To be sick of Christmas martyrs

[Rosehip10]

Why are so many people (usually women) martyrs at Christmas, doing everything, presents, food, all organising etc and then really unhappy at DPs doing nothing and saying "why do I do this" and then repeat cycle year after year.

If you don't want to then don't and stop enabling lazy DPs. If you do then stop moaning and martyring yourself.

Except that it’s not as simple as that, is it? If the things weren’t done, other people would feel the effects.

There have been several identical threads every day for the last week. Read one of them.

@churchandstate So that's always a women's problem is it?

Not always the woman's problem but if doing a lot of it for the kids, would you really stop and let them miss out if DP didn't pick up the slack?

I still make a Christmas Day for my daughter who's 34 because she loves it (and will leave her good memories when I'm no longer around lol) It's just her and me, my OH and any friend who happens to be alone. Christmas tree, gifts and a turkey breast. Not OTT and stops us thinking about DD2 away every Christmas with her DH and my 2 grandsons with DH's big family.

Totally agree OP. Bored of it now. I think some people revel in it

Not so simple OP.

Why do women put up with patriarchy? Why do women put up with domestic abuse? Why do women assume these burdensome roles in society?

Very easy to blame the victim or those put asunder.

Why not question the system?

I do the gift shopping in the lead up to Christmas. DH does the Christmas Eve food shop and all the cooking on Christmas Day. Costs come from joint account. It’s so uncomplicated and no one feels over put on.

It's shit but what else can we do? We can't not do something just because someone else doesn't do it - it doesn't work like that.

I do it coz my kids would go without if I didn't.

Same reason I take the kids to the dentist and buy them new shoes - coz the useless fucker doesn't and if I don't they'll have toothache and deformed feet.

It’s not at all the woman’s problem. That’s why there is reason to be pissed off! But I wouldn’t personally let my DD or relatives go without gifts or dinner just because DH let them down. Two wrongs and all that.

To be fair I do all the present wrapping buying etc and it's a complete horror that I like to moan about... But now I'm laying in the bath doing fuck all and DH is downstairs trying to cook dinner while wrangling the kids... So I'm feeling pretty smug now... I'll feel even better this time next year because I'm majorly scaling back presents and have told the kids santa is going green and isn't wrapping stocking pressies anymore

Everything is so black and white to some people. I stopped being a martyr and pulled my DH up on it this year. I stopped enabling him. Christmas has not been nearly as good as usual so far and will continue to get worse as he is sulking. Oh just leave him then chorus the black and whites. Yes I'll just devastate my children, lose my lovely home and go back into the hideous world of dating again at 44. Because things are so black and white.

Please raise better sons, everyone!

So again blaming women really.

Why are you posting this at ten on Christmas Day morning?

I used to do most of it and occasionally moan but one Christmas, or just after, my husband actually said he was sorry he hadn't done more, he didn't know why. He meant it too. After that he was more active! He was very good at wrapping presents too.

Because they love their kids and don’t want to disappoint them?

sunshinesupermum Wed 25-Dec-19 10:21:39
I still make a Christmas Day for my daughter who's 34 because she loves it (and will leave her good memories when I'm no longer around lol) It's just her and me, my OH and any friend who happens to be alone. Christmas tree, gifts and a turkey breast. Not OTT and stops us thinking about DD2 away every Christmas with her DH and my 2 grandsons with DH's big family.
......
Sounds like you'll be having a really nice Christmas,

I'm sure you'll be seeing your younger daughter and her family at some stage, not everything has to be done on Christmas day.

Enjoy

I deliberately said 'parents' - not mothers.
But, if you're raising a shit son......

I wonder how many men are on this thread?

Your comments are directed towards women here. Don't you realise that?

I'm sick of smug posters. They irritate me more than martyrs do.

It's always the smug posters who have no vision or understanding beyond their own small lives... because if they did, they'd count their blessings, help or not help, but at least STFU.

I hope the 'martyrs' as you unkindly call them, don't feel even less appreciated by your thread OP, in spite of your obvious wish that they do.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Well said.

THis is a women bashing thread.

I agree with you OP.
And predictably, some martyrs have shown up to proclaim they are victims of the patriarchy and/or being further martyred by this “woman bashing thread”!
They revel in the victim/ martyr role. I too am sick to death of it.

I do all the running around as far as presents and food goes, but DH does help on the food front.

Comes xmas day i sit on my arse & he does all the cooking whilst i drink prosecco. Seems like a fair trade.

There's a fine line between "certain things have to be done" and "things have to be done in this precise way that I have deemed required".

So, for example, people need to eat food on Christmas Day. This does not have to be particular food with all the trimmings, the table decorated in a special way and individual party favours.

There was a post on another thread about someone complaining that her husband hadn't wrapped the children's presents well enough. If you want to beautifully wrap and present your children's presents, then great but you might need to accept that you have to wrap them yourself. The fact that others adopt a more "the paper covers the gift" approach is not wrong.