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Original poster

DH not getting up to watch DC undo Christmas Presents

136 replies

Mummywithtwocats · 25/12/2019 16:31

Hi, I am new to mumsnet so please bear with me! I am currently writing this in floods of tears as my day just seems to have gone from bad to worse! I just want to know if I am being unreasonable or if my husband is! If I am, I am prepared to apologise!

This morning it kicked off when my DH didn't want to get up to watch our DC open her Christmas presents. It wasn't early, around 7 O'clock so it wasn't (in my opinion) unreasonable. He told me as he hadn't chosen any of the presents it really doesn't matter to him. I got cross with DH and asked him to get out of bed but now he has the grumps with me and has taken it out on me all day. My parents and his parents were round for Christmas dinner so I've had a busy morning. It hasn't been a particularly pleasant atmosphere as he has been snapping at my parents as he is cross with me. It is totally embarrassing and I feel so upset for my poor Mum who tries really hard.

He has currently stormed off out and shouted he wants a divorce as I make him unhappy.

Is it me being unreasonable or is it him? I just need a bit of a reality check! My DC s still very lite and hasn't picked up on anything, she has had a fantastic day so at least I know she is happy.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
JustASmallTownCurl · 25/12/2019 21:23

You poor love. I hate him on your behalf! Selfish prick. Do pop back if we can help or you need to vent. MN has got me through some shitty nights that would have been really lonely otherwise. Hope your girl enjoyed the day as much as she could too Thanks

Original poster
Mummywithtwocats · 25/12/2019 21:27

Thank you, as crappy as it is at home, I do feel a lot more positive as people have been so supportive. I hope she had a good day, she is fast asleep having lovely dreams I hope! xx

OP posts:
Figgygal · 25/12/2019 21:33

So sorry op that's really unfair of him
Good idea to leave until tomorrow but definitely call him out on it
And don't let him treat you like that because you're afraid of the alternative

ferntwist · 25/12/2019 21:34

Get rid of him and start the new year afresh. You could meet and marry a lovely new man within a couple of years and never look back.

SympatheticSwan · 25/12/2019 21:34

Can I just ask what is important about watching children opening presents? Genuine question, I am from a culture where Christmas is very religious and does not involve presents.
Mine got up at 6 today and opened their presents and I was solidly asleep still. But it seems now that it is almost a crime?

Nanny0gg · 25/12/2019 21:44

It is lovely to watch the pleasure and excitement.

It's part of being a family.

richteasandcheese · 25/12/2019 21:50

Op, promise this will be the last Christmas you have tears caused by him. My stbexh managed to suck the joy from every Christmas for the past 6 years, but this year, despite his ramping up of emotional abuse, I took the kids to my mums for the day and left him to trip over his own face alone.

RainbowAlicorn · 25/12/2019 21:56
  • @SympatheticSwan* It isn't as much sitting watching them open the presents, it is sharing in their excitement and them being able to show you what they got. My DC get so excited and run around to show me and my DH what they have gotten. It might mean nothing to you, but it means everything to them. My DH asked my DD who's 5 what her best part of Christmas was and she said spending time with my family.
RainbowAlicorn · 25/12/2019 21:57

Oh and OP LTB, I mean it, your DD will be happier in years to come if you ditch him than if you stay in this unhappy marriage.

Grumpos · 25/12/2019 22:03

He is the man you married - He just kept that side hidden until you were in a position where you had to put up with it

He sounds abusive and manipulative- if that’s what you want your child to see and experience growing up then by all means spend the next 10 years being systematically ground down by someone who will gladly ruin Xmas and any other day for his family and children

Someonesayroadtrip · 25/12/2019 22:06

Sorry OP. What a horrible attitude he has. Good luck with the discussion tomorrow.

Passmethecrisps · 25/12/2019 22:10

sympathetic I think the watching of it is about sharing the excitement and joy - the opposite really of just ripping open gifts alone.

Mine enjoy making quite the spectacle of opening and expressing their delight and surprise at gifts. I would be really sad if my dh opted for a lie in rather than get up and watch. But that’s so engrained in both of our family lives.

bringbacksideburns · 25/12/2019 22:12

It isn't just about the presents though is It? It's his opting out of helping all day and being rude to his guests. Then stropping off. It's about being a selfish crap dad and OP just said it's not the first Christmas Day he's acted like this.

I wouldn't let him do it a third time OP. I hope you are ok.

Binterested · 25/12/2019 22:22

Watching people you love open gifts is literally the point of giving gifts. He has totally checked out of being a father if he can’t even be bothered with the good bits. I’m so sorry - I would be so upset too.

LittleTinselTown · 25/12/2019 22:33

He's a pathetic little man child. I wouldn't have let him back in.

runninguphills · 25/12/2019 22:57

Oh dear. This is NOT good. It makes me sad to feel that you and your daughter have been treated like this. It really isn't OK.

When you are a family - you are a team. If you carry on and accept this person being a twat to you, your child and your lovely mum - you'll have a shit life with no self respect left at the end of it.

He's home now - I'd stand up tall and tell him to leave this evening, even if it's just to give you thinking time.

Otherwise, the cycle of being a bit nicer before being horrible again will just keep on going

likeafishneedsabike · 25/12/2019 22:59

What a rotten Christmas. I admire you for putting a brave face on for your daughter though. Serious changes of some description are needed in your house.

TheReef · 25/12/2019 23:09

Tell him you've decided to give him what he wants for Christmas and you'll be seeing a solicitor ASAP to kick off the divorce. You and your dd deserve so much better than this

CalleighDoodle · 25/12/2019 23:11

Giving you the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. Designed to make you not question him again.

Seriously dont get pregnant by him again. And take him up on his divorce offer.

This is who he is. This isnt who you want. Theres no compromise.

andthentherewere · 25/12/2019 23:26

Sorry to hear you have had such a rough day. I have been in a similar situation before. How did his parents react as it was so obvious? I can definitely relate to the comment about him not behaving this way when/before you married. I felt really cheated and took me a while to accept it and call it a day. Good luck with your chat tomorrow x

thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2019 23:35

What an absolute arsehole. His behaviour is absolutely beyond the pale. Call his bluff on the divorce. You and your DC deserve better s as nd I absolutely guarantee you will have a better life without this pitiful excuse for a father. My ex was a useless waste of space in many ways but he would absolutely have drawn the line at this.

Glad your DD had a good day.

Go and see a solicitor and give yourself the best xmas present ever.

beautifulxdisasters · 25/12/2019 23:39

"as he hadn't chosen any of the presents it really doesn't matter to him"

Well that is nobody's fault but his own is it OP. I'm sure you'd have welcomed input.

I'd be LTB for what you describe tbh

beautifulxdisasters · 25/12/2019 23:42

Just seen your update.

He's "not talking to you"?

So he's sulking?

That behaviour isn't ok either - you know that don't you OP?

Tessabelle74 · 25/12/2019 23:53

You think kids don't notice this kind of crap? They do! Trust me, I was your DC once. I knew my Dad wasn't happy, we all spent our time treading on eggshells until eventually, after 25 years of marriage, he buggered off with a woman from the pub. He should have gone years before, my Mum should d have made him, but she thought she was doing what was best for me and my sister. It's never better to stay when the relationship is dead. Give him his divorce, you'll be happier for it and so will your DC. Wishing you all the best x

AlmostAJillSandwich · 25/12/2019 23:55

7am is too early, imo.

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