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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH not getting up to watch DC undo Christmas Presents

136 replies

Mummywithtwocats · 25/12/2019 16:31

Hi, I am new to mumsnet so please bear with me! I am currently writing this in floods of tears as my day just seems to have gone from bad to worse! I just want to know if I am being unreasonable or if my husband is! If I am, I am prepared to apologise!

This morning it kicked off when my DH didn't want to get up to watch our DC open her Christmas presents. It wasn't early, around 7 O'clock so it wasn't (in my opinion) unreasonable. He told me as he hadn't chosen any of the presents it really doesn't matter to him. I got cross with DH and asked him to get out of bed but now he has the grumps with me and has taken it out on me all day. My parents and his parents were round for Christmas dinner so I've had a busy morning. It hasn't been a particularly pleasant atmosphere as he has been snapping at my parents as he is cross with me. It is totally embarrassing and I feel so upset for my poor Mum who tries really hard.

He has currently stormed off out and shouted he wants a divorce as I make him unhappy.

Is it me being unreasonable or is it him? I just need a bit of a reality check! My DC s still very lite and hasn't picked up on anything, she has had a fantastic day so at least I know she is happy.

Thank you xx

OP posts:
Tiredmum100 · 25/12/2019 19:29

He sounds like a complete dick. What kind of father doesn't care about watching his dc open their presents. I couldn't be with someone who couldn't put their need for a lye in to the side for the sake of the dc. Sorry you've had a rubbish day.

Silentlysinking101 · 25/12/2019 19:39

Lock the door, leave the keys in and go to bed. He's a complete knob.

My dp hasn't chosen most of my dds gifts, he helped with a couple but as her "stepdad" he defaults to me for that, he was still up til hone midnight helping set the house up and create the magic of santa and was up at 645 when my dd bounced into our room yelling that santa has been.

Dp and I have been together just shy of a year, he was a friend so dd knew him but he has been involved for the last 9 months. He has been more involved in that 9 months than her own dad has been in 6.5 years. And he is my dp, we don't live together etc. If your husband isn't doing at least half of what my dp does then let him file for divorce. You and your dd deserve so much better!

Fishfingersandwichplease · 25/12/2019 19:41

Please have some self respect and dignity and don't let him treat you like this. What a complete c**t and you and your daughter don't need him.

Pollyhops · 25/12/2019 19:44

What an arsehole.

Dh wouldn’t dream of missing the kids opening their pressies. Due to work he only had 4 hours sleep, but still got up and watched them. Being rude to your parents...not okay.

Agree with the poster who said walking on egg shells is a sign for abuse. It’s only going to get worse. Give the useless twat his divorce and enjoy Christmas next year without him.

BreatheAndFocus · 25/12/2019 19:47

YADNBU!

Perhaps, as PPs have said, he did engineer this argument so he could go somewhere else, but maybe he’s just a self-centred, immature man who was jealous of his own DC and grumpy because the attention quite rightly was on her.

My ex used to lose his temper at Xmas and then blame the victims of his raging rants for ‘ruining his whole Xmas’.

So - assume nothing about his motivations, but do think back over his behaviour and whether it’s something you want to put up with much longer.

For now, try to forget the selfish pig and think about your DC’s happiness today Flowers

WeGoHigher · 25/12/2019 19:55

What did his parents say about his behaviour?

RexDangerVest · 25/12/2019 19:58

Another Christmas twat!

👆🏻yep. At least I'm not alone. Sending love and empathy op ❤️

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 25/12/2019 20:00

Just imagine op, the nice calm Christmas you can have next year without him!
Flowers So sorry you’ve had a rubbish day though. x

WWlOOlWW · 25/12/2019 20:03

Another excuse of a man. Your daughter is better off without him.

Lifeisabeach09 · 25/12/2019 20:04

Dump the fucker! You'll have a lovely Xmas next year.

kittykatkitty · 25/12/2019 20:11

I've never said this before but LTB
Seriously do

WarmthAndDepth · 25/12/2019 20:13

Welcome to Mumsnet, OP Flowers
Speaking from experience, you deserve so much better and this is not going to be a one off. For the sake if your DD, who will absolutely be feeling the vibe, if not now, definitely in years to come, give yourself the gift of the promise of an uncomplicated, unmoody Christmas without your husband next year. Really hard, but as they say in Frozen II: "When hope is gone, do the next right thing!"

lisag1969 · 25/12/2019 20:24

Tell him divorce is a great idea. You deserve so much better. X

lisag1969 · 25/12/2019 20:25

Your child will be happy with you and not him. X

Layoverlife · 25/12/2019 20:27

Check his phone whilst he's left it at home Grin

MomofTeen · 25/12/2019 20:31

My finance got up to watch my teen son open his and he has done every year since we got together
Bin him off op u and ur child deserve better

PrincessHoneysuckle · 25/12/2019 20:34

Fuck that.Dh woke my ds up at 7am to open his presents! Selfish prick

Savingshoes · 25/12/2019 20:38

he has been snapping at my parents
You allowed your DH to snap at your parents?!
What kind of batsh*t crazy world do you live in?
A man snapping at a female guest is an absolute disgrace and you and your father should have sent him packing the first and only time he did this.

MirenaManiac · 25/12/2019 20:38

@Silentlysinking101 My dp hasn't chosen most of my dds gifts, he helped with a couple but as her "stepdad" he defaults to me for that, he was still up til hone midnight helping set the house up and create the magic of santa and was up at 645 when my dd bounced into our room yelling that santa has been

That's lovely - he sounds like a keeper! I feel like I'm learning a lot about how good relationships can work when I read about the good guys like this. Don't want to derail but it's lovely to hear Grin

LurkingFather · 25/12/2019 20:40

If he feels hard done by not having chosen any presents, this is of course something he could easily remedy.

My wife and I come from very different traditions, she was brought up.with wish lists and pretty much knew always what she was going to get as a kid, while for me presents were always utter surprises well into late teens. This caused some friction at the begin of us being parents, particularly when budgets were right, but we have now settled on her responding to wishes while I try to find surprises. It works. And it gives a sense of "ownership" instead of being slowly made feel surplus to requirements.

In short, if he does come back and you want to give him a chance with the marriage, tell him to sort out part of the presents himself so that he can feel more part of it.

Cheeserton · 25/12/2019 20:45

He's an idiot, no argument there.

It wasn't early, around 7 O'clock

I can't agree here though, seven o'clock is hardly late. It's early.

VivaLeBeaver · 25/12/2019 20:49

7am on Xmas day when you have small kids isn’t early. Not really. And so what? It’s one day, I’m sure most parents have dragged themselves out of bed earlier than they’d have liked on Xmas day.

Silentlysinking101 · 25/12/2019 20:55

@mirenamaniac thank you! He really is! He has sat in my car for 9 hours because my nan was dying and he didn't want me being with her alone and then having to do a 400 mile round trip whilst upset.. He booked time off work and cancelled a very important meeting with the ceo of the company he works for because dd asked him to come to a hospital appointment with her... He actually told the ceo that his step daughter (easiest way to explain) needing him was more important than the business's meeting he was asked to attend.

I'm 6.5 years her own dad has only ever been to 1 appointment.

That is the behaviour of a dad... Not the crap the ops husband is pulling.

JustASmallTownCurl · 25/12/2019 20:59

Is dickhead back yet OP?
Hope you're ok Thanks

Original poster
Mummywithtwocats · 25/12/2019 21:09

Thank you, he is back but not talking to me so I'll leave it till the morning for a serious conversation. This isn't the first Christmas he has acted like this, like people said, it's a wake up call. It's lovely to hear people's other halfs being so good with all the Christmas prep, that's just what I wanted as I love the excitement of Christmas xx

OP posts: