DH not getting up to watch DC undo Christmas Presents

[Mummywithtwocats]

Hi, I am new to mumsnet so please bear with me! I am currently writing this in floods of tears as my day just seems to have gone from bad to worse! I just want to know if I am being unreasonable or if my husband is! If I am, I am prepared to apologise!

This morning it kicked off when my DH didn't want to get up to watch our DC open her Christmas presents. It wasn't early, around 7 O'clock so it wasn't (in my opinion) unreasonable. He told me as he hadn't chosen any of the presents it really doesn't matter to him. I got cross with DH and asked him to get out of bed but now he has the grumps with me and has taken it out on me all day. My parents and his parents were round for Christmas dinner so I've had a busy morning. It hasn't been a particularly pleasant atmosphere as he has been snapping at my parents as he is cross with me. It is totally embarrassing and I feel so upset for my poor Mum who tries really hard.

He has currently stormed off out and shouted he wants a divorce as I make him unhappy.

Is it me being unreasonable or is it him? I just need a bit of a reality check! My DC s still very lite and hasn't picked up on anything, she has had a fantastic day so at least I know she is happy.

Thank you xx

I’d welcome a divorce if I was you, especially if you want your dd to be happy. Anyone who can’t watch their kid open presents at that age is vile.

Text him saying .... Make sure you get the divorce papers sent to me ASAP, have a great new year oh and don't come home!

^^This. What a loser.

Leave the pig and welcome that divorce he's threatening you with. What a complete dick. Are your parents still there? What have they said. Absolute loser. I am livid on your behalf. What an entitled piece of SHIT.

So you woke him up and had a go at him then complain that he is grumpy all day hahahahhahahah I feel sorry for your dh we don't get up till 9am including child and would not get out of bed myself and if my dh had a go at me first thing in the morning I would but telling him where to go no matter what day it is

Yep, I'd be ensuring he follows through onnthat divorce threat.

What kind of miserable fucker can't get up to see his own child open Christmas presents? I agree with the above message. You both deserve better than this.

So he wasn't bothered about the presents then he had a strop that he didn't pick any. Get rid of this man child.

What are his parents like? Did they notice he was behaving like a brat?

So you got up early on your own to watch your little child open presents and he couldn't be arsed to get out of bed because he didn't buy them.
Then you cooked and entertained his parents and your parents.

He's now walked out in a sulky strop and you're sat there waiting for him to decide to come home?

Word of advice. This will not get any better. These are precious moments when your kids are small and as it's such a busy time you should be a team. My husband always carved the Turkey, did the gravy and cleared up everything and washed up. He'd be up until 1am wrapping and arranging presents then be there bleary eyed with a camcorder at the bottom of the stairs filming them coming down first thing in the morning.
If he can't even be excited and enter into the spirit now what is he going to be like in a few years?

Pack a few things leave him to it and go to your parents and salvage Christmas.
If you tolerate this now then this will be your life from now on. Take decisive action. YANBU.

I would guess he has another woman and engineered an argument so he could spend the day with her.

I'm afraid this is also my guess. Anyway whether he does or not, you deserve a lot better. So does your child. And your parents shouldn't have to put up with his shit. Did his own parents call him out on his behaviour?

Aside from anything else this man has left the home in which he lives with his daughter with no way of keeping in contact or finding out if she is ok. On Christmas fucking day.

This is the push you need to realise that far from trying desperately to stay together for the sake of your daughter, you'd do better to split up and aim to healthily coparent.

My parents stayed together so much longer than they should have and did the "we stayed together for your sake" which made me feel shit. I wish they'd split earlier and I'd have had a blueprint for healthy relationships rather than dysfunctional ones!

I love them dearly and a lot of bridges have been rebuilt but don't underestimate the price children pay for living in a tense house where people are walking on eggshells.

Poor you OP, what a wanker

The best Christmas present he could possibly give you, OP, is a divorce. You deserve better. Your DC deserves better. Show them what you do when someone treats you badly. Show them your worth.

You have had lots of replies but wanted to add you anbu. My partner got up this morning as soon as DD woke up. I picked and wrapped everything! He still took part. It's one of the times of the year where you get to spend some good quality time with your children. Why would he rather stay on bed than watch her little face?

Miserable, selfish fxxk.

Don't waste your energy on trying to figure out what is wrong.

He's a selfish waster.

You have absolutely no future with him.
💐

Definitely LTB

Stopped reading at "walking on eggshells" to say:

1. If he does not get up WILLINGLY and HAPPILY to watch DC open presents, he does not love DC.

1. "Walking on eggshells" is code for domestic abuse. Get out of that relationship now.

LTB he sounds vile.

Make an appointment with a solicitor as soon as possible. Get the divorce rolling ASAP.

When I was with my DC dad he always looked forward to a lie-in while I looked forward to watching the DC open their stockings. It became a really special time for us as I was completely focussed on the DC. We would then have breakfast and get their dad up with a coffee in time for opening presents under the tree. It worked for us and I wouldn't give up my special moment with the DC every Christmas morning. I have a new DP now and I encourage him to have a lie-in while I do the stockings with the DC.

He sounds horrible, OP, getting into a strop at Christmas and being unpleasant to your parents. So let him get the divorce and then you won’t need to deal with him any more.

OP I am so very upset for you reading about what day you have just had. Delighted thigh that your LO had a fantastic day.
It sounds t me as if at the very least you need marriage counselling. But your post and subsequent updates are filled with red flags. I agree with PPs who say to need t consult a solicitor ASAP. Don’t udsllu subscribe to the LTB doctrine but in this case I do. Sending hugs. Good luck! I hope 2020 brbgs you much jo, happiness, peace and freedom.

Thank you everyone for your replies. It has really helped me xx

How awful, he's a twat! I can't imagine not wanting to see what my children open on Xmas day. Regardless of who chose it. My DH helps with DSx2 but struggles with teen DD but always love to see her face etc. Your DH is totally in the wrong here. You deserve better.

What a vile man!! Get rid

Christmas Day can be very stressful when you’re in a loving, happy marriage but your day sounds particularly awful.

It’s quite reasonable to expect DH to get involved in Xmas prep, present buying/wrapping/watching the unwrapping etc. Therefore, as he’s not interested in being actively involved, what’s the point in being with him?

He clearly abusive and it’s not ok to be rude to your mum just because he’s annoyed with you. You will be happier without him.

Take the little shit at his word and give him a divorce. Probably be the best Christmas present you ever get. He sounds a selfish, rude fuckwit, get rid and enjoy your next Christmas without his miserable arse dragging you down. For god's sake don't have another child with this arsewipe.