Ending a relationship because of my snoring

[Sally99]

I slept in the spare room last night so that my partner could have a decent night's sleep away from my snoring. Christmas Eve I'd kept waking up to him almost begging "darling, please".

It's gradually ruining our relationship as we can no longer laugh about it. Snoring makes me feel unfeminine and unattractive. He doesn't seem to realise that it's involuntary - I can't control what I do when asleep other than trying to stay awake all night.

Sleeping in the spare room was the ultimate humiliation. Then this morning he said that he still heard me through the wall.

I love this man but I feel so alone with my problem and so embarrassed.

I'm 57 and not overweight or a smoker.

Why don’t you just continue to have separate rooms? It’s not humiliating at all, it’s actually quite empowering to sleep alone, my DH & I have separate rooms, married over 30 years.

There’s nothing wrong with sleeping in separate rooms. It works for a lot of people. It’s ridiculous to share a bed with someone who snores when you have a spare room.

Also, you need to go to the doctor. Snoring can indicate a health problem that can be treated. If you’re not overweight it could also indicate sleep apnoea which can be very dangerous.

To be honest most snoring isn't caused by a blocked nose so sprays and nose clips won't solve the issue, it's usually the soft palette vibrating that causes it. Have you tried a snore guard? It's a mouth guard you wear at night, my friend uses one and it works for him.

I'm married to a snorer. We've been together 9 years. We generally have to sleep in separate rooms. Ear plugs don't work. I've tried about 20 different types! We stayed in a hotel room once and i was literally in tears after the 2nd night as there was nowhere to escape to!

lionelrichiestolemynotebook or collywobble would you have the names of the nose clips you use?

What's the big deal about separate rooms if it means a good nights sleep. If you have the space.

My OH snores terribly.

We have seprate rooms, and our relationship is solid.

Try a snore guard, you can buy ones you mould yourself or get the dentist to fit one.

*earplugs dont work for proper heavy duty snorers, and ive tried all the different types. Sometimes the GP can't do anything.

If I had a spare room I'd happily sleep in separate rooms. I think both people get a better sleep. Not humiliating at all to sleep in seperate rooms.

I echo everyone saying to get a check up with your GP.

I can only assume that those being harsh on the OP’s DP have not had to deal with this issue? Sleep deprivation is an absolute killer and to have little to no sleep every night is tortuous, regardless of whether or not the source of the disturbance can help it or not.

I don’t think separate rooms is unreasonable if your partner is suffering with a lack of sleep. It sounds like a practical solution. It is unfair to expect him to ‘get over it’ and suddenly be able to sleep through it. You should both be able to get a decent night’s rest without it being at the other’s expense.

M DH snores and I’m on the verge of suggesting separate bedrooms. I literally feel like a different person through lack of sleep, it affects every minute of my waking day, I have negative thoughts and find it hard to make decisions. On the rare night I do get some decent sleep I feel like myself, life is good, everything is bright and lovely.
My DH uses a spray, his snoring is worse when he drinks a lot so I feel resentful when he does drink. I also feel resentful when he eats a lot because he is obese and I’m sure that’s making his snoring worse, his neck is so fat.
Rant over. Other than the snoring he’s a good guy.

I'm the snorer in our relationship and my DP often retreats to the spare room to escape me and get a good night's sleep – and our relationship is better for it! Instead of worrying that you're being humiliated, consider how much better you'll get along if your DH isn't crabby and resentful that you've kept him awake. If that means sleeping apart occasionally, so be it. I have also taken steps to make sure I snore less, including buying one of these rings that uses acupressure on the finger to stop snoring. It really works! Plus I make sure I don't have dairy before bedtime, as that seems to make my snoring worse.

Christ, go to your GP. Get a referral to a sleep clinic, wear the machine to monitor your breathing and sort it out.

Husband got a CPAP, it changed his life and he can actually keep his driving license. I won't give up my bedroom though.

Snorers who won't get to the bottom of it are selfish. Don't be that anymore.

You could just sleep in separate rooms. You dont need to sleep in the same bed in order to have a relationship.

DH snores- at the moment we have a twelve week old (tiring!) and so it doesn't really inhibit my sleep. But at times it's been maddening, especially if he has put on a bit of weight. I do wear earplugs on occasion, but they tend to irritate my inner ears after a few nights' wear. Why should I bother with earplugs that give me itchy/watery ear canals when there's a spare room next door? I wake up refreshed and happy, rather than feeling annoyed at him for keeping me awake half the night.

You do need to go to the GP though- if it is sleep apnoea then it puts a tremendous strain on your heart, and the quality of your own sleep will be very poor. My dad was diagnosed with it and since he got his CMAP machine both he and DMum sleep way better.

My ex was a snorer, and used to give me a load of abuse for waking HIM up in the night to ask him to turn over.

Snoring is a deal breaker for me now OP, it really can be such a miserable existence sharing a bed with someone who refuses to seek help with their snoring.

@whiskers14 I will get a ring thank you.

I'm amazed and comforted at the number of people who sleep in different rooms.

I'm happy to try all ideas. Thank you for all the replies.

Why can't you just sleep in separate rooms? I know loads of people who do this because one/both of them snore.

What's the big deal?

My DH snores and it drives me potty sometimes. I often give him a swift elbow to get him to roll over and shut the fuck up .

I know he can't help it, but that doesn't make me feel any less murderous at 3am!

It does seem OP that you’re making this more about you than your DH. Try and see it from his point of view.

If you find it humiliating, perhaps that’s because (I hope) that you recognise that you need to do something about this and I suspect your dh has raised this many many times. I feel so sorry for him as my DH is a snorer. After years of torture he went to the gp bit freaked out when they suggested he needed an OP. He now takes medication which helps but he’s not 100% cured. We slept in separate rooms for a spell and it was bliss.

its not humilitatingme and dh have seprate rooms now (im the snorer although he can a bit aswell) he gets a good night sleep and i love spreading out

he puts up with it on hols though

Have you thought of trying this it's worked for DP really well!

This was my DP until he went low carb for gym and his snoring stopped completely. When he does eat carbs at night he snores. Maybe that may help.

I went ape shit on my husband one night finally after YEARS of god awful King Kong like snoring and him doing NOTHING. He saw the doctor and had a sleep study which revealed severe life threatening sleep apnea-he wears his CPAP machine and doesn't disturb me anymore.