To complain about my neighbour's grandchildren?

[stirling]

Hi. I've got two teenagers, I'm a single mum and have an extremely debilitating health condition that keeps me running to the toilet about 5-9 times a night. This has been going on for the past 2.5 years and I'm a wreck from sleep deprivation.

Neighbours are a very lovely retired couple, we've had a good relationship for the past decade. Pindrop silence throughout the day, but by night - when my nerves are raw, they are neighbours from hell.

Every school holiday without fail, their grandkids come to stay the entire duration. Private school so nice, lengthy holidays! Two boys around 5/6 who used to tear around the house in their shoes on wooden floors yelling in excitement at 5.00 am despite me mentioning it politely, (and suggesting slipper socks) but now that they're older it's 7 am. They stampede for an hour, then Pindrop silence ALL DAY.

Occasionally their other kids come to stay with a huge dog that has the deepest bark and sets off in the night. I asked if they could let me know know in advance when the dog is staying over so I can sleep in my daughter's room (tiny bed) and it didn't go down too well.

DS (14) is longing for a lie in during the holidays. I understand that. I mostly go to the toilet on the hour up until 4am when my bladder finally empties and am desperate for a longer stretch.
Neighbours know about my health issues, their daughter is a consultant urologist.

In addition, they go away for several days during term time , but when they return every week, it's always at about 2am, banging wardrobe doors, stomping around. Our walls are paper thin, 30s semi.

I'm mentally going through a breakdown because of my health, currently contemplating having my bladder removed.

I've put up with the racket for years. I'm wary about asking them because they get upset. Don't want to spoil the relationship. My kids were toddlers once, they ran around but not during sleeping hours!
I'm all for noisy, happy kids during waking hours, but this is madness.

What should I do?

They sound like good neighbours, it's a real shame that they make the 7am racket. We had issues with noisy neighbours to the extent that we rearranged our living spaces in an unorthodox way to avoid noise. Once we accepted that we would sleep in the small bedroom and have an alternative living room our lives were improved. Think about whether it's worth permanently moving into that small room and what you can do to further sound proof it - carpets, wall hangings, heavy curtains and rugs do wonders. I like bare floorboards and a bit of minimalist chic but it does nothing for dampening sound in a bedroom.

Do you have the money to sound proof your room? If not get the wax ear plugs.

Your health issues sound really depressing and I reckon the corresponding sleep deprivation must be truly awful.

But actually, they’re not really doing anything wrong and you could have neighbours that are a lot, lot worse.

I can see why you’d be tempted to retaliate, but deep down that’s a dick move. It’s fun to come up with creative revenge projects sometimes.

You can't compare blasting music and a family getting ready for the day at 7am OP, hardly the same thing really is it! Our walls are paper thin and you can hear my neighbours running up and down the stairs all day and sometimes in the early hours of the morning (their bathroom is downstairs), doors slamming and on occasion some arguments. 6 souls live in that house and most Fridays they have at least 5 extra people come over for an evening meal so you can imagine the noise. And not once have I complained because it would be unreasonable to do so. What am I meant to say exactly? Move your bathroom upstairs so I don't have to hear you climing up and down the stairs, remove all of your doors so I don't hear them slam, stop inviting your nearest and dearest over to spend time with you as the noise inconveniences me. I would be incredibly unreasonable. People have lives to live OP, I'm sorry you're sleep deprived but your neighbours aren't the reason behind it.

Really crying while I'm writing this - there was no need for the nastiness, so I won't be tuning in after this post.
Just to clarify, I don't wake anyone up going to the toilet. I alternate between using the bathroom (not on adjacent wall) and not flushing the toilet and using a bedpan. I can't catheterise, the last time they did this at hospital it felt like a knife going in. Ended up with an antibiotic resistant e coli infection. To the poster who said "can't you do something about it?" - I don't even know where to begin, other than to say I hope you don't ever end up with intersticial cystitis, trigonitis, neurogenic bladder, prolapse of everything, fowlers syndrome and secondary sphincter disfunction.
And no, this doesn't compare to the sleep deprivation you get from waking up throughout the night with babies - I've been through that hell too.

Playing my music at a normal level would travel through and they'd hear every bit, it's a powerful system. Agree blasting out sounds petty, but my meaning was how it would sound. Its not retaliation, it's simply not refraining from doing something I've always wanted to do (I find music comforting) - out of consideration to my neighbours.

And no it's not "being up and about" - the noise is beyond that. They have their shoes on, tearing up and down wooden stairs and all the rooms in the house while yelling. The pindrop silence throughout the rest of the day was to emphasise the point that this sort of running and screaming could take place during the day, I wish it would but it doesn't. They all just sit in silence.

Thank you to those who made some kind, helpful suggestions.

The rest of you feel free to continue slating me - I won't be reading anymore.

So your NDNs put up.with your children getting up early in term time and presumably making noise in the process. They put up with you getting up several times in the night shutting doors, flushing the loo etc. and yet you feel aggrieved because your neighbours gc make a bit of noise for an hour for a few weeks a year.

I suspect you're not thinking clearly because of sleep deprivation caused by your health condition.

YABVVVU

Ear plugs?

OP- I'm really sorry you're upset but you asked if you were being unreasonable and people said yes.

I'm a bit unsure why you asked if you didnt want to hear the answer.

so they are noisy first thing in the morning? but then silent all day.
can you go back to bed after school run?
have an afternoon nap?

The problem here is your health problems not your neighbours

A ‘stampede’ at 7am sounds like it is a family with youngish children getting up and doing their thing. Given what you say about ‘paper thin walls’ I don’t think they are doing anything out of the ordinary at all.

Your illness (which sounds horrid and must be very, very trying indeed) has, I think, made you super sensitive and maybe closed your horizons a bit. This is a sad consequence of serious illness (both my mother and my oldest daughter have long term serious illness so I have seen the effect of this at close hand). It is awful for you. But is not the fault of your neighbours.

You asked what people would think if you played your music loud each afternoon. You seemed to be suggesting it would be similar to what your neighbours are doing. But I don’t think it is. Your neighbours are just living their lives. They are not doing anything deliberately to hurt you/spite you. If you start playing your music loud every afternoon, as a response to the noise coming from their house, this would be a deliberate, quite hostile, act. It is very different.

It is fine to stop putting their bins out. But do tell them first. Maybe call over in the new year. Tell them you aren’t well enough to continue to do that. That everything is a struggle at the moment. You could use this opportunity to mention the noise and ask them to keep it as low as possible. But you make sure you acknowledge the problem lies with you and not them. Don’t make it a complaint. Make it an appeal to their better nature.

The fact that you are struggling to accept what most people are saying on this thread is a indication of how entrenched your position has become.

I'm sorry you are upset. Of course you can go to the toilet as many times as necessary during the night. Why don't you play your music using headphones? Can any of you use ear plugs to help with the noise?

It's difficult. I don't mind noise, so when I lived in a block of flats, my neighbor's noise didn't bother me. I'm lucky I'm a heavy sleeper. Is moving an option at all for you? Unfortunately, these types of houses will always be noisy. I don't think there is much you can do about it except put carpets down and maybe some noise cancelling panels on your walls.

OP, no one has been nasty to you on here. Why start a post in AIBU if you aren't going to take on board the responses?

Oh and I also have interstitial cystitis. So yes I do have an idea what its like and have made siginficant lifestyle changes to prevent flare ups.. But at the same time I don't expect others to stop living their lives because of it.

So apart from the one hour per morning during school holidays your neighbours are very very quiet and you’re moaning??
How dare they come home from a holiday at a time that doesn’t suit you!
Have you thought that your very frequent during the night toilet visits disturb them? Lots of toilet flushing?
You and your DS sound very very selfish, most teenagers would sleep through, mine would sleep through a bomb going off!

but now that they're older it's 7 am. They stampede for an hour, then Pindrop silence ALL DAY.

Yabu about this. An hour in the morning at 7am? Then silence all day? That sounds ok to me.

Occasionally their other kids come to stay with a huge dog that has the deepest bark and sets off in the night

Yanbu about this- the dog should not be coming if it barks through the night. They should be ensuring it doesn't bark. If you are talking about one woof then it's sorted then YABU.

DS (14) is longing for a lie in during the holidays.
He can go back to sleep again! Most teenagers, if woken at 7am, could go back to sleep.

Your health issues sound horrible but I think it's affecting your reasoning.

It sounds like the main problem keeping you awake is your health. Your neighbours noise is unintentional, infrequant and short lasting - some noise is to be expected when living in a semi.

Blasting a stereo would be intentional intended to cause annoyance to them. I can hear your frustration in your messages - but this is not the answer.

OP, no one has been nasty to you on here. Why start a post in AIBU if you aren't going to take on board the responses?

Exactly. If i started a thread and read the vote on it I would take it on board otherwise what's the point but never mind!

I don't think this hour at 7 am and then 'pin drop' silence is a huge deal. Also probably extra excited as been Christmas perhaps it will die down.

Do they sleep there for the whole of the hols? Wow

No I wouldn't blast the stereo to intentionally annoy them

I wouldn't actually have invested in some really powerful system in I lived in a semi but hey ho

Crikey! I asked if there was anything you could do and got a mouthful in return

As others have said, that shows just how altered your thinking is.

Leave the thread by all means but do seek more medical help. You can't continue as you are.

Sleep deprivation makes me completely unreasonable about most things. I think you might be surprised how noisy your own family is on the other side of the wall (my neighbour is a saint lol) I'd definitely consider ear plugs and moving rooms rather than fall out with what seem like perfectly nice neighbours X

Your medical problems sound awful, Stirling and you say you've had the excessive weeing for 2.5 years - is there any chance of it getting better? I don't blame you not wanting a catheter, so many infections and trauma are caused by them (even though the medics say that shouldn't happen).

Several of us have talked about sound proofing and ear plugs. Another poster suggesting rearranging your living and sleeping rooms so you are further away from the offending noise which sounds like a good idea.

It's a terrible shame that your walls are so thin; I'm in a semi and can barely hear anything from adjoining neighbours, just the back door really. No music, TV or anything like that and they are 'yer average' people with two grown children at home, one a student. Reading your post I realise how fortunate I am, I would hate to be woken at 7am unless I was going out to work and it can't be much fun for your teenagers - we all know teens love their sleep. I'd make an exception for a baby crying, they all do that and no one can do much about it.

Think about the ideas some of us have proposed.

Our 1910 house has a single brick wall between the properties and it seems to amplify the noise. We can hear next door flicking their light switch in their bedroom!! I am anal about noise as we have primary school age children, one of which does wake in the night sometimes. Neighbour has 3x yappy dogs. We live and let live on lots of things.

I think if you were getting more sleep you would cope better with the 7am wake up in the holidays. Is there any way to try to improve your sleep or indeed to move house?

Maybe your neighbours are allowing the kids to run around with shoes on making an absolute racket. If you've spoken to them about it and they're still doing this, then they don't care and you won't change anything. Or, it might not sound so bad on their side.

Honesty, if this was me and I was being impacted so deeply I would move house. If it's that much of an issue for you, you cannot expect other people to be silent for you, so therefore you have to make the change yourself and that probably means moving to a detached house.
We used to live attached and there was a little bit of noise very occasionally but when I got pregnant I moved to a detached house largely because I didn't want to feel pressure to silence a crying baby all the time.
Jan is a good time to find houses for sale!

It's sleep deprivation talking, it's not your fault, you are suffering hugely. But they are not being unreasonable.