpful and supportive. Always happy to answer questions, and never made me feel patronised or stupid.

I also had one who was awful. DS was premature and she couldn't get her head around the idea that this meant he wouldn't reach all milestones at his chronological age. She referred him to see a paediatrician three times - the same one who had been caring for him since his time in SCBU - which annoyed him (the consultant) so much he wrote to her saying he was insulted that she was effectively doubting his professional judgement. She left us alone after that.

I quickly learned that they weren't able to answer any questions I had, so I just nodded and smiled and never had another visit. I think they probably do have lists to check so something will trigger off a wish to check out baby's room or a look under the sink. If it catches one or two people who might otherwise do something daft, it's better to play along isn't it.

HVs are there to catch the babies that go home to a dangerous environment

Aren't the midwives for that? I had midwife visits for 3 weeks, I am sure they would have reported if they had concerns I was going to mistreat my ds.

I think any kind of home visit is intrusive - and at any age. DS's school didn't do it, but I would have hated a teacher coming round to see if you were a nice middle class family with lots of books (even though we do have lots of books).

Many years ago the HV came to see my DD. HV then stated that DD should be "at least crawling by now" (DD used to do belly shuffle army commando style). HV then gave me a leaflet with the ages children should reach their milestones...I showed it to DD and said "read this, this is what you're supposed to be doing because all babies do the same things at the same time apparently". That was the last visit I allowed and DD never did crawl but became a bum shuffler.

Oh and at my dds two year check up, I was concerned she hadn't reached a particular milestone...turned out she had sn, but I flagged it up to the health visitor who dismissed my concerns and patronisingly asked if I ever took her out and if I brushed her teeth...ffs. I took her to the gp about the issue I needed help with and received relevant help and support.

I’ve had one useless and one brilliant HV myself.

A friend who is a FTM to twins born just over a month early got reprimanded because the twins aren’t sitting at 6 months and clearly it was her fault. My full term first baby didn’t sit til just after 6 months. My friend was really worried.

I think there is way too much variation with health visitors, and way too many that let personal opinion get involved

My first HV meeting pre-baby could have been a scene from a comedy, she spoke to me like I was 16 and had accidentally got pregnant - I’m in my 40s, married for 20 years!! She used lots of small words and it was one of the most hysterical experiences of my life!

At the end of the session she asked me about maternity leave, I mentioned how long I was taking off from my PhD and her tone totally changed!!!

She was trying hard and nice in her own way but presumed that I was illiterate & not very bright which I found most entertaining.

Second visit she asked if I was ok with husband looking after baby - he was standing in the kitchen holding the baby at the time in full view of her....

I am sure they are very useful, and essential for some families but I found it more for comedic value than anything useful!

My HV was amazing! So YABU. It was 12 years between my last two and it felt like I was starting from scratch. She didn't go looking around my rooms but she was so helpful and couldn't help enough when I needed advice.

My health visitor was brilliant, and goodness knows I needed her to be, because I'd never held a baby before I had one and knew nothing about motherhood. She was still there when DC2 was born, but I needed her less. This was in the good old days before Baby P and the modern era of arse-covering, so you could speak frankly and ask questions. When I had DC3 I'm pretty sure I didn't have a HV, but I don't remember why. I think the really good HV had left the job by then, and some of the midwives I'd met had been rude and unsupportive, so perhaps there seemed no point. In the present climate, there's no way any "safeguarding" person is coming into my house without a warrant. It's just not worth it.