To have burst out crying...

[Cryingoverspilttea]

It's been a hard few years emotionally, financially, physically. Me and DH are likely divorcing in the new year after 16yrs but have decided to give it a go over Christmas to see if we can figure it out for DS's sake, even though that's probably a terrible idea. I've been sick non stop but haven't been able to stop for a moment all year, constant low level bickering, issues with work, jobs and family. I'm just utterly done in.

For the first year in about 10 we've finally had enough money to spend about £70 on each other (though only because my Mum gave me £150 as an early birthday gift).

I've been so excited for days just to have something to open Christmas morning for once. Last night DH stayed in the bath for three hours until 11pm even though he promised we could do something christmassy together like watch a movie and eat some nice bits. I went to bed quite disheartened and feeling really lonely and a little weepy.

Wibu to have burst out crying this morning when I opened my present and it was a bloody Teapot!?

A teapot is for the house. It is not a gift for a person unless they collect teapots :( Even if it was goldplated or diamond studded, I don't even have time to make myself a cup of tea most days when running around after my toddler ds and everyone else in my family.

After 16yrs apparently my husband thinks I'm worth a Teapot for Christmas.

I'm 34, prefer coffee and we already have two teapots in the kitchen

And in the bath for THREE HOURS?!?!?!?!

This says much . . .

My Dh has form for poor Christmas presents - sometimes he gets it right but more often than not it's disappointing. This year was another disappointing year. I got a wine rack, that is just black metal welded together in the most basic, utilitarian and ugly fashion. I hate it, if I'm honest, it's so ugly and not the sort of thing I would ever like. I like wine and I have a couple of wine racks already, so don't even really need another one, but even if I did I would never have chosen this.

So I suppose the thought was there in that he knows I like wine - but he has no idea of my tastes, if he thought that ugly thing would be my taste.

I would ask for the receipt, 1. So you can see how much he actually spent and 2. So you can return it for a refund rather than credit at Cath Kidston

Hugs. I think that first response (by sn0tnose) is great.

On a humorous note, I'd LOVE a surprise wheelbarrow for Christmas, or any day come to that.

I think it sounds like you both know your marriage is over. I don't think YABU to be sad. I do think you should never have split your birthday money with him. I also hope your kids didn't see you and your dh crying Christmas morning.

The most expensive Cath Kidston teapot I could find costs £45 but the majority cost like £20-30. Albeit there aren’t that many of their teapots online, but I still can’t imagine them retailing for £70 each?

And I realise I forgot to say anything about your situation as I was too busy being me me me about mine.

If divorce is already on the cards then this might be another nail in the coffin, but it might also be a good starting point to talk about why divorce is on the cards - in that he doesn't seem to know you, or understand you, or care that much. And yet he cried that you were disappointed - so either he was crying crocodile tears or he's actually upset that he fucked it up. It might be worthwhile trying to find out which.

I'm so sorry you had such a disappointing present though.

Or look at it this way - he knew just how important it was and got overwhelmed. I fuck ing HATE xmas shopping and got my DP a £12.99 wallet from Amazon. I have bought him a set of espresso cuisine year. Ironically he still uses and loves them.

Don't make the reason you divorce a bloody teapot - if you can have a giggle at its naffness your marriage is worth saving, if not then it's a symptom of how things are. If that makes sense

Keep teapot for your new flat.

He's just not that into you. He'll make a shit ton of fuss when you throw him tho', that type always do.

2020 will be a better year for you once he's gone.

don’t understand all the craziness about presents from grown women... it’s actually a little sad.

ODFOD

*cups one = cuisine I worry about this phone

Can't believe we've had someone try to diagnose him with autism. Mumsnet bingo.

ElusiveOrangeTwirl i was thinking the same.

It's not about a teapot is it?

So not only did he get you a shite inappropriate gift, he pinched the majority of the money for himself??

What a selfish prick!

Get the receipt from him and get a refund.

¡El regalo es una locura! ¡Qué historia tan conmovedora!

Of course you have every right to feel upset.

It says so much about you that you past on a rare gift of money to your husband to share in.

It's hard to know if the years are real or are they manipulation, you know best.

Having said that, my lovely husband has gone rogue several times and produced some inexplicable gifts, this year being one!
However, I do know that he has really tried to be thoughtful and I am very grateful for that.

3 hours in the bath on Christmas Eve is very selfish and I can't think of any explanation for it.

OP, at 34 , you are but a baby yourself still, with a long life of love and joy ahead of you.
Think hard about what you really want and if your husband has any interest in being a loving thoughtful husband.
If not, cut your losses.

As to the suggestion that Christmas is only for children, I strongly disagree.

Yes children are a big part of Christmas if you have them....but pre children I had truly fabulous Christmases with only my husband....showing children that each parent is loving and giving to each other is a whole other gift that you can give your children... and unlike so many gifts can truly last a lifetime in their hearts and memory.

Wishing you well OP.
You sound like a lovely women who deserves to be cherished.💐

Yes. Ask him where the rest of the £70 went.

You’re both considering divorce
But he’s actually already made his decision

OP the teapot is a crap present but the confirmation he has given you that divorce is the way forward and you don't have to wonder if you should keep plugging away at the marriage... Priceless

I think the main thing that strikes me is that you were both supposed to see how things went over Christmas leadig to a possible decision to seperate. He should be really trying hard but instead spent 3 hours in the bath and bought an uremarkable present, that felt like an insult. Does he actually want to save things? or s he of the "just keep things as normal" school of thought.

I feel your pain. I got a teapot for my birthday last year from my H and I don't drink tea but he does. I got nothing, not even a bar of chocolate last Christmas or today from him. Apparently I'm "hard to buy for" hmm... I like chocolate, even cheap CDM, lots of smellies in the bathroom to choose from etc and five grown up and teen DC only too willing to give him advice and he has a tongue in his head to ask my ideas. Over 30 years I haven't one thing I could point to and say Mr Sap bought me that. I wish I'd objected strongly early on and staked a claim to be treated better.

Perhaps those who say gifts don't matter get treated well in other ways by their partners and feel valued . We all need to feel cherished sometimes.

He could have at least bought from Emma Bridgewater if he was going down the teapot route

Perhaps those who say gifts don't matter get treated well in other ways by their partners and feel valued . We all need to feel cherished sometimes.

Yes, this captures it beautifully.

What a selfish and thoughtless git he is. You're well rid of him op.
One year at Eid, after buying thoughtful gifts for everyone at my in-laws, I received a jug... And even that was a week late so they'd obviously felt guilty at not getting me anything.

Yanbu. What a thoughtless gift