To complain about my neighbour's grandchildren?

[stirling]

Hi. I've got two teenagers, I'm a single mum and have an extremely debilitating health condition that keeps me running to the toilet about 5-9 times a night. This has been going on for the past 2.5 years and I'm a wreck from sleep deprivation.

Neighbours are a very lovely retired couple, we've had a good relationship for the past decade. Pindrop silence throughout the day, but by night - when my nerves are raw, they are neighbours from hell.

Every school holiday without fail, their grandkids come to stay the entire duration. Private school so nice, lengthy holidays! Two boys around 5/6 who used to tear around the house in their shoes on wooden floors yelling in excitement at 5.00 am despite me mentioning it politely, (and suggesting slipper socks) but now that they're older it's 7 am. They stampede for an hour, then Pindrop silence ALL DAY.

Occasionally their other kids come to stay with a huge dog that has the deepest bark and sets off in the night. I asked if they could let me know know in advance when the dog is staying over so I can sleep in my daughter's room (tiny bed) and it didn't go down too well.

DS (14) is longing for a lie in during the holidays. I understand that. I mostly go to the toilet on the hour up until 4am when my bladder finally empties and am desperate for a longer stretch.
Neighbours know about my health issues, their daughter is a consultant urologist.

In addition, they go away for several days during term time , but when they return every week, it's always at about 2am, banging wardrobe doors, stomping around. Our walls are paper thin, 30s semi.

I'm mentally going through a breakdown because of my health, currently contemplating having my bladder removed.

I've put up with the racket for years. I'm wary about asking them because they get upset. Don't want to spoil the relationship. My kids were toddlers once, they ran around but not during sleeping hours!
I'm all for noisy, happy kids during waking hours, but this is madness.

What should I do?

Do your children disturb your neighbours in the morning during term time?

Look its annoying but it won't change anytime soon.
From experience, im telling you not to get into bit for tat, you will ruin your own mental health and to get earplugs for everyone it will change your life.

I get that you're very deprived of sleep and can only imagine how awful that must be. However the neighbours sound like they're just living normal lives, we're grandparents and often have our toddler granddaughter here, when she wakes shouting for us at 6am I feel fleeting pity for next door in case they heard her too but really there's nothing I could do about it and we certainly don't creep around the house once she's awake.

To retaliate and play loud music wouldn't help anyone, least of all you if you're that shattered.

I feel for you OP but perhaps ypuare disturbing them. Up and downn to the loo during the night and if the walls are paper thin....

I live in a 1930s semi and I can hear my neighbours simply rustling their wardrobes (sound of hangers knocking together) through the walls

This. Sometimes it seems like my neighbours are pounding on the walls but in actual fact, its opening and closing cupboards and I know this because I heard it from their side when I popped round to see them. The sound is amplified and it sounds like its on purpose but it really isn't.
It sounds like OP has a good relationship with her neighbours and I can't see any reason why they'd purposely "stomp" around to make as much noise as possible. Why would they do that if OP is doing all these favours for them? Walking around your house can sound like "stomping" but it isn't.

The problem is the thin walls and your lack of sleep at other times. Imagine if your neighbours were not a nice, quiet retired couple who only made noise for one hour a day and then only in the holidays? Your neighbour could be a young family who had to get up at 6 for work then had a toddler in the house all day. It sounds like normal family noise is really disturbing for you, which must be really tough but what you've described doesn't sound unreasonable from your neighbours at all, in fact it sounds like they're completely silent almost all the time which is better than most people have.

So if 7am is OK for a morning stampede, would my blasting out my music in the afternoon equally be OK? I'd love to have thoughts on that

I'll give you my thoughts on that. But they ain't good.
Why would you want to deliberately upset decent NDNs because their GC get up at 7am for some weeks of the year? You are being utterly ridiculous.

I know about sleep deprivation. I've worked nights, I find getting to sleep and keeping asleep a total ordeal.

Please don't go out of your way to upset your NDNs for what everyone on here is saying.... they aren't awful, in fact they sound wonderful compared to what some people have to put up with.

Get noise cancelling headphones if you can sleep in them. Alternatively, get a white noise machine. I can't sleep without mine, it drowns out background noise.

Are you and your DCs 'pin drop' quiet for 23 hours of the day? I bet not.

But please, for the love of god, appreciate your good neighbours and stop thinking that what they are doing is awful. It isn't.

Sorry to be harsh but your toileting issue is not their problem. Their grandchildren getting up and making normal noise at 7am is part of life. Why aren’t you wearing decent ear plugs?

Also, you are getting up early with your own children term time. Maybe you could have them get themselves up and ready and creep about like church mice to let you have more sleep term time. If you are not prepared to entertain this then you can hardly impose it on others in the school holidays.

Our walls are quite thin and neighbours work shifts - the noise of them coming and going during night / early hours sounds louder than normal as it's so quiet then. Our dog sometimes growls or barks then as he is just trying to protect us. Is their dog barking because it can hear you moving around?

Well it’s give you take. You likely disturb them during night and they disturb you in the morning. That’s life.

Blasting your stereo would be childish, playing music is fine.

I'm sure you must disturb them during god night if you can hear their grandchildren for an hour a day. It's unfortunate but part of living in a house joined on to another.

Kids noise 7am-8am during the holidays is quite good. Just an hour a day? I think perhaps your illness is making you think in an unreasonable way. Perhaps book a holiday, some time away from home will do you some good.

During the night! Haha not god night.

By the way dont start blasting music at them. Theres no point starting a war with neighbours over something so trivial.

I’m sorry but YABU, your medical condition is causing your sleep problems, not your neighbours who you say are mostly very quite. Private school holidays are still only 16/17 weeks a year so lots of weeks not there.

Also one hour of noise at 7am is not a lot and if the walls are so thin then maybe they are not actually being very noisy.

Either insulate, move to a small detached or ear plugs, with headphones on top. Low level music can help you drift off too.

Suggesting playing loud music to annoy them is outrageous, do they do this to you?

You should be glad you don’t live next to a really loud family with noise and music and parties all the time.

YABU, sorry. You don't sound like you are used to making many accommodations.

YABU for discussing your bladder problems with your next door neighbours? Do you have any boundaries?

Maybe you should move to a detached property. Your neighbours aren't doing anything wrong, just living a regular life.

Sorry OP, but this is just normal neighbourly noise. You can't expect your neighbours to stop living their lives just because you struggle to sleep. I'd imagine that your getting up to go to the loo several times a night probably causes a similar inconvenience to them if the walls are as thin as they sound.

Invest in some noise cancelling ear plugs, some really decent ones. Once you get some peace and quiet you will soon relax about it all and stop noticing it.
It's terrible about your health condition, must be so draining.

YABU and you sound hard work frankly. You could be living next door to a family with lots of kids who make a racket throughout the day too. Your medical issues are not their problem. There has to be give and take. They must feel like they have to walk on eggshells round you - none of these things are worth throwing your toys out of the pram and blasting music.

First of all I would like to say that sleep deprivation sucks so very.... very bad! It makes everything seem so much worse and I imagine them waking you up makes you want to cry

but

they are not being unreasonable, kids get up at that time and they are probably just moving around like normal kids. Can you get away to a hotel for a week and just get some sleep during the day?

Why wouldn't you listen to your music in the afternoons? I listen to mine quite loudly in the afternoon if we are going a mass clean or something.

7am equally is totally normal for kids to be up and running about.

Do you disturb them and your kids going to the loo lots of times throughout the night? Have they complained about this?

So you have a medical condition? I hate to break it to you, but most people do. Some people have several. Not all of them are visible, either. Regardless of this, I think your world has shrunk to the stage that you have no idea about what is normal and what is not. Also, you are using your illness as an excuse for the lack of empathy or awareness of living with other people. I think if you have read enough of the responses to your post, you will realize that being affected by other people is a normal consequence of living in an apartment or attached building. These people do not sound inconsiderate.