To message him when he's out with friends ...hardly spoke all day.

[awayupthe]

I've been seeing a guy since August.
Anyway haven't seen him in 5 days with it being Christmas etc.
We've been texting all Xmas eve/Xmas day
Spoke on the phone the other night for nearly 3 hours.
Anyway he has hardly said a word all day.
He went out at 2pm with his friends on a pub crawl.
Every time he goes out he forgets I exist but is posting pics of pints to Snapchat /Facebook.
Haven't spoke since about 1pm when I was trying to make convo but I could tell he couldn't be arsed.
Do I text him now?
Just general light heart convo or will I be annoying him whilst he's out with friends?

[peaceanddove]

We got together long before mobile came along so we never got into the habit of keeping in touch for no real reason. I just really don't see or feel the need to regularly update DH as to my state of mind and current occupation whilst apart from him. Neither does he, to be honest. I don't think it's necessary or even that 'nice' to be in regular communication. When I'm with DH then I'm engaged with him and into him, when I'm out without him then I'm occupied with other stuff. I just don't feel it necessary to incorporate him into everything I'm doing.

My friend gets upset when her long term partner doesn't put a sufficient number of kisses at the end of each and every text. It must be so draining living like that.

[BatShite]

...apologies, I fell aseep with this page on last night and did not think to refreash so didn't know this was basically sorted now anyway...need to learn to refresh first when I do that

[BatShite]

My husband texts/calls more than necessary when am out with family/friends and it really annoys me. On the contrary, I will only contact him when hes out if its an emergency, or with a quick 'if you get food on way back, get me some too' or something..not trying to keep a convo going throughout the whole time hes out..

I think you need to find a hobby really, its a little sad that it seems your whole life revolves round this guy..I know your relationship will likely still be in honeymoon stage, but still, people tend to need space..even just the odd night a month or something! Also, his friends will possibly be taking the piss. I know mine have in the past when DH has been a bit more..stalkey than usual. And with him..its still only say 5 messages over a few hours, not constant contact..but those 5 'just checking you are having a good time' really grate on me

[cstaff]

Tbh if I am out with friends the last thing I would be doing is checking my phone as I would be having a laugh or a real conversation so you could be waiting an hour or two for me to check my phone, never mind reply.

[ilovesooty]

What did you get out of him rambling drunk at you for an hour?

[MzHz]

God I’d HATE to be in a relationship with you OP, stop being so clingy! He’s known you a few months!

Haven’t you got your own friends to socialise with?

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll1]

OP next time he goes on a piss up make sure you have plenty to occupy yourself with so you're not dwelling on whatever he's doing. Otherwise you'll drive yourself nuts.

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll1]

GiveHerHellFromUs
Yeah that's a bit much. I'd just be happy with a quick reply.

[GiveHerHellFromUs]

@MrsItsNoworNotatAll1 that'd be fine it OP would've been happy with a short two word response, but she wanted conversation

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll1]

Some harsh replies I think it's fine to text to see if they're OK. It doesn't take too much to reply either. Who doesn't look at their phone when they've gone to the toilet??

Hope you're OK op.

[overnightangel]

*copping off with

[overnightangel]

“I never text him and then he text me at 11pm when he got home.
Then he rang and he was very drunk rambling on for about a hour.
I worried for nothing”

What were you worried about? Him hurting himself? Going awol? Cooling off with someone else?
For God’s sake are you going to create a drama in your head every time he goes out with his mates? Let the poor bloke have a life!

[Butchyrestingface]

Why would he text you when he’s out with his mates?

As for this:

Spoke on the phone the other night for nearly 3 hours

Dear God, I’d need a month to recover.

[FeigningHorror]

OP, do you not have any other people in your life? In future, couldn’t you call or text a friend?

[lowlandLucky]

Dont be that needy woman

[BeanTownNancy]

@Laylor - I agree, my husband and I always text, but then all of our friends text their partners on nights out. Not excessively, but it's nice to have the occasional message to know they are having a good time. We also have a toddler and a baby so sometimes I'll send him a picture if they are doing something cute.

I don't think there's ever anything wrong with sending a message, as long as you don't go mental if you don't get an answer.

[Laylor]

Why do people have to be so mean? For goodness sake. OP asked a simple question. Yes people dont have to agree but why be so nasty. No wonder folk have insecurities. I'm clearly in the small minority that like to check in with my hubby every so often and vice versa. I like to know he is safe. Give the girl a break.

[awayupthe]

I never text him and then he text me at 11pm when he got home.
Then he rang and he was very drunk rambling on for about a hour.
I worried for nothing

[JockTamsonsBairns]

"I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in this situation at some point when we’re keen on someone."
This is ridiculous though. I've never been in this situation. Maybe that's because I'm comparatively older - when I was dating back in the day 😂 we had to find a phone box and drop ten pences into it if we wanted to chat.

Op, I don't want to add to any pile on, as I know you're feeling insecure as it is. But please, the best thing you can do tonight is to find something to do that you enjoy, be it Netflix, a bath, mumsnetting, an early night, a phone call to a friend - whatever. Just focus on you, and leave him to his own devices. I know you must be feeling anxious, but texting him isn't the solution, and you must know in yourself that it wouldn't be fair on him. He needs time with friends, just like you do - uninterrupted.
I would hate it if my DH contacted me for no good reason while I was out with friends. Fine if there was an emergency, but otherwise, just no. I need that time away, just like he does, and just like you do. Do you get time away?
I've been married for 17 years now, so I'm a good bit further down the path than you. If it helps, I don't think of DH being out with friends as "radio silence", just that we're having a night apart - and that's ok. I just use the time to embrace a bit of peace to myself, just like he does when I'm out with my friends.
Please be kind to yourself, and build enough of a life so you're not reliant on him for your sense of self.

[Pippa12]

You’ll only get more worked up when he doesn’t reply/sends a crap cold shoulder message.

You could always write off to bed, have a great night, speak tomorrow if you insist on messaging but definitely not conversational texts.

[BenjiB]

No fgs leave him to it!

[Rezie]

I'm going to go against the grain a bit. I think when you are seeing someone it's totally fine to text them. But if you know he is out with his mates then you shouldn't expect a response promptly, him initiating texting or it turning into texting marathon. But it's totally fine to send something.

[ferntwist]

Give yourself a break and enjoy doing something else other than messaging him! Not good never to let him miss you and wonder about you.

[minionsrule]

Think the OP has got the message now people. She has confirmed she won't text him.
Bet you're sorry you asked now 😂

[Panpastels]

Yes the 'i wasn't going to pester him' was a bit of a backtrack I think after getting a hard time on here!