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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not getting up to watch DC undo Christmas Presents

136 replies

Mummywithtwocats · 25/12/2019 16:31

Hi, I am new to mumsnet so please bear with me! I am currently writing this in floods of tears as my day just seems to have gone from bad to worse! I just want to know if I am being unreasonable or if my husband is! If I am, I am prepared to apologise!

This morning it kicked off when my DH didn't want to get up to watch our DC open her Christmas presents. It wasn't early, around 7 O'clock so it wasn't (in my opinion) unreasonable. He told me as he hadn't chosen any of the presents it really doesn't matter to him. I got cross with DH and asked him to get out of bed but now he has the grumps with me and has taken it out on me all day. My parents and his parents were round for Christmas dinner so I've had a busy morning. It hasn't been a particularly pleasant atmosphere as he has been snapping at my parents as he is cross with me. It is totally embarrassing and I feel so upset for my poor Mum who tries really hard.

He has currently stormed off out and shouted he wants a divorce as I make him unhappy.

Is it me being unreasonable or is it him? I just need a bit of a reality check! My DC s still very lite and hasn't picked up on anything, she has had a fantastic day so at least I know she is happy.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
FrivolousPancake · 25/12/2019 17:05

LTB, seriously

Roselilly36 · 25/12/2019 17:07

He’s not a family man.

Spitsandspots · 25/12/2019 17:08

he wants a divorce as I make him unhappy

He is making you unhappy. What kind of father doesn’t want to watch their DC open presents on Christmas morning?
You should absolutely agree to a divorce. You, and DC, deserve so much better.

Josette77 · 25/12/2019 17:11

Staying with a man like this will not do your DD any favours.

Wereallsquare · 25/12/2019 17:11

Are you prepared to walk on eggshells for the rest of your life? Do you want your daughter to grow up in that atmosphere?

Do you think he is capable of change? Would he be honest with a therapist?

If your answers are 'no', you know what to do.

Effiedg · 25/12/2019 17:11

So he couldn't be arsed to see his child open her presents, was unpleasant to your parents and vile to you. You also did all the work for the Christmas dinner.

Don't ever let him get the upper hand. If he's serious about a divorce, so be it. But if he isn't, try and get him to behave like a reasonable human being and to show some respect for others.

The world doesn't revolve around him and you and your family shouldn't have to pander to him. He's he one behaving like a git and making himself look like an immature fool.

Don't ever let him think he's got the upper hand. He needs to wind his neck in

KatherineJaneway · 25/12/2019 17:18

Did neither set of parents pull him up on his behaviour?

VivaLeBeaver · 25/12/2019 17:22

Do you think showing your dd that it’s ok to put up with a relationship where you walk on eggshells and get treated like shit is ok.? Would you be happy with her putting up with similar when older as she thinks it’s normal? Get divorced.

TheMustressMhor · 25/12/2019 17:22

Oh that's horrible, OP. I'm so sorry you've had such a shit day.

Flowers for you and I recommend you take this man up on his offer of a divorce.

freeingNora · 25/12/2019 17:23

Sorry this happened but this called strategic engineering. He's set the atmosphere, upset your parents enough to make you feel awful which generated an argument and he's got what he wanted he got to leave and go visit where he really wanted to be the question for you is do you want to keep letting this happen

BoomBoomsCousin · 25/12/2019 17:26

A father who can't behave like a grown up for a day for the sake of his young child is not going to be a good father to that child. Is there a back story to why he didn't choose any of the presents?

What are you so scared about with the idea of divorce? It doesn't sound like this has come out of the blue.

PickAChew · 25/12/2019 17:28

I'd take him up on that offer of divorce.

mummyway · 25/12/2019 17:29

You make sure you list his behaviour when filing for Divorce and try to get residential custody of your child with scheduled visiting for him.
He sounds like a terrible person, and how would he react if you snapped at his parents because of how he was being with you. Nasty man child. Better off without that kind of behaviour

NorthernLightsInWinter · 25/12/2019 17:29

I'd tell him you accept his Christmas present to you ... the divorce he shouted at you in front of everyone presumably that he claims to want .. and to find someplace else to stay.

Honestly, you don't want to spend your life walking on eggshells. I'm sure your parents will support your decision. He sounds miserable and selfish.

Original poster
Mummywithtwocats · 25/12/2019 17:29

Thank you, once my daughter is in bed and asleep I will have to sort things out. I have known for a long time things aren't right but today just make me realise. He isn't home and didn't take his phone so who knows where he is / when he will come back! As I am writing this I realise how pathetic I sound and things need to change xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummywithtwocats · 25/12/2019 17:30

He didn't choose any as he didn't seem that interested / never made any suggestions x

OP posts:
TheNameGames · 25/12/2019 17:34

You don’t sound pathetic. You sound like you’ve been manipulated. A lot.

If you can’t leave for you then leave for your daughter before she starts to see this behaviour as something normal and to be expected to tolerate from a future partner of hers, if she has one.

I can’t believe the number of lazy, selfish partners I have read on here today.

Annasgirl · 25/12/2019 17:43

Oh OP, this has made me so sad. Of course YANBU, at all. Ignore the people asking was he upset as he wanted to choose the presents for your DC - of course he wasn't - he just wants an excuse to be horrid to you.

He has given you the best present and someday you will realise - he wants a divorce - agree and never look back.

Oh and I bet he has gone to a pub (we cannot in Ireland, but I know plenty of men who would if they could).

ballstoit · 25/12/2019 17:45

If he's anything like my ex-h, he's checked out of family life because he's checked into a new relationship. He set you up for an argument because he wanted an excuse to be elsewhere.

If you have any joint money, move it as soon as you can to protect yourself and your dd. Make sure you have copies of payslips etc because tbh, he's probably been waiting for Christmas to be finished with before he goes.

Get your support organised. Be strong. You deserve better than this selfish arse.

It's 10 years since my ex-h did this, I'm remarried now to a lovely man who has shown me what it's like to be with someone who actually knows how to have a relationship.

VenusTiger · 25/12/2019 17:45

He hasn’t just disrespected you, he’s disrespected his daughter, and he walked out on her too today. That’s not happiness for her OP.

He needs a bloody wake up call. If you allow him to mistreat you, he’ll think it’s all you deserve, and your daughter will learn to think this way too, for you her mom and for herself. Who is he to do that.

Oly4 · 25/12/2019 17:50

What kind of father doesn’t watch his child open their presents? What a cruel and nasty thing to do - to you and her. And then he’s blaming you for it. And he’s just wandered off on Christmas Day?!
You can do so much better than this man... I hope next Christmas when you’ve divorced him that you have a wonderful Christmas with your daughter. What an arse he is

TroysMammy · 25/12/2019 17:54

Ha, when I was old enough to understand about Christmas all my presents including stocking fillers were opened and played with before my parents woke up. They only awoke at around 7.30am because they heard me and my sister downstairs. They were in too much of a deep sleep at 5am to hear us. My parents only saw us opening presents when we had left home.

Hooferdoofer37 · 25/12/2019 17:56

I would guess he has another woman and engineered an argument so he could spend the day with her.

Either way, he sounds like an areshole, so accept his offer of divorce & show your DD that women deserve to be treated better in a relationship.

coconutty101 · 25/12/2019 17:57

Unacceptable!
Yanbu..id have totally lost my shit with him for that.

peardrops1 · 25/12/2019 18:00

Urgh what a horrible man! He's no partner, OP. He's a selfish, disrespectful shithead. I'm sorry. You deserve more than this. So does your kid.

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