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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To complain about my neighbour's grandchildren?

130 replies

stirling · 26/12/2019 09:24

Hi. I've got two teenagers, I'm a single mum and have an extremely debilitating health condition that keeps me running to the toilet about 5-9 times a night. This has been going on for the past 2.5 years and I'm a wreck from sleep deprivation.

Neighbours are a very lovely retired couple, we've had a good relationship for the past decade. Pindrop silence throughout the day, but by night - when my nerves are raw, they are neighbours from hell.

Every school holiday without fail, their grandkids come to stay the entire duration. Private school so nice, lengthy holidays! Two boys around 5/6 who used to tear around the house in their shoes on wooden floors yelling in excitement at 5.00 am despite me mentioning it politely, (and suggesting slipper socks) but now that they're older it's 7 am. They stampede for an hour, then Pindrop silence ALL DAY.

Occasionally their other kids come to stay with a huge dog that has the deepest bark and sets off in the night. I asked if they could let me know know in advance when the dog is staying over so I can sleep in my daughter's room (tiny bed) and it didn't go down too well.

DS (14) is longing for a lie in during the holidays. I understand that. I mostly go to the toilet on the hour up until 4am when my bladder finally empties and am desperate for a longer stretch.
Neighbours know about my health issues, their daughter is a consultant urologist.

In addition, they go away for several days during term time , but when they return every week, it's always at about 2am, banging wardrobe doors, stomping around. Our walls are paper thin, 30s semi.

I'm mentally going through a breakdown because of my health, currently contemplating having my bladder removed.

I've put up with the racket for years. I'm wary about asking them because they get upset. Don't want to spoil the relationship. My kids were toddlers once, they ran around but not during sleeping hours!
I'm all for noisy, happy kids during waking hours, but this is madness.

What should I do?

OP posts:
PaquitaVariation · 26/12/2019 09:29

I can see it must be incredibly frustrating for you but we live in a 30s semi with paper walls too and even just normal living noise sounds really loud. Closing a door even normally can be heard. 7am isn’t normal sleeping time, even if it is for you.

Original poster
stirling · 26/12/2019 09:32

Forgot to say, I do a lot for them. I take their bins out every week and put away, I keep an eye on the house while they're away for which they're grateful, they let me know when they're going away so that I can play my music loud (acquired a lovely sound system few years ago and out of courtesy don't use it when neighbours are here - during the day!!), I've paid tree surgeons to chop down my hedges because they were requesting it to have more sunlight in their garden...

I cooperate, they don't. I know as grandparents it's hard to discipline kids - but kids parents are staying too.

I sometimes think I shouldn't say anything, just stop doing their bins like an idiot and blast out my music during the day.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/12/2019 09:36

You may want to live your life in cosy, close cohabitation but your neighbours have every right to live as they choose. Even if that means they don't put you first and foremost in their lives.

Move, or change how you think about it... they aren't being inconsiderate, they are living their own lives.

Backinthebox · 26/12/2019 09:37

It sounds frustrating but for the majority of the time by your own admission they are completely silent. 1 hour at 7am in school holidays is not extraordinary noise. For this days you’ve got 23hrs in 24 of what you call ‘pin drop silence’ and the same for every day of term time. I live in a detached house in a forest on the middle of nowhere with only 3 neighbours a few hundred yards away and I get more neighbour noise than that! (Dogs, dit, lawnmowers, cars, delivery lorries, etc.)

Cohle · 26/12/2019 09:39

"I'm all for noisy, happy kids during waking hours, but this is madness"

Unfortunately 7am is waking hours. It's a shame that your heath issues and your DC's desire for a lie in means this timing inconveniences you, but I really don't think your neighbours are being hugely unreasonable. Especially given the issue only exists during school holidays.

FrancisCrawford · 26/12/2019 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swinesinsleepingbags · 26/12/2019 09:43

The noise enforcement officers won't do anything if it's kids noise after 7am.

TitianaTitsling · 26/12/2019 09:45

Is there a possibility that your being up 5-9 times a night is disturbing them?

Stayingstrong24 · 26/12/2019 09:46

I understand it is annoying for you, but realistically you can't expect them to tip toe around the house not making a sound.
They are not doing anything wrong as far as I can see. Just normal life with children.
You could mention it to the grandparents, but it would probably stress them out and make them feel on edge for every sound they make in their own home, and would undoubtedly ruin your neighbourly relationship as they are bound to take offence no matter how you put it.

Roussette · 26/12/2019 09:46

I would make the most of these NDNs, you could have a lot worse. I'm sorry you have your health problems, but this really isn't their fault, and 7am is not early for many with young families.

Maybe you going to the toilet 5-9 times a night disturbs them? I honestly don't think you can say you have put up with this 'racket' for years when you have pin drop silence for 23 out of 24 hours.

MamToTeens · 26/12/2019 09:46

If you can’t deal with it then move out. Kids running around in the morning is perfectly normal, and surely your own kids make noise getting ready for school? I specifically chose to live in a detached house because I didn’t want noise from the neighbours/didn’t want them hearing my DC.

Neolara · 26/12/2019 09:47

If the walls are so thin that you can hear everything, maybe you getting up every hour during the night drives them potty too, but they haven't said anything because they realised that semi-detached living involves a degree of living tolerance. If you ask them to change their behaviour, don't be surprised if they ask the same.

Pjsandbaileys · 26/12/2019 09:48

I don't this this is unreasonable noise but unfortunately comes with living with neighbours. How do you think they deal with you visiting the bathroom room several times a night? Opening doors and flushing loos? I know you can't control it is part of your life now but I'm sure your neighbour us aware. The dog i could possibly see as an anti social issue but trust me from experience I can say it could be much much worse X

Radyward · 26/12/2019 09:49

Deaf ears here. Not their problem. They sound great 23/24 hrs silence. You cant ask for more than that.

missmouse101 · 26/12/2019 09:50

Is it worth permanently swopping rooms with your daughter? As long as you can fit a double bed in it, your chest of drawers etc can be elsewhere? Or get better insulation put in?

Glittercandle · 26/12/2019 09:50

It sounds to me like it’s normal living noise and something that needs to be accepted when living in a semi/terraced house.

7 am is not an unreasonable time for children to be running around and as you said they are quiet the rest of the day.

If your neighbours were light sleepers they may hear you going to the toilet at night.

I think you just have to accept these noises.

Original poster
stirling · 26/12/2019 09:51

Thanks for the replies and perspective.

I can't sleep during term time because my own kids are up really early for school.
I suppose that unless someone else is experiencing the same level of sleep deprivation as I am, it's going to be hard to relate.

So if 7am is OK for a morning stampede, would my blasting out my music in the afternoon equally be OK? I'd love to have thoughts on that.

OP posts:
Canadianpancake · 26/12/2019 09:51

7am is not night time, yab completely u.

Pjsandbaileys · 26/12/2019 09:51

Sorry about the typos apparently I can't do two things at once lol

Nanny0gg · 26/12/2019 09:51

Don't suppose you can afford sound insulation for your walls? At least in the bedroom?

NailsNeedDoing · 26/12/2019 09:52

Honestly, it doesn’t sound like they do anything too bad. Children getting up at 7 is normal, and they surely don’t have so many holidays that returning home at unsociable hours is a regular thing.

Could you and your ds try using ear plugs for the days that you want to lie in?

yips · 26/12/2019 09:52

I would be annoyed by this too, as I like to sleep until about 8. However, if you've already spoken to them about it there's nothing to be done really. You and your son may just need to go to bed earlier if you need more sleep.

Tombliwho · 26/12/2019 09:53

As PP said I suspect they can hear you up and down at night time so they're not too inclined to keep the children quiet when they wake up.

notapizzaeater · 26/12/2019 09:55

Playing the stereo would be fine, blasting it not so. You can't tit for tat because they wake you up. 7am is normal family time.

Seeline · 26/12/2019 09:58

'blasting' music out would not be reasonable. Of course you can play your music at a normal volume during the day.

Children running about is normal noise.

I have to say I grew up in a 30s semi, and whilst you could hear neighbours doing DIY, or a baby cry if in an adjoining room, normal living noises really weren't that obvious. People had carpets in those days though - these laminate floors have a lot to answer for.