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AIBU?

To message him when he's out with friends ...hardly spoke all day.

141 replies

awayupthe · 26/12/2019 18:09

I've been seeing a guy since August.
Anyway haven't seen him in 5 days with it being Christmas etc.
We've been texting all Xmas eve/Xmas day
Spoke on the phone the other night for nearly 3 hours.
Anyway he has hardly said a word all day.
He went out at 2pm with his friends on a pub crawl.
Every time he goes out he forgets I exist but is posting pics of pints to Snapchat /Facebook.
Haven't spoke since about 1pm when I was trying to make convo but I could tell he couldn't be arsed.
Do I text him now?
Just general light heart convo or will I be annoying him whilst he's out with friends?

OP posts:

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Rachelfromfriends1 · 26/12/2019 19:29

It sounds like he has a more active social life than you, why don’t you spend more time with your friends?

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AllergicToAMop · 26/12/2019 19:29

@gingersausage 😁

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Mydogmylife · 26/12/2019 19:35

Good grief, leave the poor sod alone!!! Carry on like this and you'll be alone by new year!

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MrsWhites · 26/12/2019 19:35

Definitely don’t text him. Thing is, you see ‘are you drunk yet’ or ‘have a fun night’ as light hearted texts but it’s obvious that you expect a response otherwise why bother? It screams that you are either twiddling your thumbs without him or don’t trust him and want to remind him that he has a girlfriend.

It’s quite sad that you say you can find something to occupy yourself without him, you seem quite dependant on him for your own happiness. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, I totally get it, I’ve been there and been that girlfriend too but ultimately those times never led to a good relationship!

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ButterflyBook · 26/12/2019 19:38

I wouldn't contact my DH if he was out with friends unless it was something urgent or serious, but then I'd probably ring him. I can't imagine texting to ask if he was drunk yet. He either is or he isn't, makes no difference to me.

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goodluckdontdie · 26/12/2019 19:43

Me and DH never text - unless it's "can you pick up pint of milk on way home

My whatsapp conversation with my DH basically reads like a really, REALLY long shopping list

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NomNomNomNom · 26/12/2019 20:02

I thought the entire point of a message was it didn't have to be responded to immediately so I see no harm in a quick message as long as you don't come across like you expect an immediate response.

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Bunnyfuller · 26/12/2019 20:05

Too much too soon.

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Bluerussian · 26/12/2019 20:14

You texted all Christmas Eve and all Christmas Day? Honestly? That would drive me potty.

Definitely don't text him any more tonight, he's having a night out with the lads.

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RingPiece · 26/12/2019 20:21

I don't understand why you would want a textual conversation with him. He's out with his friends. You know this. He'll be drinking. You know this. There's no information you need to exchange with each other, so don't text, it's weird.

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Cluelessbeetroot · 26/12/2019 20:29

Guessing & hoping you’re 19 or thereabouts

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Marriedwithchildren5 · 26/12/2019 20:33

I'm a bit confused as to why the op cant message him. I'd message dh have a good night if I'd not seen him.

I couldn't read through the whole thread. Everyone saying leave the poor bloke alone was just too much Like a woman contacting a man on his lads night is some kind of abuse!

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thickwoollytights · 26/12/2019 20:59

@Marriedwithchildren5 not abuse but after this:

Every time he goes out he forgets I exist but is posting pics of pints to Snapchat /Facebook.
Haven't spoke since about 1pm when I was trying to make convo but I could tell he couldn't be arsed.

.... doesn't it seem that the OP is being clingy ? And clingy is very unattractive imo

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Rachelfromfriends1 · 26/12/2019 21:03

@Marriedwithchildren5 She isn’t sending a one off “enjoy your night” message though, she wants a constant flow of casual conversation and feels upset/invisible if he doesn’t reply. There’s a difference. He’s out with his friends whilst she’s bored at home, she wants him to entertain her/show that he hasn’t forgotten about her already. It’s a bit much.

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Marriedwithchildren5 · 26/12/2019 21:30

I wasn't going to pester him or anything.
I was just going to say have a fun night.
Or are you drunk yet ?
Nothing crazy

I think her wanting a long conversation has been exaggerated slightly!

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ohwheniknow · 26/12/2019 21:32

He went out at 2pm with his friends on a pub crawl.
Haven't spoke since about 1pm when I was trying to make convo but I could tell he couldn't be arsed.

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Panpastels · 26/12/2019 21:39

Yes the 'i wasn't going to pester him' was a bit of a backtrack I think after getting a hard time on here!

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minionsrule · 26/12/2019 22:33

Think the OP has got the message now people. She has confirmed she won't text him.
Bet you're sorry you asked now 😂

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ferntwist · 26/12/2019 22:36

Give yourself a break and enjoy doing something else other than messaging him! Not good never to let him miss you and wonder about you.

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Rezie · 26/12/2019 22:42

I'm going to go against the grain a bit. I think when you are seeing someone it's totally fine to text them. But if you know he is out with his mates then you shouldn't expect a response promptly, him initiating texting or it turning into texting marathon. But it's totally fine to send something.

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BenjiB · 26/12/2019 22:49

No fgs leave him to it!

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Pippa12 · 26/12/2019 22:49

You’ll only get more worked up when he doesn’t reply/sends a crap cold shoulder message.

You could always write off to bed, have a great night, speak tomorrow if you insist on messaging but definitely not conversational texts.

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JockTamsonsBairns · 26/12/2019 23:19

"I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in this situation at some point when we’re keen on someone."
This is ridiculous though. I've never been in this situation. Maybe that's because I'm comparatively older - when I was dating back in the day 😂 we had to find a phone box and drop ten pences into it if we wanted to chat.

Op, I don't want to add to any pile on, as I know you're feeling insecure as it is. But please, the best thing you can do tonight is to find something to do that you enjoy, be it Netflix, a bath, mumsnetting, an early night, a phone call to a friend - whatever. Just focus on you, and leave him to his own devices. I know you must be feeling anxious, but texting him isn't the solution, and you must know in yourself that it wouldn't be fair on him. He needs time with friends, just like you do - uninterrupted.
I would hate it if my DH contacted me for no good reason while I was out with friends. Fine if there was an emergency, but otherwise, just no. I need that time away, just like he does, and just like you do. Do you get time away?
I've been married for 17 years now, so I'm a good bit further down the path than you. If it helps, I don't think of DH being out with friends as "radio silence", just that we're having a night apart - and that's ok. I just use the time to embrace a bit of peace to myself, just like he does when I'm out with my friends.
Please be kind to yourself, and build enough of a life so you're not reliant on him for your sense of self.

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awayupthe · 27/12/2019 09:18

I never text him and then he text me at 11pm when he got home.
Then he rang and he was very drunk rambling on for about a hour.
I worried for nothing

OP posts:

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Laylor · 27/12/2019 09:24

Why do people have to be so mean? For goodness sake. OP asked a simple question. Yes people dont have to agree but why be so nasty. No wonder folk have insecurities. I'm clearly in the small minority that like to check in with my hubby every so often and vice versa. I like to know he is safe. Give the girl a break.

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