Ending a relationship because of my snoring

[Sally99]

I slept in the spare room last night so that my partner could have a decent night's sleep away from my snoring. Christmas Eve I'd kept waking up to him almost begging "darling, please".

It's gradually ruining our relationship as we can no longer laugh about it. Snoring makes me feel unfeminine and unattractive. He doesn't seem to realise that it's involuntary - I can't control what I do when asleep other than trying to stay awake all night.

Sleeping in the spare room was the ultimate humiliation. Then this morning he said that he still heard me through the wall.

I love this man but I feel so alone with my problem and so embarrassed.

I'm 57 and not overweight or a smoker.

I think this is a problem for many people over 50. I and most of my friends sleep in different rooms some of the time because of it so you are not alone. I can still hear DH but if he is in another room it doesn't disturb my sleep. I don't see it as a big deal.

What's the big deal?

I think the big deal is that the snoring could indicate a serious medical problem.

Have you went to the chemist and tried different sleep aids? Also do you have any weight issues? I never used to snore however since I've put on a couple of stone, I've started to snore. Once you have tried tackling the issue with sleep aids and it still isn't working, I'd go to your GP.

God you're lucky you woke to 'darling please'! DH has woken me up by elbowing me he's been so pissed off with my snoring

Both me and my ex were snorers. I'm a very heavy sleeper so his snoring never bothered me but he was a very light sleeper and was so grumpy and unpleasant to be around when he had a disturbed night. His general lack of sleep (not always my fault) also meant he never got up with the kids in the night or the morning. It was definitely a factor in us breaking up after 10 years.

Snoring is horrendous. Both my husband and I occasionally suffer from it so we use separate rooms not to disturb each other. Works well for us

I went to the gp due to snoring. They sent me to the hospital who made me a mouth guard. It isn't especially attractive, but it is a good solution. It doesn't always eliminate snoring, husband says if I drink he hears me snore, but that's rare, so we can sleep apart for a couple of nights a month. He works away sometimes, so I'm happy enough in the same house, doesn't have to be the same room.

My ex used to snore never heard anything like it we separated for other reasons the snoring was largely background noise But, my daughter teeny teeny little thing used to snore like a pig and it was completely cured when she had her underbite corrected with braces you could also consider discussing with your dentist

@Sally99

I honestly don't get why you can't just sleep in the spare room - indefinitely.

As a society we need to get past this idea that it's wrong or weird to have a separate bedroom to our partner. You get a MUCH better sleep, for so many reasons. My DH has been a snorer for the 30 years we have been together. It's a bit better when he loses weight (he has been between 12 stone and 15 stone for the last 30 years, but even at 12 stone he still snores.) Yeah it's not loud when he is thinner, but it still pisses me off/stops me sleeping.

So we have slept separately now for 20 years. I would never go back, even if his snoring stopped. I absolutely LOVE having my own bedroom. DH is also chuffed to have his own bedroom too, and we both have our rooms how we want them, with our own individual stuff in there, reflecting our personalities and our hobbies and interests.

I don't know why some people are so against it, or why they think you can only have a good marriage/relationship if you share a bed. In fact, the best, most successful marriages I have ever known, are where the couple sleep apart. They also have perfectly good sex lives, (probably better, because there is no tiredness, or resentment, or fatigue through lack of sleep!!!)

And re; what a few posters have said about their DH/DP sulking because they go to the spare room.. Fuck that. That would be me OUT. I would not be emotionally blackmailed by a childish and petty little boy, who insisted I sleep with him every night, even though he tortures me with sleep deprivation.

My health and well-being are more way important than the bruised feelings of some insecure sulky, immature excuse for a man, who throws his toys out of his pram, because I have the audacity to want to get some fucking SLEEP!!!

I didn't know that snoring could be a medical issue.

Well it is. And if you're snoring you may well not be sleeping properly and will be sleep deprived yourself.

My OH snores but we don't live together so I do get nights apart from him. Also he does stop if I prod him. I often wake during the night anyway so can't say it bothers me hugely. Oddly, I get more annoyed when I stay with my parents. They both snore but from the room next door. It's plenty loud enough to disturb me but I don't have the their permission to prod them until they roll over and stop fucking snoring.

Good luck getting it sorted OP - there are lots of possible solutions.

My husband was a snorer, I bought him a spray that he - er - sprayed at the back of his mouth, epiglottis area and it worked. There were times when he'd start again but I'd nudge him and make him spray a second time. The other thing to do, as well as the laryngeal spray, is sniffing something like olbas oil, Buy him some good ear plugs too, it's belt and braces time.

Hope it all works. Do remember that everyone snores at times, he probably does but with lower decibels. Many years ago I woke myself up snoring!

I'm a heavy breather, move alot during sleep and like the bedroom cold.

Husband snores sometimes and is as hot as the oven and a very light sleeper. He also does almost shift like hours for some months of the year.

We love each other dearly but are not compatible to sleep in the same bed. No shame, we both sleep well and don't wake up wanting to kill the other.

My ex fiancé was an horrendous snorer and refused to do anything about it. He wasn't overweight a drinker or smoker. I recorded him more than once and played it back, I tried many different ear plugs . I slept on the sofa. I was so sleep deprived in the end I couldn't function properly and he still wouldn't do anything about it.
It's the biggest reason he's an ex.

Walrus like snoring was one (of many) reasons I recently split with a guy I was seeing. I'm a very light sleeper and him just lying there next to me blissfully unaware snoring his head off drove me mad. He couldn't help it, of course, but refused to do anything about it and I would be the one who moved to a different room. I just felt we would never be able to go away together and I felt so resentful of him the odd night we did go away and I was awake all night, it then ruined my next day. To be fair, he snored far louder and continuously than any other partner I've ever had but personally I couldn't hack it.
As you have the option of separate rooms and you are willing to go to the doctors, I'm sure you'll get it sorted then you'll both be happier.

My snoring lessened when I started being treated for asthma and was prescribed inhalers.

Try a sleep tracker on your phone, it records the pattern of your sleep and when you snore. That might help you understand just how often you are waking him up. My dh did it and he was waking me up every night at 2/3am, 5am and 6am it was like having a baby. I was knackered and now we sleep separately, he has got worse suddenly this year doing it every night despite taking a nasal spray which has worked in the past, he’s seeing a consultant in January.

As the partner of someone who regularly snores if he ignored it or got offended we would definitely have split up, sleep deprivation is actually classed at torture you know

I’m a bit mystified that at 57 it’s not crossed your mind to try and rectify this or that it’s possibly linked to your health.
Have you never googled ‘why do I snore?’

I had acupuncture for sinus problems that I'd had for almost 15 years. I was very sceptical but desperate for an end to the constant infections and not being able to breathe properly through my nose.
So, after 3 sessions my sinuses cleared and as a result, I stopped snoring and haven't had any migraines since. Bonuses I hadn't expected but all linked. Take a look at a practitioner in your area. Good luck

My DH is an epic snorer. He tried the snoring aids, I tried earplugs. Nothing worked. Eventually, his GP referred him to ENT who said they thought it was because his tonsils are so large (strange I know). They offered to take his tonsils out and DH was going to do it but I felt so guilty at the thought of him having such an unpleasant operation as an adult basically just for me that we came up with a different solution instead - permanently sleeping in different rooms. I know this arrangement might not work for everyone and a lot of people recoil in horror when we tell them that we have separate rooms but it works for us. When we shared a bed it just led to me being so sleep deprived I couldn't function, him being sleep deprived because I had to continually wake him up to beg him to stop, arguments etc. Now, we can both get a good night's sleep and our relationship hasn't suffered for sleeping in separate beds, we still cuddle up at night watching tv it's just that afterwards I go back to my own room lol. I know this isn't maybe the suggestion you wanted but if it did work for you (and it might not work for all couples I guess) then why continue forcing yourself to share a bed just because society thinks you should do that.

I’ve always snored and I’m young and underweight. It was solved by visiting dr - I had an operation on my nasal passages as one was narrow and I wear a retainer for sleep apnoea that they spotted when I was under General anaesthetic. No issues anymore!

Just sleep in the other room, no need to be so melodramatic

I'm a snorer as is my DH. We drive each other crazy with it. We've tried earplugs & nasal sprays & now take it in turns on the sofa. I tried nasal referral as they thought I had polyps but now after reading this I'm going to go back for a snoring referral. It's so isolating I know exactly how you feel. I don't want to sleep separately and feel it's not great for our marriage but on other hand we both need to sleep when getting up for work xxx

My husband snores so loud that he has to often sleep in the spare room.
We're both youngish still, been married ten years and have two children. We have regular sex so no issues there.
It's just the sleeping arrangements so we often sleep in separate beds. To be honest, his snoring is so loud that I can still hear him in the other room and so I often wear headphones/ earplugs. It drives me mad with rage sometimes but separate beds is the only answer for us.

My dh has been df and bf for 6 months.
Now his sinuses are much clearer the snoring has reduced dramatically

Gf..gluten free